Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

what would you do/what should i do to make him get it?

Posted by   + Show Post

ok so i actually posted this in responce to another mom, but im curious what people would advice ME.

im tired of my husband smoking too. its really bad hear because he doesnt just smoke ciggaretts he smokes those black n milds that crystilize your lungs then hit your heart. its bad. i heard one black n mild =4 cigarretts. when i met him and married him he was not a smoker. he started up one day just when he would drink and now he smokes 3 a day. he has cut down to like 1 a day when he can thoguh. but i dont understand, he smokes inside. he makes sure hes not in the same room as our son but doesnt care if im there or not. he doesnt even open a window half the time. then i tell him i can smell it all over the house and he just gets upset and tells me im lying and being over dramatic. he wont even smoke outside. i wont leave my husband over smoking but it does hurt that he doesnt seem to feel that im telling the truth that its effecting our son. he also thinks its BS that you can get ill from second hand smoking. i had cancer and i got it under control but the docc said the more im arround smoke the more likely it will come back faster. i mean i still have a bit there but not enough for a surgury. i love my husband and i wish i could convince him that his smoking really is effecting our health and that it really does reach the back of the house.

by on May. 5, 2012 at 2:28 PM
Replies (11-18):
GOBryan
by on May. 5, 2012 at 3:29 PM
1 mom liked this

If my husband started smoking, I'd divorce him. I know that's drastic but I find it disgusting and when I was dating, if I discovered that a guy smoked, I was no longer interested so it's a big deal to me. 

Smoking inside the house is a major no no.. Not only is it unhealthy and gets through the a/c vents into other rooms. That crap sticks to the walls and white walls become yellow. I'm a Realtor and it's obvious when I take a Buyer into a home owned by a smoker whether it's occupied or vacant. The smell is there and the stains on the walls, floors, etc. My guests that smoke, when they visit, if they want to smoke... OUTSIDE!!! I don't even have an ashtray in my home.  

We won't even go into the health issues and the 2nd hand smoke problems, especially for kids.  Well.. Yes, I will... I have a Realtor friend who got cancer in her throat due to 2nd hand smoke.. She doesn't smoke and never has. Now, after her operation, she's got to be fitted for a voice box. 'nuff said. 

annismom10
by on May. 5, 2012 at 4:17 PM
YOU HAVE CANCER &HE WONT QUIT?!?! Do you hear yourself? My husband smokes outside & no I wont leave him over it but if I got cancer & he didnt?! I am blown away. That man does not respect you. I wont take my kid into a house if the owners smoke in it. I know my opinion isn't going to change your mind. But you seem nice. You deserve someone that will accomidate your illness.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AM-BRAT
by Amber on May. 5, 2012 at 4:22 PM
That's pretty extreme over such a small need.

I used to smoke and dh hated it.

I'm sorry, I have no advice for this. What a bummer.


Quoting mommy091011:

i agree he says "no its my house i should be able to smoke in my own house." i want to tell him to drive all the way to his parents house and smoke there if he wants to smoke inside. but then i think he might do it and end up staying there most nights. i dont want us to fall apart over this.

Quoting PinkParadox:

Sounds like an ass. He could at least go outside.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommy091011
by on May. 5, 2012 at 4:27 PM

now see i have told him that conversation too. and i blame it on my doctor even sometimes just to see if he will do it outside he says to me " here ill open the window and turn on the fan ok?" then if i still complain he goes off on how good i have it. we have a house and our bills get paid and i dont have to work and our son gets everything he needs and he helps me with the chores like dishes and even folds the laundry and then goes off about no husband he knows does these things. so i mean hes rude in this aspect yes! i do have my reasons for loving him though. he is very ambtous and he even opened his own company and he is starting to do ok in it( i mean we are paying our bills off of it) and he does help me around the house, and during most other arguments he does fold pretty easily and he does defend me when his parents attack me or when his siblings attack me and he does do a lot around the house. its just this one thing really. other than this hes pretty much perfect (every wife seems to say this about there SO though lol so) so i guess thats why ts so confusing and thats why im torn on how angry i should really be on it.

Quoting annismom10:

YOU HAVE CANCER &HE WONT QUIT?!?! Do you hear yourself? My husband smokes outside & no I wont leave him over it but if I got cancer & he didnt?! I am blown away. That man does not respect you. I wont take my kid into a house if the owners smoke in it. I know my opinion isn't going to change your mind. But you seem nice. You deserve someone that will accomidate your illness.


PinkParadox
by on May. 5, 2012 at 4:37 PM
1 mom liked this
asking him to smoke outside is a small request. He doesn't respect you and he's a selfish parent that obviously doesn't care about his child's health. If he would rather smoke inside than have his family, you have a serious issue. You can make excuses for him, or make him get his crap together. Just complaining us obviously not going to do it.

