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Hello everyone I am new to CafeMom looking for some advice. I have a 6 week old newborn & her father has petitioned for visitation rights, which I'm not against. Here is the issue, he was not around my entire nor was he there for her birth, she didn't meet him until she was 4 weeks old & that has been the ONLY time he's seen her. We have been arguing because he feels like he should be able to just come & pick her up since she's his daughter however I feel like he needs to bond with her first. Am I wrong or asking for too much? He still hasn't came by to see her or have asked to see her & I have been very open with letting him know he is more then welcome to see her, he just can't pick her up without bonding with her. Please help!
by on May. 5, 2012 at 3:18 AM
Replies (31-40):
MissNarin
by on May. 5, 2012 at 8:04 PM
I'm not keeping him away as you see from my other replies. He's keeping himself away because of his own personal issues, I only want them to bond before coming to pick her up & that I'm comfortable knowing he can properly care for her. She's breast fed, yes I can pump & I'll be willing too but I don't even know if he knows how to change a diaper!


Quoting love-javier:

He's her father. I wish my sons father wanted to see him. Trust me as she gets older regardless of your differences you will be thankful she has her father in her life. Talk about it and come to a realistic compramise.she's only 6 weeks old and its not like he needed to be around for your pregnancy to be a good father to her. Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us but this has nothing to do with you. Regardless of your hurt feelings you need to somehow put it all aside and work together to parent your child. That young she shouldn't be away from you too long anyway.

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GOBryan
by on May. 5, 2012 at 8:20 PM

Their immune system isn't developed enough so they can easily get sick. Exposure isn't very good for them until they are a little older. 

Quoting cawmom:

Im confused why is a 6 week old go young to go anywhere?


Quoting GOBryan:

How will you know if/when they've bonded? My thing is she's 6 weeks old. Too young to be taken out anywhere, even by you. He probably needs to come by and spend time with her inside or if he lives in a safe place, you can drop her off for a few hours at his place but not take her around without just cause. 



GOBryan
by on May. 5, 2012 at 8:22 PM

I don't think bonding is the issue as much as exposure. How much bonding time did you need before you could be alone with her? Dad's not going to be much different in many cases. 

Quoting MissNarin:

That's the thing .. I don't know how much bonding time is needed but I know I shouldn't just let her go without ANY bonding. She's only met him once. I've offered on numerous occasions to bring her to him or him come over here but he's declined every offer.


Quoting GOBryan:

How will you know if/when they've bonded? My thing is she's 6 weeks old. Too young to be taken out anywhere, even by you. He probably needs to come by and spend time with her inside or if he lives in a safe place, you can drop her off for a few hours at his place but not take her around without just cause. 



MissNarin
by on May. 5, 2012 at 8:25 PM
I've had 9 whole months of bonding with her, it is very different.


Quoting GOBryan:

I don't think bonding is the issue as much as exposure. How much bonding time did you need before you could be alone with her? Dad's not going to be much different in many cases. 

Quoting MissNarin:

That's the thing .. I don't know how much bonding time is needed but I know I shouldn't just let her go without ANY bonding. She's only met him once. I've offered on numerous occasions to bring her to him or him come over here but he's declined every offer.





Quoting GOBryan:

How will you know if/when they've bonded? My thing is she's 6 weeks old. Too young to be taken out anywhere, even by you. He probably needs to come by and spend time with her inside or if he lives in a safe place, you can drop her off for a few hours at his place but not take her around without just cause. 





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lovingmommywife
by on May. 5, 2012 at 8:39 PM
Talk to a lawyer ASAP.


Quoting MissNarin:

It will be .. He filed for visitation rights & we have mediation next month. Not sure if I'm suppose to respond to anything though, I haven't been served, just received papers for a mediation appt.




Quoting lovingmommywife:

If he wants visits make sure it's court order. Cuz he can take off with her. Get it on paper first.


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VisionSeeker
by on May. 5, 2012 at 8:44 PM
This makes the most sense. But trust your gut. If you don't feel comfortable listen to your gut.

Quoting love-javier:

He's her father. I wish my sons father wanted to see him. Trust me as she gets older regardless of your differences you will be thankful she has her father in her life. Talk about it and come to a realistic compramise.she's only 6 weeks old and its not like he needed to be around for your pregnancy to be a good father to her. Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us but this has nothing to do with you. Regardless of your hurt feelings you need to somehow put it all aside and work together to parent your child. That young she shouldn't be away from you too long anyway.
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MissNarin
by on May. 5, 2012 at 8:53 PM
This would make sense if I were trying to keep her away from him but I've only done opposite! I've offered to take her to him or have him come over, he's declined. I'm sure you wouldn't allow your 6 week old child whom is breast fed out of your sight without any bonding between the two.


Quoting VisionSeeker:

This makes the most sense. But trust your gut. If you don't feel comfortable listen to your gut.



Quoting love-javier:

He's her father. I wish my sons father wanted to see him. Trust me as she gets older regardless of your differences you will be thankful she has her father in her life. Talk about it and come to a realistic compramise.she's only 6 weeks old and its not like he needed to be around for your pregnancy to be a good father to her. Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us but this has nothing to do with you. Regardless of your hurt feelings you need to somehow put it all aside and work together to parent your child. That young she shouldn't be away from you too long anyway.

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nverheyn2011
by on May. 5, 2012 at 9:04 PM

if he wasn't there, i don't think he should be allowed to just come by and get her. especially at such a young age. if he wants visitation rights, then IMSO they should be supervised by you or someone you can trust like a grandparent or something until either he proves he wants to be in her life, or until he screws up... one of the two... (sorry if that last bit scared you a bit. he just sounds like someone who can be trusted easily.)

MissNarin
by on May. 5, 2012 at 9:28 PM
Thank you .. I didn't think so either.


Quoting nverheyn2011:

if he wasn't there, i don't think he should be allowed to just come by and get her. especially at such a young age. if he wants visitation rights, then IMSO they should be supervised by you or someone you can trust like a grandparent or something until either he proves he wants to be in her life, or until he screws up... one of the two... (sorry if that last bit scared you a bit. he just sounds like someone who can be trusted easily.)


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momof3_2011
by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:26 AM

I usually hate seeing these posts about mothers not wanting the dads in there childs lives. But you are offering to take her to his house. That seems pretty reasonible to me. 6 weeks is young. And bfing too. Yeah I would not want to let her go that young either.

BTW- I never took any of my babies out of the house unless a Dr apt until they were around 12 weeks. There immune system is weak.

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