Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Livid... help me figure out if I should say anything...

Posted by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:08 PM
  • 12 Replies

BFF had a baby 12 days ago. She had really bad anxiety/post partum with her first and ended up hospitalized. About a week ago, she called me in tears because her DH told her she would be a bad mom if she used formula to get one night's sleep (she wasn't sleeping well and starting to feel the depression coming in). I'M ALL for breastfeeding. I EBF my second, but mental health of the mom comes before that as long as child is safe. Anyway, I told her of course she wasn't a bad mom, talked to her for a while and got off the phone with her. Next day, she was really low. I told her DH to really see how she was... they ended up in the emergency room where she was admitted again for suicidal ideation from PPD. She's in the hospital until at least Tuesday. Today, I see photos on facebook that just anger me to no end... He took the baby to church to show her off... while my BFF is still in the hospital... AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW! He didn't clear it with her that he was going to take the baby to church. I feel it's important to include her on big moments like that ESPECIALLY with the PPD (I had PPP myself, so I know how much it hurts after the fact when you've missed out on important things because of your own mental health). She's never going to forgive herself. I'm so mad. How could he do that?! I'm going down to stay with them for a couple days next week when he goes back to work... I'm afraid I won't be able to hold my tongue once I'm there. What can/should I say to him?! She's going to call me Tuesday bawling her head off when she realizes she didn't get to take her daughter to church for the first time... AGH!

by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:08 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Mrs_Incredible
by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:31 PM

I should note, all three of us are friends and I lived with them for three years so her DH and I are friends. I'm just so mad at him right now!

081499
by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you should stay calm to help her be calm.  Will she be frustrated and sad that she's going through all this?  Sure.  But you getting mad at her DH isn't going to solve anything.  And what he does with their child is between them, not the three of you, no matter how much you care about them.  :)  Be calm.  Be loving and helpful.  Bring her baby during for feedings and help her feel like she's doing the right things and she'd doing a good job.  But don't let yourself focus on all the negative drama.

Mrs_Incredible
by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you. It's hard to keep a neutral perspective when I feel like he's lost his damned mind! LOL. I've not done anything except what you've stated below. I'm sure I won't say anything, but it was certainly helpful to vent here.

Quoting 081499:

I think you should stay calm to help her be calm.  Will she be frustrated and sad that she's going through all this?  Sure.  But you getting mad at her DH isn't going to solve anything.  And what he does with their child is between them, not the three of you, no matter how much you care about them.  :)  Be calm.  Be loving and helpful.  Bring her baby during for feedings and help her feel like she's doing the right things and she'd doing a good job.  But don't let yourself focus on all the negative drama.


A.J.s_mommy
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2012 at 3:49 PM
I think your involvement will make things worse. Just be there to listen to her, and keep your opinions about the husband to yourself.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
trulyblessed618
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2012 at 3:52 PM
I would stay out of it for now at least. No harm was done and if he is a good father the baby was in no danger even though mom might not of liked the idea. Your friend needs time to get back to herself so try to stay focused on the positive. If you want when she is busy talk to the husband about it but don't attack him.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bmack2107
by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:55 PM

I think if you say something to her DH, it will cause more stress with her. As for the formula thing... why doesn't she just pump and have DH feed him some nights? 

Mrs_Incredible
by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:57 PM

Her pumping capability is like mine, she can't hardly pump anything at all. She gets maybe a half ounce at a time, but when baby feeds at the breast she gets 3-4 ounces at a feeding (via hospital scale). Anyways, I knwo you ladies are right. It will just cause issues if I call him out on it. Thank you guys for letting me vent. I appreciate it. 

Quoting bmack2107:

I think if you say something to her DH, it will cause more stress with her. As for the formula thing... why doesn't she just pump and have DH feed him some nights? 


sreichelt26
by on May. 6, 2012 at 4:02 PM

That's a really hard place to be - I'd have a really hard time not saying anything, but it probably is best.

VisionSeeker
by on May. 6, 2012 at 4:15 PM
This. It'll be hard but you really don't need to be in the middle and if you rat him out you will be.

Quoting A.J.s_mommy:

I think your involvement will make things worse. Just be there to listen to her, and keep your opinions about the husband to yourself.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
5BMom
by on May. 6, 2012 at 4:39 PM
Back away. Its not your place. And frankly, he has every write to take HIS daughter to church and show her off.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)