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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

My sons father....

Posted by on May. 11, 2012 at 11:58 AM
  • 9 Replies

  I have a 4 year old son named Wyatt. Like all moms, this little boy has my entire heart. I was younger when I got pregnant & was with his father for 3 years prior. I need any advice that anyone could possibly tell me. When I got prgenant, his dad wasn't there to often and often lied to me. I didn't know if his dad would stick around and so I gave my son my last name. Honestly, I felt like his dad didn't deserve to have my sons last name (I know that sounds horrible, but theres a long story that made me feel this way). His father has turned into this utter nightmare and complete narcissist. Constantly bringing me down, blaming me for things, belittling me for no obvious reason. I am a responsible mom who takes full care of my son, it is was I love to do more than anything. He is with his dad 2 nights a week and most of the time, he just makes his parents watch him. It just frusterates me so much, I mean shouldn't I have a right to be with him if his dad isn't actually going to watch him? We have not been to court, I feel like I could lose him more if the court gives his dad more days. He is more like a playmate than a dad, he has no idea what it is actually like to take care of him. Every day is literally like torture from the thngs he says to me, it sucks the lfie out of me. After so long, I start to feel like maybe I am some horrible person. It is sometimes so hard to not let him get to me. Its constant battling. So, in the last coouple of months, his dad has started to torment me on changing my sons last name to his. Says he has every right and will get his name if we go to court. I do not want to change his last name, whatsoever. This boy is my life and I have done everything to raise him and for the last name to be taken away would kill me. I always asked him "Instead of just changing his last name, why don't you try to change both of ours?" (hoping that some day he might change, and  show that he truly wants to have a family). Obviously, that just fueled him more to go off on me. I have told him in every way that I do not want to change his name, but he will not take no for an answer. Any words would be helpful. I just have no idea what to do or how to stand up to him anymore. Anything I say is turned around and changed into some crazy concept that he can think of. One time he told me "Feelings aren't real and mean nothing", so he has no sympathy or feelings towards others. He knows everything about me, so he just pushes the knife a little further each time. Has anyone dealt with someone like this? Help!

by on May. 11, 2012 at 11:58 AM
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Replies (1-9):
SexyTeacher
by Gold Member on May. 11, 2012 at 12:40 PM

You could give him a hyphenated last name.

Christy644
by on May. 11, 2012 at 12:43 PM
is he on the birth certificate?
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Kem823
by on May. 11, 2012 at 12:49 PM
Yes he is. He signed the birth certificate with our son having my last name.
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amonkeymom
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 2:19 PM

Welcome.

Either way a name change will have to go through the courts.  You'll be able to state why you want his name to remain the same as it is now (your name) as opposed to changing it to his dad's name.

trebelcleff
by on May. 11, 2012 at 3:00 PM

What a pos.  He's the one that signed the birth certificate with YOUR last name as your child's last name.  He knew it was like that already.  The courts would probably just laugh at him over something they feel is so petty (even though I know it isn't petty to you).  I would see if there is a lawyer in your area who offers free consults.  They can probably give you answers about that as well as what might happen if you take him to court over visitation.  In the meantime, think of it this way: even if his dad never spends time with him and simply drops him off at the grandparents' house, at least the grandparents get to spend some time with him (assuming they are more civil than he is and know how to care for him of course).  Good luck!!!

kdsue
by on May. 11, 2012 at 4:49 PM

He's most likely just trying to piss you off.  I'm willing to bet that he hasn't looked into the court costs (even if he doesn't hire an attorney).  In my state, I think the filing fee alone for a name change is $320.  Only you can tell if he's THAT interested in doing so.  And since you're the custodial parent and he signed the birth certificate, essentially agreeing to the name 4 years ago, he'd have a tough time showing that the name change is in your son's best interest.

If I were you, I'd call his bluff.  Oh, and if he decides that he wants to take you to court for more visitation time or for custody, he'd have to pay a separate filing fee.  Name changes and custody/visitation cases are completely separate.  And that doesn't include the trouble of actually proving his case.  If he wants to dump his money down that hole, that's up to him.

Mommyof2114
by on May. 11, 2012 at 5:02 PM
Ugh he sounds a lot like my sons father. His mom even pays the CS yuck!
OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 5:06 PM

 You should really go to court and get a custody agreement in place.  I really don't see the court's forcing you to change your child's last name.  Document everything.  Try to talk through email so you have everything he says in writing.  If he has your child and his parents are the ones taking care of him, note it.  As for the dad telling you what you need to do, don't let him get to you.  He can't do a thing.  Ignore his threats.

SouthTxPrincess
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 10:42 PM
You need to set boundries *sp* when you talk to him tell him we can talk about child support and you visitation everything else is out of bounds. If your on the phone and he starts in say I'm sorry I'm not going to discuss this with you if he persists hang up. If your face to face give your warning then walk away close the door ect. Do not let him intimidate you document everything he says and does so if yall do go to court you have proof that these threats were made. I hope everything works out!
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