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Appropriate discipline for 5 year old??

Posted by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:04 AM
  • 27 Replies

 My five year old has me at the end of my rope.  She will not get dressed in the morning.  She will do it for daycare, her dad, my mom, everyone else.  She has tantrums that her clothes are too tight, too loose, itchy, or there is something not right about every fucking of them.  It's to the point, I'm ready to call her dad and say, you want to be a fucking father, come pick her up.  She's welcome to come home when she can get dressed.  And before I get bashed, I've tried everything.  I've talked to her dr., we do a chore chart, I've tried letting her pick out her clothes at the store, she picks and tries on her clothes the night before, wearing her clothes to bed the night before, I let her help with laundry, every possible thing you can think of I've tried.  I can't keep having every damn morning a miserable scream fest because my 5 year old can't figure out what she wants to wear when her outfits are [picked out the night before.  Magically there is a problem with them every goddamn morning.  SHe screams like I"m hurting her, in reality I"m chasing her around the fucking room forcing something on her.  She went to school today in some shit that wasn't weather appropriate (shorts and a tank top).  I told her she was not allowed to change clothes (her teacher has let her in the past), and I told her if it was too cold for her to go outside she had to go to the younger kids room and stay in.  Here's the thing, at this point I could give a fuck what she wears, I just want her to wear something, anything, that doesn't require a fight.  IDC if she goes in her pajamas, but even thats a fight.  I fucking hate my life.  I hate that this is my life every fucking morning.  It's always a fight and I"m done iwth it.  I'm done iwth doing this shit on my own.  I just need some fucking help and I have none, not a fucking soul will help me. 

Anyways, I told her her discipline for tonight is she will come home and clean the room that she destroyed this morning.  She will come down and have dinner, and go back up and sit on her bed until it's bed time.  In the past I've taken TV priveleges, playing outside, everything.  She doesn't care.  Is this appropriate for her age?  Help me please.  I'm out of ideas and patience..

by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
luvemboth
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2012 at 9:23 AM
I don't mean for this to sound harsh, but is she getting enough loving attention from you? Since she dresses just fine for everyone else, this really has nothing to do with clothes at all. It sounds like she's crying out for attention, even negative attention, and she's learned that this is how she can get it. Is she acting out in other ways with just you?

As far as appropriate discipline, my 5 yo has also had to clean her rm followed by an hr of having to sit on her bed, and that worked pretty well.
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wigglesmomma22
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:30 AM

 I love on her all the time.  I am a fulltime nursing student and I don't work so I can spend time with her.  She has always been more difficult for me than anyone else.  She can be the most loving little girl in the world and I do the best that I can.  My best isn't always good enough, but by no means does that mean she doesn't get enough attention.  We play, read, go to the park, etc.  I let her have friends over.  I'm at a loss as to what to do.  She is pretty much an angel outside of this getting dressed issue.  Looking back, even when I lived with her dad we had this problem.  She would scream and throw a fit to get dressed in the morning (and this was before I was in school).  Yesterday, I told her we could play princess (I put on a little makeup on her...powder and lipgloss) and did her hair.)...so she definitely gets the loving attention.  I"m just a mess...I don't know how to fix this.  I've tried everything.  I've tried positive reinforcement...nothing is working.

ceciliam
by Cecilia on May. 3, 2012 at 9:30 AM

It definitely sounds like attention grabbing behavior to me.

I would just stop arguing with her. Maybe pick out two outfits, so in the morning she has a choice (kids like thinking they are making their own decisions) and then you don't argue with her. Tell her it's her choice to get dressed or not get dressed but if she doesn't get dressed, you will not take her to school and you will send the teacher a note as to why she couldn't go to school. I do this with my 6 year old son when he gives me a hard time about doing home work. I pack the home work up and tell him I'm writing the teacher a note as to why he didn't do his homework. Guess what? He does his homework with-out argument.

Good luck.

wigglesmomma22
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:31 AM

 The thing is, she has to go to school.  I have to go to school.  I can't give a stipulation I can't follow through on.  I told her this morning if she didn't get dressed she would go to school in her underwear...and I meant it...

Quoting ceciliam:

It definitely sounds like attention grabbing behavior to me.

I would just stop arguing with her. Maybe pick out two outfits, so in the morning she has a choice (kids like thinking they are making their own decisions) and then you don't argue with her. Tell her it's her choice to get dressed or not get dressed but if she doesn't get dressed, you will not take her to school and you will send the teacher a note as to why she couldn't go to school. I do this with my 6 year old son when he gives me a hard time about doing home work. I pack the home work up and tell him I'm writing the teacher a note as to why he didn't do his homework. Guess what? He does his homework with-out argument.

Good luck.

 

ceciliam
by Cecilia on May. 3, 2012 at 9:36 AM

See, with my son it wasn't the fact of not letting him do the homework. It was the note to the teacher that got him upset. He didn't want the teacher to know that he was mis-behaving at home. We never got to the point where he didn't do his homework and I had to send the note in.

