My son found an IPod on his bus, and instead of turning it in, he decided to keep it and play with it for the night. He took the pink cover off from it and stuck that in his coat pocket. He brought it to school the next day, and showed it off to his friends. His friends say that he said he got it from his Grandma. He says he never said that.
The mother of the child who lost the Ipod has offered a cash reward for its safe return. The principal of the school announces over the PA that there is a cash reward, and if it is returned that same day, then there will be no questions asked and no concequences. My son never took advantage of this opportunity. Nor did he attempt to return the Ipod directly to the girl that lost it.
An announcement was made on the bus that afternoon. A lost IPod that has a cash reward. Now....I just happen to be the driver of this bus. I immediately have children coming up to me and telling me that my son had an IPod at school that he said he got from his Grandma. Instead of calling him out in front of the entire bus, I noticed that there were a lot of kids surrounding him. I moved him to the front seat and made him sit there for the entire route.
When the route was finished, I told him to give me his coat and backpack and go in and talk to the transportation director and let her know what he did. He immediatly got defensive, he can't go outside without a coat on, it's too cold. Its not really extremely cold, he just wanted an excuse. I then patted his pants pockets, the first one he says "that's just a bunch of trash!" come to find out, it was the headphones. The second pocket held the IPhone. Inspection of his jacket turned up the missing case.
He says that he was going to give it back, but all of the kids "jumped" on him before he had a chance. He is sticking to that, and refuses to change his story. I asked him how he planned on giving it to her, when he had it all apart and shoved into 3 different pockets. I asked him why he didn't take advantage of the principal's cash reward offer, and he sticks to the story "I was going to give it back to her!" I asked why he didn't take it out of his pockets while he was in the front seat and return it as she is getting off the bus .... .... "I was going to give it back to her!" ... "When?" ... "Today! But everybody jumped me!" ... "But you had plenty of opportunities to return it, and you didn't." ... "Nobody ever believes me!!!"
Well, I made him stick around until the parent got there to reclaim the ipod. He was made to hand it back, and he had to apologize face to face. I told him that he was going to be the one to tell his dad why he was in trouble. "How can I do that when I don't know what I'm in trouble for." .... "Really? You don't know why you're in trouble?" .... "I'm in trouble because I gave the Ipod back?" .... "I made you give it back. You didn't give it back because you wanted to." .... "I was going to!!!" .... "But you had the opportunity to return it AND get money as a reward, and you didn't. Now you don't get that money." ... "Why Not? That's not fair! I gave it back to her!!!" .... "But you didn't want to give it back to her. I made you do it." ... "Yes I was! Nobody ever believes me!!!"
So now my question: What do I do? We are currently "thinking" of an appropriate concequence. I am making him help me in deciding his punishment. He keeps coming up with "No video games for 3 days" ... "Stay in bed all day" ... "No TV for the weekend" ... I'm looking for a good punishment, though. Taking away his toys, video games, tv, sending him to bed early, and putting him into time out is getting very very old. He's always doing something wrong, it seems, I actually feel bad because he is always in trouble.
I'm thinking we will spend an hour or two watching short videos about lying and stealing. But beyond that, I'm at a loss. I would be willing to leave it alone, making him apologize, and then a small punishment would have been enough for me, if he would admit that what he did was wrong. But he is sticking to his story. He was going to give it back to her. His actions, however, showed otherwise. I feel that if he is going to continue to lie, then he needs to have higher concequences.
What should the concequence be?
what about taking him down to the police station, and have a police officer have a lil sit down with him and explain the consequences of lying and not being honest......
or have him have to aplogize to the girl in front of the whole school...
have him wear a shirt out in public that says "I LIKE TO LIE"
I like the idea of having a police officer talk to him. I am sure that if you asked, there would be a officer willing to do it. It might just give him the fright that he needs not to do anything like this again.
Quoting alexis_06:
what about taking him down to the police station, and have a police officer have a lil sit down with him and explain the consequences of lying and not being honest......
or have him have to aplogize to the girl in front of the whole school...
have him wear a shirt out in public that says "I LIKE TO LIE"
If he was my child, he would have never continued to argue with me, his first mistake...............no matter what he says, he had plenty of time to give it back to that girl...........lets say for argument sake he was going to give it back.........he chose to do that 24 hrs after he found it. This lets me know, he had no intentions of returning it until he was caught. He is also very defensive, another sign that he was indeed in the wrong. Personally, I would make his consequences severe because he shows no remorse, he was disrespectful, manipulitive, lying, bad attitude and not admiting fault.
