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How would you handle this?

Posted by on May. 4, 2012 at 4:04 AM
  • 23 Replies

Ok a little back story... my daughter has been bullied her entire school year by some classmates. She handles it pretty well but she has started slipping up the last few weeks and is a diffrent person she is hitting and calling names and getting into alot of trouble at home and school.

Ok so my question is what would you say to her? We have told her to let it slide and be the bigger person and to stand up for herself, but neither has worked. We have talked to her teacher about it and she has moved the other girls away from her. But she is still so depressed cause of the things she has been told. Today unknown by me she wore shoes to school that were to small for her so her feet will look smaller. She does not openly tell me things or anyone she is just trying to change herself. What are some creative ways to handle this cause ive dried all my ideas up.... thanks in advance!!!!

by on May. 4, 2012 at 4:04 AM
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 8:11 AM
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     it is a shame that parents don't teach their children to respect others. in my opinion their parents are probably bullies to. but to tell her to let it slide off her back is not validating her feelings and is probably why she isn't coming to you about it anymore. she's hurting and obviously bad. i would sugest a parent, teacher, principal confrence with the girls involved. they don't have to like each other but enough is enough of the bulling. those girls need to be told it's time to focus on your schooling and less on what someone else is doing or wearing. getting the adults involved should hopefully scare them straight. i'd even ask for bigger concequense than moving them. like no recess or joining in a game or fun activity the class is doing.

    i know that not all of us humans young and old get along but when it affects a child to the point of depression or falling behind in school, it really needs to start being adressed and handled with more than kind words but a stern fist!

by Cecilia on May. 4, 2012 at 10:40 AM
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I'm sorry your daughter is going through this.

by on May. 4, 2012 at 10:51 AM
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I'd make sure to keep speaking with the teacher, possibly even escallating it to going to the principal.  Ask the guidance counselor for advice on how to handle it.  I'd ask them to inform the other parents about what is going on. 

How old is your daughter?  My daughter was ignored in kindergarden.  I sent candy with her in her lunchbox and told her to tell her classmates that whoever sat next to her at lunch gets a piece of candy.  A week later, several girls were fighting over who got to be her best friend.  That's the one thing about kids -- you can buy their love.

by on May. 4, 2012 at 10:59 AM

How old is she?

I'd contact the school counselor.  Bullying should not be excused like this.  :(   If your DD is in elementary, the counselor can easily spend a lunch a week with her or pull her out of class for a few minutes a week to spend extra one-on-one time with her.  My 5th grade DD says a few of the kids she knows do this, and it's not embarrassing for them - most of the other kids are jealous!  :)  If she's older, I'd suggest spending more one on one time with her.  She needs to be reassured that she's great just the way she is.  Maybe find some fun things to do with her (no need to spend lots of money) that would lighten up her life a bit...manicures, a cool haircut, taking a photography class together...

by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:10 AM

This happened to my daughter this year I transfered her to a new school and the kids were rude to her and started rumors about her and she was miserable.  I contacted the principle and the councelor.  There responses were not good enough for me.  Fortunately my daughter worked it out somehow.  She stood up for herself and eventually the girls backed off once they got to know her better.  However, if it had kept going on I would have went over the principles head too!  Schools today have a no tollerance policy for bulling and it has to be upheld!!!!  You should take this seriously cause it is mental abuse and no one should have to be forced to put up with that.  She is helpless and you need to help her in this.  Go to the school and demand a meeting with the principle and councelor, if that doesn't fix the problem then you need to go to the superintendent of the school district and RAISE HELL.  Good luck and talk to her don't let this go on it is affecting her too much!!!

by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:15 AM
I would be pulling my daughter out of school if they won't do anything about it. The teacher has to see/hear this going on. What grade is she in? I agree with the meeting with the girls and their parents. Demand this from the school. If it doesn't stop this could cause damage to your daughter later. Plus these girls could do this to someone more fragile later, that results in devistating consequinces (sp).
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:47 AM

 Sounds like it is time to involve the other parents, the principal, the teacher etc...Bullying is NOT ok!! My son was being bullied and I spoke with the teacher and she is great!! But if it had continued, I would have involved the principal.
It breaks my heart!! Kids need us as parents to not accept bullying at all!!
I would get in there and raise HELL!!
Go Mama!!

by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:52 AM

 I was bullied in middle school.  It sucked, but I got through it, and am stronger for it.  My son was bullied for a few years too, but they leave him alone now.  Keep telling your daughter how amazing she is and that these bullies do it because they're jealous of her for some reason and that they do it because they're getting some sort of reaction out of her.  Once they don't get the reaction they want, they will stop.  Help her find activities she enjoys and hopefully she'll find a good niche of friends and will feel better about herself.  Keep building up her self esteem.  She WILL get through it!

by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:06 PM

My thoughts will probably be in the minority here.


A lot of times kids don't want you to go higher than the principal and counselor.  It just means that their tormentors (sp?) get better at hiding their bullying and even escalate the bad behavior.  I do believe unfortunately that schools now have a zero policy on bullying but seldom enforce it for various reasons.  It looks good on paper but if they actively let reported bullying slide with little to no consequences then is the "no bullying" policy effective at all?


I'll hop down off my soapbox now because you asked about creative ways to handle what appears to be declining self esteem.  My first offered suggestion would be to enroll her in a martial arts course of some sort if your budget would allow it.  While it would teach her to fight, it would more importanly teach her the value of discipline and how to walk away without letting words affect her as deeply.  My only other suggestion would be to allow her more activities outside of school where she can make friends with others who enjoy the same kinds of things that she does.  That way maybe she wouldn't care so much what the mean kids say when she knows that she has true friends to turn to.


No matter what though I wish you the best of luck in combatting this issue for the sake of your daughter.



by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:15 PM

This one is hitting extremely close to home. I was bullied all my life and my daughter all of her school career. My son is 10 and I just had to report bullying done to him. There are laws and regulations that support no bullying. They sent me home a form to fill out and send back. 

No matter what the reason no one being and adult or worse yet a child has the right to bully anyone. I would bring it to your principles attention and if you do not results within I would say a week go to your Towns Board of Education Department. You might even try getting a hold of your School districts manual (they are online most of the also) and find out your towns stance on it and procedures. 

My son has mental health issues and learning disibilities, I do not tolerate anything. My daughter droped out of high school because they didn't catch her learning disibility and the kids constantly picked on her. She never told me this and it lead into depression. People can only take so much before they act back. 

You are you childs advocate and sometimes we need to not be so nice to protect our children.

If you would like any information or help or just advice you can message me and I'll be happy to be there for you.

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