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4 year old attachment issues!

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:00 PM
  • 5 Replies

Ok, this may be lengthy but I need some adivce.

DS1 (almost 4) is really struggling. We have had a lot in our lives shaken up lately. Before he was born we moved in with my grandmother who needed some help with bills. Later, when he was 2 we got a house and she moved with us. She shared a room with him and so he was her buddy. Myself and my grandmother got into it back in February and decided that things just were not working anymore. She has a very bossy personality and was causing trouble in my marriage. She would go against my husband and I about how we would like to raise our kids and also (she has had bad experiences with men) would talk about my husband to me. Anyways... although I have talked to her since and things have calmed down she has not bothered to return phone calls or visit the kids.... since birth she has been in their lives DAILY and now nothing. we called to wish her a happy easter (the kids did) and she never returned the call. Ok so... heres the tricky part


DS1 is very close with my great grandparents and stays the night over there at least 1 night a week. He loves it they have all the time in the world to spend doing crafts and teaching him. I was close to them like this when I was younger. I have no problem with it and I am glad that he is fortunate enough to know his great great grandparents. It brings them joy too. However, since grandma left he has not mentioned her and i am worried about what this is causing mentally for him. Today will be day 4 he is with my great grandparents and I went to pick him up and he was hysterical and clinging to my grandpa. Said to tell momma to go home and he wants to stay at grandpas forever. I went to pick him up because if my grandpa brings him home he wants him to stay here and will not leave his side because he doesnt want him to leave. 


I think that this is because several reasons. 1. since grandma left I have less time to spend doing special things with the kids because hubby works more to cover bills and I pick up the slack around the house to compensate. and 2. I am afraid that because of my grandmas sudden disappearance that DS is scared to leave my grandpa because he thinks that he will go away too. (btw my grandma is staying with my mother literally 10 minutes from our house so it is not a convienence issue and she also drops a check in our mailbox monthly for her cell phone bill but NEVER comes in or even lets us know she dropped the check until after she leaves)


Well, hubby is pissed and we are fighting because of it. He literally wants to go and force DS home and not allow him to go back for awhile. I think that will only cause more damage and I do not agree. 


I just need some insight ladies.

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:00 PM
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Replies (1-5):
newmom0508
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:14 PM
Bump
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masonsmommy107
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:20 PM
I agree with your dh you need to bring him home and maybe cut back on the visits. And have a talk with ds about this issue. Reassure him that gm loves him but just doesn't live with you guys any more.
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newmom0508
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:32 PM
No doubt we need to cut back but he wants to END visits and DS is not at that level of reasoning yet , that's what makes it hard

Quoting masonsmommy107:

I agree with your dh you need to bring him home and maybe cut back on the visits. And have a talk with ds about this issue. Reassure him that gm loves him but just doesn't live with you guys any more.
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masonsmommy107
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:34 PM
Ya I wouldn't cut them out commpletly just cut back to maybe once a month

Quoting newmom0508:

No doubt we need to cut back but he wants to END visits and DS is not at that level of reasoning yet , that's what makes it hard



Quoting masonsmommy107:

I agree with your dh you need to bring him home and maybe cut back on the visits. And have a talk with ds about this issue. Reassure him that gm loves him but just doesn't live with you guys any more.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:23 PM

Grandparents are such a blessing to kids,of course he doesn't want to come home,it's so fun over there! I would try a reward if next time he doesn't put up a fuss,talk about it ahead of time,and tell him you understand that he's so upset when it's time to go,validate his feelings,but be calm and firm. That seems so immature of your Grandma to cut him out of her life!

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