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How many children is TOO many children?.....

Posted by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:21 AM
  • 39 Replies

I have 2 children already. They are 21 months apart. I am 23 and my husband is 25. I am a SAHM and he owns his own business and is part owner of another one and he works day in and day out. My children will only see their dad maybe 1-3 hours a day and I might see him 3-6, if I stay up until 2-5 in the morning waiting on him to get home. He is a great provider and he loves his kids, but he does nothing to help me with them other than pay for everything. I really would like to have more children BUT I dont think I could knowing I would be stuck doing everything on my own with a 3rd kid! My daily life is already hard enough with 2 kids. Simple tasks like grocery shopping or just having to run in somewhere (cuz I will not leave my kids in the car even just for a second to get gas or a coffe or what not) trying to find a babysitter that will watch the both of them. My youngest is a TERROR CHILD! Literally!

SOOO... Long story short, women who are in the same or close to same situation I am, how do you do it? I am not a very patient person. I would love to have some more "me" time cuz I obviously get none now! Sometimes I get so frusterated and mad about the littlest things that I dont understand why I would even think about having another one. BUT I see other families with more children and the joys of big families, I am only 1 of 2 and I always wanted more siblings. I think about getting older and being a grandmother to a bunch of grandkids and having thanksgiving dinner cooked for them all and my (maybe) 4 children. Being able to do things as a family going to events and games.  I dont really have any friends my age that have children and live the same life I do so maybe that is my problem with feeling so isolated, it also may be that I am because I never spend time with my husband either. All in all, Im just trying to see if maybe other women feel the way I do and how they are able to deal with it all. How hard is it to have 3 kids? 4 kids? or even more? What are some things I should know in advance about having a 3rd child? What should I be prepared for?..

P.S. Thank you for taking the time to read this :) I get a little carried away off topic sometimes..

by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
snowangel1979
by Silver Member on May. 16, 2012 at 12:35 AM
1 mom liked this
I have 3 but they are all 7 years apart.
1,8 and 15
Your only 23 so you do have some time. LOL.
You could wait a little bit maybe untill they're in school and have another one or if you want them close in age like the first 2 you could have 2 more close together.

IDK just a thought. LOL.

The plus about having mine 7 years apart was I had a little me time threw kindergarten, and I was pregnant with both my last 2 when the next one older one was in first grade. Didn't really have to get a sitter for the doctor appointments. LOL. Unfortunately I had DS8 and DD right around spring break LOL. So no recoup time.
Dh works 80 hours and honestly I was surprised his boss gave him 3 days off when I had DD. (2 days of labor)

It will all fall into place. Good luck.
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Tranla
by Elisabeth on May. 16, 2012 at 12:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Personally, I wouldn't wouldn't be thinking about a third with no help. I do have my husband home every evening to help out and will get overwhelmed at times, and that's with my second not even born yet. I very well may decide two kids is enough. And I certainly wouldn't choose to go past 3 kids.
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MrsYoung13
by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:45 AM

 Thanks :) I definitely wasnt thinking about doing it now with my youngest only being 18 mnths old. I was thinking about maybe in another 2 years at least. Then if I was still thinking about having another one, I would wait another 2 years or so. I want to be done with having children no later than my 30th birthday. I am just trying to think of my future lol. I dont want to be 50-60 with a kid still living at home, ya know :) That must be nice tho having them 7 years apart. Your oldest can help out with the others. That would definitely be less hectic.

Quoting snowangel1979:

I have 3 but they are all 7 years apart.
1,8 and 15
Your only 23 so you do have some time. LOL.
You could wait a little bit maybe untill they're in school and have another one or if you want them close in age like the first 2 you could have 2 more close together.

IDK just a thought. LOL.

The plus about having mine 7 years apart was I had a little me time threw kindergarten, and I was pregnant with both my last 2 when the next one older one was in first grade. Didn't really have to get a sitter for the doctor appointments. LOL. Unfortunately I had DS8 and DD right around spring break LOL. So no recoup time.
Dh works 80 hours and honestly I was surprised his boss gave him 3 days off when I had DD. (2 days of labor)

It will all fall into place. Good luck.

