Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

I left my daughters dad when I was about 2 months prego because he was smoking weed and i didn't need to be around it and he wasn't willing to stop.  Well my daughter is now 3.5 yrs old and we both took her to the park on tuesday, while she was off playing me and him talked.  talked about the past and what exactly happened so we were both clear, he told me he no longer smokes, he made comments that seems to me like he wants to try to work things out, i have thought about this several times but didnt' want to bring it up and end up getting rejected if he was in a relationship, well he openly told me that he hasn't ever had a girlfriend since me.  He knows i am single and we actually had a really good time together, we luaghed, we cried (me) and just all around had a good time.  I can't stop thinking about him and the what ifs.  I was talking with my family last night and they all want me too, but i just don't know how to bring it up to him.  he knows my family really well and my sister asked me if i kissed him tuesday...i was thinking about bringing that up on monday when we talk....be like "oh so my sis asked if we kissed" or something like that.    Sorry for such a long post but just need some help here, i know all of u dont know him or me but wondering if anyone has been in this situation and wondering if anyone has any ideas of how to bring it up...TIA

by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:39 PM
Replies (11-19):
angelhart3
by on May. 5, 2012 at 8:52 AM
1 mom liked this

Maybe if he has texting...text him and tell him how you enjoyed the time you spent together with dd and ask if he'd be interested in dating again. GOOD LUCK!!!! How exciting!!!

alinev
by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:54 AM

Not even knowing if he is single is not a good sign. If he was ireally nterested in starting over he would have given up that information really early. One could guess that he is trying to figure out what you are thinking/feeling but you are parents, not high schoolers and again, his behavior is the reason you left. You were the more mature one before, are you ready to continue to wear the pants. 

Additionally, he is starting school soon? What has he been doing for 3 years? Does he have any savings, a job, where is he living? 

I am afraid that if you ask him what he wants before you settle all of that up front, whatever anxiety you are feeling right now is going to be nothing compared to the pain of having to break up with him again. 

Quoting amf0909:

we talked about our future as individules last week, and it sounds to me like he is in a better place now...starting school soon, all the stuff to make his life better.  but i need to know so i dont sit here and wonder forever, i am not going to wait forever for him to say something...i need to know cuz not knowing is causing me anxiety, i would of done it way sooner but i didn't know he was single

Quoting alinev:

I would not say anything about your wanting to rekindle the relationship. It was his behavior that caused you to leave, let  him man up and put it on the table. It is not game playing but requiring him to take responsiblity for the direction he would like to go. As women, we tend to make it way to easy for men to just "go along" with our plan. 

Communiate with him, see where he is in his life, where he wants to go. You may not want what he does anymore and it would be unfair to you and  your child to get involved again if it is only going to end in disappointmet. 


Good luck, and make him work for it. 



Angeleyes_6
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:48 AM
1 mom liked this
What's done is done. If you keep looking back you will never move forward. Let the past go and see where your future takes you. If he really quit than he's trying for his family. Give him credit for that. It can be hard to quit bad habits but he did and it really don't matter how long it took him. I think it would be great if you two got back together. There's nothing better than mommy and daddy loving eachother :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amf0909
by on May. 7, 2012 at 1:41 AM
1 mom liked this
We have been txting a lot this week...mainly about other stuff but better than a month ago...we r meeting tmrw....and cant wait :)

Quoting angelhart3:

Maybe if he has texting...text him and tell him how you enjoyed the time you spent together with dd and ask if he'd be interested in dating again. GOOD LUCK!!!! How exciting!!!



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AM-BRAT
by Amber on May. 7, 2012 at 3:03 AM



Quoting vwd_johnson:

Just be honest with him and take it slow. Ask him if he wants to come over for a pizza and movie night with you and your daughter. See how the nights is going and take it from there. Movies are also a perfect cuddle trap ;) maybe when DD starts falling asleep you can throw a cuddle move in there and see how he takes it. Give a good hug goodbye when he leaves, leave him wondering . Get that spark back and see if there's something there.



Then maybe next week go to dinner and talk about it and let him know you wanna try again. Good luck.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on May. 7, 2012 at 9:09 AM

If you think this is in the best interest of your child, not you, your child, then you should try. 

PuppetDani
by on May. 7, 2012 at 9:15 AM

Best of luck!

amf0909
by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:07 PM

just an update...i talked to him and we are going try and work things out, slow and steady...nothing major at first, and told him we have to build a relationship with our daughter and one with just us!

erikadi
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2012 at 7:42 PM

Maybe you guys should take it slow. Maybe have more outings while your daughter is around and also just dates for the two of you.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN