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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Would you attempt to sue for full custody?

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My ex-husband and I have been apart for a year now. In that time he moved in with his parents (and still lives there) racked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt for football tickets, sports memorabilia, and designer clothing for himself while telling me I NEED to buy clothes for our son to wear at HS house adn give him my foodshare card so he can buy groceries for our son when he's at HIS house despite the $1600 he nets a month with only $300 in bills. He stalked me, harassed me, and during the course of our marriage became violent with me twice and with our son once.  A couple weeks ago we had to call a deputy out to our house to contact him to get him to stop calling and texting me constantly. NOW I find out he may be bringing our son around a registered sex offender, who I told him I would sue for full custody if I ever found out he was bringing him around. Any thoughts or advice (He has 50/50 custody currently)

by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 6:29 PM
Replies (31-40):
LindaClement
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 2:48 PM

Thanks, Marci.

I have no idea what you wrote, just the closing. It hurts my eyes to try to follow that block of solid text. It's not worth it.

Quoting TAG2.0:


Quoting LindaClement:

Actually, it was for YOUR information.

If you want people to read what you write --if communication is your goal in bothering to post anywhere, ever-- you will find far more success in that by using conventional capitalization.

That's all.

And, yes, actually: on the internet, all-caps is considered yelling, so the vast majority of people who read what you write will interpret your tone as shouty, no matter what you intend. If you choose to live outside conventions, that's your liberty --but expect lots and lots and lots of people to respond from within them.

SO WHAT? YOU CANT READ ENGLISH, THAT NOT MY ISSUE. COMMUNICATION IS NOT MY UPMOST GOAL, SAYING WHAT I WANT IS. YOURE JUST BORED AND WANT TO NIT PICK, WHICH IS ALSO CONSIDERED RUDE AND I CAN CORRECT YOU ON THAT JUST AS YOU ARE TRYING TO WITH ME. SO BECAUSE ONE BROAD THINKS ALL CAPS IS YELLING AND ANOTHER OLD BROAD CANT READ MY WORDS, YOU THINK IM SUPPOSED TO CHANGE MY STYLE? PLEASE. I WILL CHANGE IT WHEN YOU START COMMENTING ON THE PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO USE SPELL CHECK WHEN ITS LOCATED RIGHT IN THE DAMN REPLY BAR. YOURE NOT THE KNOW IT ALL, BE IT ALL ON INTERNET ETIQUETTE, THIS IS A RELAXED WEBSITE, NOT FOR BUSINESS. SO I WILL CONTINUE TO DO AS I PLEASE AS WILL YOU.

HAVE A GOOD DAY, SIR


TAG2.0
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 2:49 PM


Quoting LindaClement:

Thanks, Marci.

I have no idea what you wrote, just the closing. It hurts my eyes to try to follow that block of solid text. It's not worth it.

Quoting TAG2.0:

OH YOURE BREAKING MY HEART LADY. MOVE THE HELL ON THEN AND PLAY IN THE WEIGHTLOSS GROUP/

LindaClement
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 2:50 PM

What?

Quoting TAG2.0:


Quoting LindaClement:

Thanks, Marci.

I have no idea what you wrote, just the closing. It hurts my eyes to try to follow that block of solid text. It's not worth it.

Quoting TAG2.0:

OH YOURE BREAKING MY HEART LADY. MOVE THE HELL ON THEN AND PLAY IN THE WEIGHTLOSS GROUP/


TAG2.0
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 2:52 PM


Quoting LindaClement:

What?

Quoting TAG2.0:

 

Quoting LindaClement:

Thanks, Marci.

I have no idea what you wrote, just the closing. It hurts my eyes to try to follow that block of solid text. It's not worth it.

Quoting TAG2.0:

OH YOURE BREAKING MY HEART LADY. MOVE THE HELL ON THEN AND PLAY IN THE WEIGHTLOSS GROUP/


i KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH. IM NOT REPEATING MYSELF. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE READING. TOLD YOU, YOURE IN FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT AS AM I.

LindaClement
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 2:53 PM

What weightloss group are you talking about? Or why are you talking about it?

Quoting TAG2.0:


Quoting LindaClement:

What?

Quoting TAG2.0:


Quoting LindaClement:

Thanks, Marci.

I have no idea what you wrote, just the closing. It hurts my eyes to try to follow that block of solid text. It's not worth it.

Quoting TAG2.0:

OH YOURE BREAKING MY HEART LADY. MOVE THE HELL ON THEN AND PLAY IN THE WEIGHTLOSS GROUP/


i KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH. IM NOT REPEATING MYSELF. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE READING. TOLD YOU, YOURE IN FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT AS AM I.


lawgirlmom
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 3:41 PM
1 mom liked this

Before giving you any words of supposed wisdom here, I must be honest and tell you that while reading your post I became so frustrated with your depiction of your circumstances- not because of what he's doing, but because of your complacency in allowing him to manipulate the situation.  

Listen! You are divorced, separated, not together anymore, whatever. Somehow you two share custody. That doesn't mean you must make his life easier or lessen his paternal obligations. Your responsibility is to send your child with clean clothes for the days spent with ex, unless your child has a second set of items that's worn/used while with dad. You purchase food for your 50% of time - not for his custody time too!!! Purchasing food, special clothing for an event during his time, entertainment, etc is his responsibility. If he is unable to afford to reasonably care for your child during the time he is allotted, then modifications need to be made to arrangement. He does not have the right to demand any of these things from you for his parenting time. But what's worse yet, is that you have given him permission to expect from you complete obedience. No no no! 

