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for moms with disobedient children.. disciplining and how?

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I have a 5yr old DS, only child, who is so defiant and rebellious. Has been his whole life. He was one of those toddlers that when told not to do something, he would look at you and do it. I took him to a behavioral specialist after his pediatrician suggested it after seeing his behavior in a visit. The specialist wrote up a plan for me to do a list of house rules and behavior chart. It worked a little but
Every child is different, right. My own DR. During a visit recommended the book The strong willed child after seeing his behavior in a visit. That book suggested spanking but never out of anger.
I don't like to spank. I prefer time outs, which he's sent to his room and usually cries or thrashes his room. :-( he just doesn't care. He will be the most difficult child, bossy, it's like he wants to be in trouble. My husband believes in spanking because his parents raised him and his brother that way. They had paddles and would slap theyre mouths when they talked back. He says it worked for him and he's now a respectful, patient, confident and loving man. I tell him i would rather him just talk to our DS but he does what he thinks works. I'm just wondering for those parents who have strong willed children or child that never listens, what kind of discipline do you do and does it work?

We've even done love and logic parenting classes and our son would laugh at us and continue to disobey. I try not to take it too seriously cause he is 5, but it can be quit embarrassing when we're at a restaurant, store or family's house and he wont obey and even when told he wont.....

 expecting baby

After 3 years of TTC # 2 we are happy to announce we're pregnant!  :) We have one very handsome and very busy little son born through IUI in 2007.

by on May. 1, 2012 at 12:35 AM
Replies (11-16):
by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Not every kid that acts out has autism. Just saying. Also, time outs don't usually work too well for 5 year olds, as you are seeing. I do what we call consequences. We sat down and made house rules. For each rule, there was a number of consequences that went with that rule. For example, a rule is no lying. You get 3 consequences for lying. Then we made a consequence jar. I made up different things that they had to do. Some were household chores like wash windows, sweep the dining room, etc. I use this for my almost 5 year old, and it works great. We hardly ever have to do it now. It's also a great lesson for kids to learn at a young age..that every action has a consequence, whether it be a good one or a bad one.
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by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:54 AM
I use a combination of spanking, time outs, talking, long term consequences.
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by on May. 1, 2012 at 9:36 PM
When he's asked to do something or not do something and doesn't listen, then i will send him to his room. He will either lay down in his bed, cry until we tell him we will shut the door, or thrashes his room. After time out we like to talk to him about it unless we already did while he was being put
There. When were at grandma's house and were getting ready to go, we ask him to get his socks and shoes on and he will just sit there or continue jumping around acting crazy. He just doesn't listen. This is when he will get a spanking from my husband or i tell him he will go to his room when he gets home. We also take his wii time away, tv time, and other electronics he enjoys playing.
He doesn't say bad words because he knows better and is good in that department.
by on May. 1, 2012 at 9:44 PM

Quoting piwife:

I use a combination of spanking, time outs, talking, long term consequences.
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by Silver Member on May. 1, 2012 at 10:26 PM

My ds is strong willed and defiant also. We use spanking, time out, taking away privileges (video games), talking, and odd time outs. The new one is ds has to stand in the push up position for 7 minutes (whatever his age that's how long he stays on time out), we've done holding books while on time out, etc. We found regular time out was ineffective but these other ones worked.

by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:19 AM

1. You are in charge not your child, he can be in charge when he runs his own house. You have to make it clear in both actions and confidence that what you say goes or there is disipline. DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH YOUR CHILD!!!!! 

2. Never disipline out of emotion. If your child is behaving that badley then stop the behvaior, and if the time outs in his room are not working, then find a location that does, keep trying until you do. If you and your husband choose to spank, then speak clearly and directly to your child eye to eye and say because you behaved this way I am going to spank you, and turn them around and pat their bottoms. You don't have to hurt but to make your actions clear, with words first and then a small pat. Hitting to cause pain does not do anything for a child other than just hurt them. That is done out of emotional reaction from a parent.

3. Find a middle ground with disipline action with your husband, the rules and the results of misbehaving need to be firm and consistant from one parent to another.

4. Exercise, he needs to run until he passes out and to play hard and be a boy. Let him behave with intense passion during outside play.

5. If your sons behavior causes embarasment, then you must remove him from the situation, he has not earned the right to be there and partack in those activities.

6. No sugar, children with behavior issues tend to become extremely bad with a small dose of sugar. It does affect their moods. Research a diet that provides what your child needs.

7. If you have another child coming, make your son an active member in the birth of this child, make him an active member in holding, changing and taking care of the baby, if he is behaving this way without the baby then he will get worse if he feels put out of place by a new baby. Remember your lap is made for two or five or however many you have all at the same time. This allows him and the new one to know you have room all of them all the time.

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