Firrst, I would have him say "its not fair" over and over again while he is wiping down all the walls in the home everyday for 2 months. He would also have to write it out on paper, in addition to what he did wrong and what he will do to not have this repeated in a 500 word essay. I would also take everything out of his room, and replace it with only books that taught character qualites..........no friends over the house, he has to stay home everyday, I mean since lying is his new friend.....obviously, he can't be trusted with any of his friends and needs to be watched which brings me to my next course of action............his door taken away from him as well.....Lying is a serious offense, and if he continues on this road.......he could be arrested for his actions.
Maybe he was embarrassed a bit. He could have given it back and then it became a big thing and it made it even worse. I hope the return was somewhat private, because I remember a situation (not stealing) but coloring on a teachers floor during a movie. I was about that age and did not really think about it, but when that teacher came in and yelled at our class I was frozen to tell her. I did eventually did tell my teacher and she kept it fairly private and had me tell the office and they said they would have someone clean it. The teacher next door went on and on about it for a few weeks and I felt horrible.
I would also have a grounding or something with it as well.
By Patsey842
He must be regretting now why he did it.. As a christian i would pray to God for guidance because a punishment is a must for his action.
Thanks for the advice! Someone told me that the worst punishment they received as a child was no punishment. Everytime she would inquire what her punishment was going to be, her parent told her "I'm still thinking about it." This left her wondering and worrying about how severe the punishment was going to be.
So, we are thinking about it. I am making him help me think, as I find it important that the child be just as much a part of the concequence as he was with the action. We are on mid-winter break, so we have a 5 day weekend. He is doing chores around the house and we are "thinking about it."
Sheila hit it right on when she said that a long conversation isn't going to work. He is smart, and he learns how he can manipulate conversation. He knows how to play people so that they will just quit talking to him and leave him alone. That being said, I still take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves. As soon as I see the opportuinty to discuss something with him, I take it, and keep it short. I also don't give him room for talking back, I let him ask questions, but I do not allow him to argue. I have had a short discussion about actions speaking louder than words, and another one about how posession of stolen property is still punishable by law.
Its probably not that he is desensitized to losing access to his "stuff". I think it lies more in the simple fact that an Ipod touch is the #1 thing on his list of things that he wants, and he found one, so he was going to keep it. He has a cell phone, no minutes, but his uncle gave it to him to play with, and he cherishes that a whole lot. I know he would be very upset if I took that from him, and I am debating on if I should or not. I know it would really bother him if I did.
I guess my main goal is not so much punishing him as to making him realize that what he did was wrong. I think my next small discussion will be the "what if the child's parents punished the child for losing the ipod. How would he feel?" Thanks for making me think of that one, that hadn't even crossed my mind. I need to try to make him understand the seriousness of lying. How it is important to be trustworty. His "no remorse" attitude bothers me more than what he actually did wrong.
Praying for guidance makes me think of something I did with one of his brothers (I have 4 boys) ... When he did something that I felt was seriously bad, I wrote down the 10 Commandments. Then I continued to list the ones that he had broken, and how he had broken them. Another thing I should look into for a short discussion opportunity.
I've thought about taking all of the stuff out of his room, but he shares a bedroom with 1 of his brothers, so if I took his stuff, that would still leave his brother's stuff to play with. I wouln't hesitate to take the door, if it weren't for him sharing his room.
Speaking to a cop might help, but I don't really see it having an impact on him. That pretty much goes back to the long discussion thing, where he will end up turning it into a game, and the entire point will be blown out of the window. I've seen him in 1 on 1 "learning" discussions before, and he does draw circles, asking off the wall questions, making unrelated comments, and in the end, he doesn't retain much of the information at all.
I do like the shirt idea, and maybe I will make one (or 4) and everytime they are caught in a lie, they will have to wear the shirt. Talk about embarassing, that would be the king of embarassing situations. Of coarse, I'd have to make him realize how completely embarassed I was when I found out that it was MY child that took the Ipod. I had talked to the parent before my bus route, I had talked to my boss and co-workers about the situation, and then it turned out to be MY child that made a bad choice.
Thanks to everyone for the advice, I will take it all and hopefully figure out how to make the best of this situation.
yes, it sounds harsh, but u even admitted u dont know what to do and the things u do dont work. so this is them a little more extreme. Oh and make him write 1,000xs I will not take things that dont belong to me. If I find something I will tell mom or dad or a teacher. And if he gets an ipod its put up for awhile before he uses it. oh and lectures and videos (im sure if he doesnt see tv for awhile hed like those even) about lying, stealing and the such are highly recommended. gl
what's the best way to...
- Deems49
on Feb. 16, 2012 at 12:12 AM