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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

SO uncomfortable around baby daddy's parents!

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Whenever my baby's dad and I get into any sort of "fight", he runs to his "Mommy" and tells her, instead of talking it out with me first. She is extremely judgemental and says things to him about me to where he then has to stick up for me. (which he isnt very good at)

My mom is coming to visit for 17 days when I have the baby. She is staying at our place and I really dont want her to have to come to our apartment alone after hospital visiting hours. I think she will be uncomfortable. I know she'd do it if I wanted her to, but I am going to ask my Doctor if her AND my baby's dad can stay the night at the hospital with me. If she says no, I was going to just have my Mom stay and have BD go home for the night and come back the next day. Is that wrong of me? When I mentioned it to him, he seemed perfectly fine with it, then he talked to his Mom, told her, and she got all weird again and started judging me.

Every time he talks to her about me, he regrets it afterwards, but he still does it.

We are moving out of state in August to be closer to my family. He says his family plans to come visit us here as much as possible before we move, which i understand, but I'm going to be so uncomfortable. How do I deal with that? Any advice will be helpful!

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by on May. 6, 2012 at 7:41 AM
Replies (11-17):
AM-BRAT
by Amber on May. 6, 2012 at 12:42 PM
Ya. Just hang in there.


Quoting trebelcleff:

Just kill them with kindness and keep telling yourself that you won't be around them anymore in a couple of months!!!


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GirlWithANikon
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2012 at 12:47 PM

Hm, I think its off that you would want mom there over night instead of the father if you are in the relationship with the father. Thats your new family ya know, your old family will always be your blood but when you grow up and get an SO/DH and children thats your new family and you should want them all together. You should want the father spending the first few nights with his child who just came into this world. You can't get those first days/nights back ya know? Its an awesome feeling seeing that new baby sleeping and waking and taking care of it those first nights. Your mom is a grown woman, she will be fine alone. I woiuld think her staying and not him could come back to haunt you later in the relationship even if he agrees right now. Later or even during he may feel cheated, not important, ect.

He needs to grow the heck up and stop taking all his issues to mommy or if thats his BFF and he tells her everything, thats part of their closeness but he needs to tell her she must be respectful of you.

Being uncomfortable around them is something you kinda just have to get used to and get out of the way for your families sake. I can comprehend this situation, I've been in it. Feeling judged by people of importance SUCKS!!!! Eventually you get in the grove and it doesn't matter and either everyone learns to respect everyone for family's sake or you just politely work with each other when you have to and avoid unnecessary meet ups lol.

Sit down serious discussion time??? Good lucka nd congrats on your baby!!!

angelhart3
by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:35 PM

hugsGOOD LUCK!!!

ItsKodisMommy
by on May. 6, 2012 at 6:26 PM

lol this was funny to read because him and i were boyfriend/girlfriend for a while before and after i got pregnant. We were never friends with benefits. I also told him when we first started dating that I would be moving back to my family eventually and he agreed. It has been his choice as well. His Mother has no right to judge me no matter what. Don't be ridiculous.


Thanks to everyone else though for understanding! :)

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Tranla
by Elisabeth on May. 6, 2012 at 6:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Same here. We're going to have our daughter stay with my mom so my husband can stay in the hospital like he did with our first.

Quoting Mom2Just1:

It sounds like you need to have a conversation with your boyfriend and tell him it is not cool to run to his parents when you two fight.  As for the hospital...My husband always stays with me.  He would be upset if he couldn't.  He wants to bond with the baby as well. He also gets up through the night with the baby with me.

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nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 1:30 AM


Quoting ItsKodisMommy:

lol this was funny to read because him and i were boyfriend/girlfriend for a while before and after i got pregnant. We were never friends with benefits. I also told him when we first started dating that I would be moving back to my family eventually and he agreed. It has been his choice as well. His Mother has no right to judge me no matter what. Don't be ridiculous.


Thanks to everyone else though for understanding! :)

I never said it was not his choice. Of course it was his choice.

It was his choice, and yours, to have a child.

It was his choice to go with his child, and you, and move away from his mom. Just as it was your choice to move closer to your mom.

I also never said his mother had a right to "judge" you. Or even that she was, in fact, judging you at all.

I simply said that the FACT that both their son (who they are very close to), and their brand new (only?) grandchild, will be moving out of state, far away from them, for what could very well be forever, is HARD ON HIS PARENTS.

If you can not understand that, and work up, at the very least, the tiniest bit of compassion for them, then that my dear, is truly ridiculous.


BTW - If you and your boyfriend, were not friends, and had no "benefits", how/why did you manage to get pregnant?


ItsKodisMommy
by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:13 AM

I completely understand that us moving away will be hard on them. Which is why even though I am uncomfortable, I am willing to visit with them as much as possible before we move. I'd never keep our baby away from them. I was only asking for advice on how to deal with it. As for the whole friends with benefits thing, we were together, therefore we were not just friends. Do you always go around posting things that make you look like a jerk? Just curious.

I asked for advice, and you didnt exactly give me any. You told me to basically be in their shoes. Funny thing is, just because its hard on them that we are leaving, in my opinion, doesnt mean they should treat me how they do.

He sees his parents once a year and they live 2 1/2 hours away from us. They never visit him and he always has to visit them, so even when we move much further, he will be seeing them the same amount, because we plan to visit them every other year, and we're hoping they will visit us inbetween. It's a two way street.

I never meant for it to sound like I dont want them around. They are his parents, and if we work some things out like we plan, and get married some day, i have to deal no matter what lol. And I understand that. I just havent been in this situation before, so I was trying to figure out how to handle it.

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