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step mom after been a mom

Posted by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:06 PM
  • 14 Replies

this is my 1st post so i hope it comes out on the right circle. My name is Pebbles, just recently re married to an amazing man, who had to move his children with him the same week i moved in with him. I love them and I want them in my life, we get along amazingly but it feels like they are going to stay with us forever. Their mom has stepped aside and has very little part in their life. I don't think I am ready to raise kids again. They are teens and have another 4/5 yrs to be done with school. They are a little fresh with their mouths they don't have much discipline all though they have never disrespected, i fear one day they will because of how they talk to their dad and rest of the family. I was not planning on going through the raising kids again. My kids are married and in college. I even have grand kids. We are in the process of buying a house and I am becoming even more scared to making this even more permanently. Again, I don't mind them around, i just wish their mother could be a mother a couple of times a month for me to be able and enjoy my relationship. My husband and I were not ever given that alone time to get to know each other better, we had to go straight into raising his kids. Not to mention he went from an other weekend parent to a full time, with no plans. I don't know what to do. I love him so, but I don't know how long i can take the responsibility for. I don't think i have another 5-6 years to dedicate on raising kids. =/ what to do???? Its not hard been a step parent, but its so hard to raise them after you have already raised your own and are ready to enjoy your self and make it about you. I'm I been selfish? I'm I been unfair? =/

by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:06 PM
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by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:12 PM

by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes I think you are being selfish. You married him knowing he had children. There was always a possibility of him raising his kids. You shouldn't have married him if you werebt mentally prepared for that possibility.
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by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:24 PM
Yes, it seems your being selfish. Just like most women say, take me and my kids or nothing at all. You took him and his kids, or you shouldnt have said I do.
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by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:43 PM
Unfortunately I agree, maybe his exwife feels like shes in need if a rest from being a mom. Idk idc, you don't gave any real issues, other than your self, the kids aren't da disrespectful to you, they are teens, so most the raising is done.

Quoting peacheylady:

Yes, it seems your being selfish. Just like most women say, take me and my kids or nothing at all. You took him and his kids, or you shouldnt have said I do.

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by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:06 AM

just pick a side and go with your decision. The truth is if you really really really love your husband you love his kids as if they are your own. Their being there should be part of your lives. These kids didn't choose this situation the adults did. Also establish the ground rules in the house, first with the husband and yourself. Because if your not going to disipline on the same page or have the same basic rules then there will be conflict. If their mouths are not good and they are not speaking with respect to your husband then disipline is a must.

by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:15 AM

Tell him how you feel, maybe he will send them back to their mom so you can be happy.

by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:33 AM
This is a tough one but who doesn't have tough things to wrk through in our marriages. Marriage is about commitment and sticking it out no matter what life brings. It is also about enjoying and celebrating in the victories of those overwhelming circumstances. This is just a season in your marriage that will pass. I am sure it is very difficult to go through but who better to go through it than with your amazing husband who loves you. All of our marriages have our ups and downs but the blessed marriages are those that look and lean on eachother to get through them. Talk with your husband. Communicate your personal struggles with one another about the situation and work together to come ip with a plan to make it work :-)
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:36 AM
You are the nicest selfish person I have ever met, but yes you are being selfish. I get that it's unexpected, but at this point, if you love him, you have to roll with the punches.
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:05 AM

I hate to say this, but GOOD LUCK.  I was in a similar situation when I married my husband.  His 2 kids were teens.  Well, they are now in their 30's, not married, and still visiting to eat dinner at our house frequently.  Even when money was tight and husband was not working they would come and not bring a thing to our dinner.  Holidays included.  When our baby was born I thought they would stop coming but 11 years later, think again.   They even come when I am sicker than a dog, throwing up in the bathroom or really sick with a cold -- they are still on our doorsteps they don't have the sense to stay home.   If I knew what I know now, I would have RUN in  the opposite direction.