Besides, I seriously doubt that grandparents would let your child starve while there.

As for the sex offender, how do you know this person is a RSO? Is it rumor, or did you look him up? If he truly is on the database and you know for a fact he isn't allowed to be near children, the next time you know he's going to be hanging out with your ex and child I'd make a call to police (anon) and state " I believe this person is supposed to be x feet from children and I just saw him at xyz socializing with kids and it concerns me. Could an officer please check it out? Better safe than sorry."  If he's violated or arrested for being with children, and your ex continues to allow him around your child, then I would take the issue into court. But, you'd have to have proof- be prepared to convince judge that ex knowingly put child in harms way. 

Remember, other than for purposes pertaining to your child's expenses, his income debt ratio isn't your concern anymore. What he spends his money on isn't really your business. His obligation is to provide 50% of care and nuture for your child as yours is 50% too. If he consistenly claims he cannot afford to purchase his portion of clothing and food, then you can go to court, request a modification due to his claim of insufficiency, at which point the judge will require an expense declaration and will look at his income and question why he's unable to provide even though he has a good income. Let the judge whip his selfish attitude into check. 

Stop giving him food money. Stop purchasing items related to his parenting time events. Keep a journal of everything he claims he can' afford and what he asks you for. But don't you dare give him anything! If you refuse, he'll probably try a guilt trip, but, I seriously doubt if you walked away from his demands that he'd starve your child to spite you. Think about it. Get strong. Be firm. 

cjsmom1
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2012 at 4:08 PM

i KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH. IM NOT REPEATING MYSELF. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE READING. TOLD YOU, YOURE IN FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT AS AM I.


I don't want to argue but this woman is looking for advice. I saw you gave you advice on page one and someone disagreed with it. But what are you arguing about now? Why do you even care what these other people are saying? You are coming off as very rude and disrespectful. Yes, typing in all caps is considered yelling. If that's how you type then fine, but that is what it means.

LindaClement
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 6:15 PM

I completely agree with this.

Being a doormat is a habit that you have to choose to give up. Stand up.

Oh, and the best perspective I've ever heard on the subject of contentious divorces: you get to divorce the guy you married.

Just as he didn't magically turn into the fantasy you had in your head on your wedding day, he's also not (not even by force through the courts) going to turn into some fantasy because of the divorce. He is who you have always known him to be.

Quoting lawgirlmom:

Before giving you any words of supposed wisdom here, I must be honest and tell you that while reading your post I became so frustrated with your depiction of your circumstances- not because of what he's doing, but because of your complacency in allowing him to manipulate the situation.  

Listen! You are divorced, separated, not together anymore, whatever. Somehow you two share custody. That doesn't mean you must make his life easier or lessen his paternal obligations. Your responsibility is to send your child with clean clothes for the days spent with ex, unless your child has a second set of items that's worn/used while with dad. You purchase food for your 50% of time - not for his custody time too!!! Purchasing food, special clothing for an event during his time, entertainment, etc is his responsibility. If he is unable to afford to reasonably care for your child during the time he is allotted, then modifications need to be made to arrangement. He does not have the right to demand any of these things from you for his parenting time. But what's worse yet, is that you have given him permission to expect from you complete obedience. No no no! 

Besides, I seriously doubt that grandparents would let your child starve while there.

As for the sex offender, how do you know this person is a RSO? Is it rumor, or did you look him up? If he truly is on the database and you know for a fact he isn't allowed to be near children, the next time you know he's going to be hanging out with your ex and child I'd make a call to police (anon) and state " I believe this person is supposed to be x feet from children and I just saw him at xyz socializing with kids and it concerns me. Could an officer please check it out? Better safe than sorry."  If he's violated or arrested for being with children, and your ex continues to allow him around your child, then I would take the issue into court. But, you'd have to have proof- be prepared to convince judge that ex knowingly put child in harms way. 

Remember, other than for purposes pertaining to your child's expenses, his income debt ratio isn't your concern anymore. What he spends his money on isn't really your business. His obligation is to provide 50% of care and nuture for your child as yours is 50% too. If he consistenly claims he cannot afford to purchase his portion of clothing and food, then you can go to court, request a modification due to his claim of insufficiency, at which point the judge will require an expense declaration and will look at his income and question why he's unable to provide even though he has a good income. Let the judge whip his selfish attitude into check. 

Stop giving him food money. Stop purchasing items related to his parenting time events. Keep a journal of everything he claims he can' afford and what he asks you for. But don't you dare give him anything! If you refuse, he'll probably try a guilt trip, but, I seriously doubt if you walked away from his demands that he'd starve your child to spite you. Think about it. Get strong. Be firm. 


staciababy
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 7:01 PM

So he is a total loser, became violent with you twice and your son once, and brings him around a sex offender. I think instead of asking for advice here, I would be on the phone with the court. Also, no, not all sex offenders are child molesters, but anyone with a criminal past is a risk. Some are worse than others, but no reason to take any extra risk.

marisab
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 7:29 PM

naaah but i would try to get fathers visits supervised for 6 mos to a year

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