Quoting mommy091011:

i agree he says "no its my house i should be able to smoke in my own house." i want to tell him to drive all the way to his parents house and smoke there if he wants to smoke inside. but then i think he might do it and end up staying there most nights. i dont want us to fall apart over this.

Quoting PinkParadox:

Sounds like an ass. He could at least go outside.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
beco8627
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2012 at 4:42 PM
As a smoker myself, I can probably say with 98% certainty that your not going to get to quit smoking...however, going outside should be common courtesy. I've never smoked in my house, even before kids and I couldn't even fathom smoking around my kids, let alone in a closed up space that they share with me. He's not going to listen to you if you tell him how much he's harming himself, but try and insist on how much he could harm the kids.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
annismom10
by on May. 8, 2012 at 4:28 AM
See, a man shouldnt make u feel bad /bring up how good u have it for being a SAHM. there were things that sounded nice about him yes, but i guess it comes down to good vs bad. If he doesnt care about a docs opinion he wont care about a shrink either. I hope things will work out for you, & you'll stay healthy.


Quoting mommy091011:

now see i have told him that conversation too. and i blame it on my doctor even sometimes just to see if he will do it outside he says to me " here ill open the window and turn on the fan ok?" then if i still complain he goes off on how good i have it. we have a house and our bills get paid and i dont have to work and our son gets everything he needs and he helps me with the chores like dishes and even folds the laundry and then goes off about no husband he knows does these things. so i mean hes rude in this aspect yes! i do have my reasons for loving him though. he is very ambtous and he even opened his own company and he is starting to do ok in it( i mean we are paying our bills off of it) and he does help me around the house, and during most other arguments he does fold pretty easily and he does defend me when his parents attack me or when his siblings attack me and he does do a lot around the house. its just this one thing really. other than this hes pretty much perfect (every wife seems to say this about there SO though lol so) so i guess thats why ts so confusing and thats why im torn on how angry i should really be on it.

Quoting annismom10:

YOU HAVE CANCER &HE WONT QUIT?!?! Do you hear yourself? My husband smokes outside & no I wont leave him over it but if I got cancer & he didnt?! I am blown away. That man does not respect you. I wont take my kid into a house if the owners smoke in it. I know my opinion isn't going to change your mind. But you seem nice. You deserve someone that will accomidate your illness.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Amberleigh81
by Member on May. 8, 2012 at 9:34 AM
Ummmm every GOOD husband I know does those things and more! You are asking a small thing, that he not expose you and your children to second and third hand smoke, and he won't budge? Maybe you SHOULD kick him out so he knows you are serious. Also, defending you against his family is his JOB as a husband. No gold star there.

My husband smoked when we met, and I nagged him for years to quit. He never smoked around me or inside, but I still wanted him to quit because of HIS health. Then, when I became pregnant, I told him he MUST quit or I would leave him (after 12 years together). He knew I was serious, and he did, hopefully this time for good. I tell him all the time how proud I am that he chose his family over cigarettes, and he tells me he is really proud of me for not giving up on him and nagging him to be healthy (I also nag about food choices and going to the doctor).

If you really love him, your children and YOURSELF, stand up and tell him how you feel calmly but with force. If he still doesn't even try to see your point if view, does he really keep his wedding vows to love/respect/cherish you?


Quoting mommy091011:

now see i have told him that conversation too. and i blame it on my doctor even sometimes just to see if he will do it outside he says to me " here ill open the window and turn on the fan ok?" then if i still complain he goes off on how good i have it. we have a house and our bills get paid and i dont have to work and our son gets everything he needs and he helps me with the chores like dishes and even folds the laundry and then goes off about no husband he knows does these things. so i mean hes rude in this aspect yes! i do have my reasons for loving him though. he is very ambtous and he even opened his own company and he is starting to do ok in it( i mean we are paying our bills off of it) and he does help me around the house, and during most other arguments he does fold pretty easily and he does defend me when his parents attack me or when his siblings attack me and he does do a lot around the house. its just this one thing really. other than this hes pretty much perfect (every wife seems to say this about there SO though lol so) so i guess thats why ts so confusing and thats why im torn on how angry i should really be on it.

Quoting annismom10:

YOU HAVE CANCER &HE WONT QUIT?!?! Do you hear yourself? My husband smokes outside & no I wont leave him over it but if I got cancer & he didnt?! I am blown away. That man does not respect you. I wont take my kid into a house if the owners smoke in it. I know my opinion isn't going to change your mind. But you seem nice. You deserve someone that will accomidate your illness.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)