by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:56 PM

Yes MAMAKENZI, PEACHEYLADY, ANGELIC, you ladies are right, I am being selfish and yes angelic I didn't give too many issues other than myself. I didn't give the full story. But this was all much unexpected. I fell in love with my husband knowing that he was a dad of two beautiful young girls. This was ideal for me. He had them every other weekend which it was perfect.  We did a lot of fun things together. Well here is a little about me. My kid’s father and I met in high school we decided to have kids early committing to dedicate to them till they were old enough for us to do our thing. We plan them 2 yrs apart. Ones the baby turned 13 the older would 15 and able to look out for one another if we decided to go out to a mover or have a date night. Never went anywhere without our kids. It was fine. That’s the way we want to handle our parenthood. Well guess what……. My son turned 13 and he was gone, he left us when my son turned 10(that’s a story by itself). He left and didn’t look back. I became a single mom’s today. Nothing wrong with that, all though I hurt and felt I was going to die I became about my kids, all about them. I waited 4 years to date. I remember my son saw my date hold my date and he gave a very disappointment look, and this made me make a decision. I would dedicate to my kids to my children till they graduate high school. I kept the house were they had started school in. I didn’t want to take them out of school; it was bad enough they lost their father to also lose their friends. I was not alright with that. So I did what I had to do to keep me focus on my children. Over all the issues in our lives my daughter graduated, then my son. Not to make all this much longer. My daughter got married, my son started college and I decided to move out of state and start living my life a little. I sold my house witch I was working 3 jobs for. I figure I would just take life a little easy. My son stayed with his father and my daughter with her husband. So I met this amazing man who swept my feet away. I needed a man who had children so he can understand how I am with my children. I traveled every other weekend. We lived a little far away therefore we decided to move in together.  The week before I move in with him his kid’s mother kicked them out the house because of an argument with her boyfriend.  He told him if he didn’t pick them up they would be on the street. So are you kidding me…..I was the 1st one to encourage to go and get them, we did whatever it took to make these children comfortable and happy. It was great timing that I had to be home for a couple of weeks. We became very close. It took the mother over 3 months to look for them. TAG2.0 no, I don’t want them to leave him to go back to her.  I was so against them going back with her. In between all this I heard so much about the life these kids were living. OMGsh… I honestly felt I was in this man’s life for a reason, even my kids told me that now they see the reason why I landed where I am right now. They feel these kids need a mom and who better than me. =/ they sure made me see things positive. Anyway, yes MAMACC5 I love my husband, I really, really, really love him and his kids have become part of my life. And you are right they are kids and are in a life situation they didn’t choose. And like I always say to them “you don’t worry about anything, you leave the adult issues to the adults” . And yes this is my issue, it’s me, do I have another 5/6 years to dedicate? Do I want to spend the best years of my life going home to cook, clean, go though teen changes plus. AND we have very little alone time since we moved in together. We even took them all to most of our honeymoon getaway. I waited over 14 years to find men who can dedicate to me and I did, but then all of the sudden I lost it. it can’t be about me, =( he even gets home late from work and by the time he gets in they are all fed and ready to go to bed. The mother…. No… she is very little in the picture, which I don’t know if it’s a good thing. She don’t have the idea life and every time they spend the weekend with her I am a nervous wreck, wondering what is going to happen in front of these kids and what danger are they going to be into. Yes…. It’s not that good on the other side. ((That’s a story by itself)).  I pray every day that this woman becomes a mother; I pray she straighten up her life and does the right thing for her kids. Even if they don’t go with her, but it would be good if they had the peace of mind that their mom was going to be alright. I need for her to be able and participate a little, maybe then I can have some kind of alone and quality time with my husband.  I am not a bad person, I am a great mother, wife, and have always lived for everyone. I thought I would live a little for myself but here I go again. Yes, CLARK7258 I do know that I have to stick it out, he is worth it, but I just sometimes wonder, what if?? I have discussed it with him and he supports me all the way. KAITALYNN I am trying to roll with them punches. PB0824, I know I want to be with him for the rest of our lives. But I think it would be so much worst if they go back and their mother teaches them their way. I want them to be raised with respect and looking ahead to a good life. I sometimes want to run, but he is a good man and I don’t want to run from him. I know this is a lot of reading. I’m sorry; I guess I had to vent a little. Thank you ladies for taking your time to read my story, Blessings to all!!!


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