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Help!

Posted by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:19 PM
  • 11 Replies

 So my aunt and uncle moved out of state to come live closer to me which I was all for. I told my aunt in the beginning I cant have any drugs etc in my house or around my kids seeing as how before I knew I was pregnant with my first I was using and cps is aware of this because I came clean right when I found out and its been 4 years and Im still clean yay me, but anywho back to the issue, I started cleaning up and found their meth pipe and Im hurt. Im hurt because I stressed the fact it cannot be in my house. I dont get check ups or anything but out of respect and just plane common sense it shouldnt be here. I havent said anything just yet but then this morning they totally got into it some what in front of my kids, yelling and getting physical (maybe due to coming down), which with my past relationship with my 2 oldest kids dad theyve seen enough fighting and didnt need to see it again. Im helping them to get a place and a job that way they can get clean because there is nothing where Im at and even if there was I wouldnt know who to go to which wouldnt happen regardless. I want to confront them both on it. I know they dont have any drugs on them (naturally bec i started snooping) but having the pipe is still the same. How should i approach this because they are all the way on the opposite side of the country from california so its not like I can just say hey get out go home. I want them to know I dont appriciate it but at the same time its like I want to help without being a parent to them. What should I do or how should i set this conversation up to where we can avoid arguments?

by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
k.allyse
by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I dealt with the same thing, my father in law brought drugs into my house (although he swore he wasn't using anymore). I kicked him out immediately, and didn't feel bad about it at all. You can only help someone who wants to be helped, if they can't respect you or your children then they do not need to be there. Honestly, I do not see any way to have the conversation without it resulting in an argument. The best thing you can do is be honest, tell them you are hurt and dissappointed, and if it happens again they will have to find somewhere else to live.

fairchildmama
by on May. 9, 2012 at 2:38 PM

 thats how I figured I'd go about it and see what happens. Yea and when my uncle comes down obviously it resulted in an argument over a cig. and I cant handle that right now since im so close to my due date. I figured Id wait inform my fiance and then the 4 of us sit down that way if it gets out of control he is there.

Quoting k.allyse:

I dealt with the same thing, my father in law brought drugs into my house (although he swore he wasn't using anymore). I kicked him out immediately, and didn't feel bad about it at all. You can only help someone who wants to be helped, if they can't respect you or your children then they do not need to be there. Honestly, I do not see any way to have the conversation without it resulting in an argument. The best thing you can do is be honest, tell them you are hurt and dissappointed, and if it happens again they will have to find somewhere else to live.

 

Coastiesgirl
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2012 at 2:43 PM
2 moms liked this
They would be out. Period. Family or not. My kids safety is more important.
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LuLuRex
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2012 at 4:31 PM

I totally agree!

Quoting Coastiesgirl:

They would be out. Period. Family or not. My kids safety is more important.


Armadillo79
by on May. 9, 2012 at 5:57 PM

Out now. Period. I would never, ever tolerate that and personally I would have never let them stay to begin with. You knew they were addicts because you told them no drugs in the house. Maybe I am missing something here, but it seems to me you knew they were and just said dont do it in the house. Did they say they were clean? I am sorry but there would be NO second chances, They can be homeless for all I care. You have kids. And congrats on being and staying clean!

fairchildmama
by on May. 9, 2012 at 9:00 PM

 i knew they had a problem but i was told they stopped because they were staying with my grandma and my grandpa would never allow that and he doesnt miss a thing. i let them stay here because im in ohio and they were in california and i figured if they really wanted to come out here and get their lives straight thats fine id be more then happy to let them, id like to see them do good and get cleaned up since they have no contacts to get anything out here anyways. if they get a place what they do there is their business but i would never let my kids stay there and becaue of this incident i have the kids with me all the time anyways just because i cant trust them to be responsible.

Quoting Armadillo79:

Out now. Period. I would never, ever tolerate that and personally I would have never let them stay to begin with. You knew they were addicts because you told them no drugs in the house. Maybe I am missing something here, but it seems to me you knew they were and just said dont do it in the house. Did they say they were clean? I am sorry but there would be NO second chances, They can be homeless for all I care. You have kids. And congrats on being and staying clean!

 

nverheyn2011
by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:00 PM

tell them you made it perfectly clear and if they can't abide in YOUR house by YOUR rules, then they can't stay there because you're doing the right thing for you and your family. It may sound mean, and it may sound rude, but again, it's YOUR house. Even if they don't have drugs on them, I agree, the pipe is the same. If you hadn't found it, and cps had come for a surprise check up (there's always bound to be at some point) and found it in your home, your kids woulda been gone. Even if you aren't using, it's the fact that you used to and the fact that it was present. be stern with them, family or not. Family will always understand in the long run.

GirlWithANikon
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2012 at 10:13 PM

I guess you can give them ONE warning if you really must and leyt them know they are about to be on the streets. But think about it, what if they hurt your kids dur to being high or coming down. I know meth too well and apparently you do too so don't dare say you know that wouldn't happen.


Good luck with this and hell yeah for being clean.

stepdiva
by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:27 PM
I won't tolerate it in my house. Don't be crusader rabbit here honey, you gotta take care of you and your kids. 4 years is pretty short time to be trying to rehab someone, much less 2 someones. They don't get second chances so tell them you know and the agreement was no drugs. They figured out how to get drugs, they'll figure out how to live elsewhere. Their drug abuse is none of your business. I'm hardass when it comes to substance abuse. I don't feel sorry for them, it is their choice to continue to use. By feeling sorry for them, you are enabling their behavior and choices. Remember how it was for you when you were out there?
And yeah, yay for you for being sober for 4 years! Congratulations. Good luck.
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Marranna777
by on May. 9, 2012 at 11:51 PM

yay for you for getting and staying clean :) and yes i would talk to them about it

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