On a side note. Maybe the clothes really do bother her....like a sensory thing. Just a thought.

Quoting wigglesmomma22:

 The thing is, she has to go to school.  I have to go to school.  I can't give a stipulation I can't follow through on.  I told her this morning if she didn't get dressed she would go to school in her underwear...and I meant it...

Quoting ceciliam:

It definitely sounds like attention grabbing behavior to me.

I would just stop arguing with her. Maybe pick out two outfits, so in the morning she has a choice (kids like thinking they are making their own decisions) and then you don't argue with her. Tell her it's her choice to get dressed or not get dressed but if she doesn't get dressed, you will not take her to school and you will send the teacher a note as to why she couldn't go to school. I do this with my 6 year old son when he gives me a hard time about doing home work. I pack the home work up and tell him I'm writing the teacher a note as to why he didn't do his homework. Guess what? He does his homework with-out argument.

Good luck.

 


Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:38 AM

Well FUCK! lol

My daughter is three. She tries to pull this crap with me. I find that attempting to reason with her when she is in a rage is not smart and pointless. I have found that lowering my voice to a whisper, not showing anger on in my facial expressions and just following through with what needs to be done whether it's getting dressed or brushing teeth, or whatever works better than showing frustration. She may throw a fit but she will get dressed. There are days when she has choices in what she will get to wear. There are other days where there is only one outfit in her dresser because I have pulled every other piece of clothing out and put it in a laundry basket hidden in my closet.

With a small child, especially under the age of 11, it's pretty important for the puishment to be swift (immediate). If I were to tell my daughter that he punishment was going to come hours later she would meet me HOURS LATER with all of the anxiety she mad built up thinking about it throughout the day. If my daughter destroyed her room like that I would gather up very toy that was on the floor and hide them. In fact, I've done that. I still have a huge box of toys in my attic that she has forgotten about.

My daughter has more energy than I do, but I'm smarter. HA

Good luck with all of this!!

suetoo
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2012 at 9:38 AM
I think it might be time for you to see a counselor. It sounds like there is way more going on than a refusal to get dressed for you. You seem so angry and your dtr seems very skilled in manipulating you. Maybe you could temporarily get rid of all her clothing options. Empty her drawers and closet of everything, including pajamas, except general school appropriate, comfy jeans and tshirts. Let her go to school in whatever she is sleeping in. If she cooperates, make sure her good behavior is rewarded. Maybe a 20 minute walk or story time, positive one on one time with you. Good luck. If you think a 5 yr old is tough, wait until she is 13.
wigglesmomma22
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:39 AM

 She knows I talk with her teacher on a regular basis.  The teacher has been trying to help me through this as well.  I've thought about the sensory issue as well.  I've bought clothes, upon clothes, upon clothes.  My mom has taken her shopping and they've tried on everything before she comes home.  The clothes are fine for a week and then there is suddenly a problem.  I've talked to her doctor and she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her.  If I could buy one type of clothing and it would work for I would do it.  At this point, I would do just about anything to make this nonsense stop.  I'm just at a loss of what to do.  I wouldn't send her to live with her dad, but my god, I cna't take much more. 

Quoting ceciliam:

See, with my son it wasn't the fact of not letting him do the homework. It was the note to the teacher that got him upset. He didn't want the teacher to know that he was mis-behaving at home. We never got to the point where he didn't do his homework and I had to send the note in.

On a side note. Maybe the clothes really do bother her....like a sensory thing. Just a thought.

Quoting wigglesmomma22:

 The thing is, she has to go to school.  I have to go to school.  I can't give a stipulation I can't follow through on.  I told her this morning if she didn't get dressed she would go to school in her underwear...and I meant it...

Quoting ceciliam:

It definitely sounds like attention grabbing behavior to me.

I would just stop arguing with her. Maybe pick out two outfits, so in the morning she has a choice (kids like thinking they are making their own decisions) and then you don't argue with her. Tell her it's her choice to get dressed or not get dressed but if she doesn't get dressed, you will not take her to school and you will send the teacher a note as to why she couldn't go to school. I do this with my 6 year old son when he gives me a hard time about doing home work. I pack the home work up and tell him I'm writing the teacher a note as to why he didn't do his homework. Guess what? He does his homework with-out argument.

Good luck.

 


 

JasonsMom2007
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Do certain clothes bother her more than others? It could be sensory issues. My son has sensory issues and for him its because they are too cold. I warm them in the dryer then he gets dressed quickly to avoid them getting cold! If he takes too long and they get cold I don't rewarm them.
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ash522
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:42 AM
Have you tried active ignoring? Our family counselor told us to try that with our 5 yo DS. (he's adopted & has a lot of problems from previous home) It has worked wonders for us. I would give her maybe 2 outfit choices & if she starts giving you fits just completely ignore the behavior. It's really hard to do at first but it does work, or at least it has for us. My DS loves school & has only had to miss 1 time because of his behavior. And when he missed school I did not make it a fun day at home. He's never done it again. As soon as the whining, crying, tantrum, etc... is over then we carry on like nothing happened.
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