 

rebeccasmly
by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:48 AM
1 mom liked this
I have 6 kids. They are all older now but when the older 5 were 5, 3, 3, 2 & 2, it was difficult. I had to make time for myself. Luckily DH's job had him home before dinner most nights. I would often go for a walk by myself after dinner just to collect myself. There is 5 years between the older ones and our youngest so that helped a lot. DH owns his own business now and can work crazy long hours. It would be difficult if our Kids were still young. If you want more, wait until the your children are school aged. It will be a bit easier because they'll be gone part of the day and more self sufficient. Good luck in whatever you decide!
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MrsYoung13
by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:50 AM

 Lol, yeah sometimes I think im going crazy thinking about having another one! And its not even about how cute they are or anything. I just love children and I love being a mom. And I would love to have a boy. I only have 2 girls so I feel like I would feel complete by giving my husband and myself that boy we always wanted. But then again IDK what I would do if I had another girl! LOL I would be in a Pshych Ward! And thats what Im scared of, we obviously cant choose the gender of our children so thats what makes me not want anymore. But then in an hour, it changes :) hahaha

Quoting Tranla:

Personally, I wouldn't wouldn't be thinking about a third with no help. I do have my husband home every evening to help out and will get overwhelmed at times, and that's with my second not even born yet. I very well may decide two kids is enough. And I certainly wouldn't choose to go past 3 kids.

 

MrsYoung13
by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:55 AM

 Thanks :) Thats kind of the age I was going for. I am still on this birth control for another 2 years so I would be getting off of it and start trying, my oldest would be 5 and my youngest would be 3 so Im thinking that would be a good age. And hopefully around that time my husband would be able to have someone work for him and just be able to work from home. High hopes :) lol

Quoting rebeccasmly:

I have 6 kids. They are all older now but when the older 5 were 5, 3, 3, 2 & 2, it was difficult. I had to make time for myself. Luckily DH's job had him home before dinner most nights. I would often go for a walk by myself after dinner just to collect myself. There is 5 years between the older ones and our youngest so that helped a lot. DH owns his own business now and can work crazy long hours. It would be difficult if our Kids were still young. If you want more, wait until the your children are school aged. It will be a bit easier because they'll be gone part of the day and more self sufficient. Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

tennisgal
by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:55 AM
3 moms liked this

Nothing anyone tells you is going to prepare you for a 3rd child. It's a whole new ballgame. Any woman can juggle a toddler and a newborn, but you add a preschool, toddler and newborn and it's a game changer. They outnumber you now. It's hard, but it's just as rewarding as ever. 

My DH is in school all morning and at work all night, so during the school year the boys see him as he runs in and out, then on the weekends they are like his little shadows. 

I have learned to be grateful for what I have, no matter how hard. If I have a sink full of dishes I am thankful that I had food to serve my family, if I have a pile of laundry, I thank the Lord we were able to buy those clothes for the boys, when the house is dirty I thank my DH for working so hard for our beautiful house, etc. 

MrsYoung13
by on May. 16, 2012 at 1:01 AM

 Wow! That actually helped me alot. I never really looked at it that way. I mean I have with one being in school and me having one at home. I actually am looking forward to that. One is so much easier for me to handle taking places. But all that you said towards the end about being thankful? That was really touching, I feel like I dont have time to sit back and be thankful for anything :/ As sad as that is to say, I say Im thankful but looking at it now its just a statement, ya know? So thank you for all that! I appreciate your response :)

Quoting tennisgal:

Nothing anyone tells you is going to prepare you for a 3rd child. It's a whole new ballgame. Any woman can juggle a toddler and a newborn, but you add a preschool, toddler and newborn and it's a game changer. They outnumber you now. It's hard, but it's just as rewarding as ever. 

My DH is in school all morning and at work all night, so during the school year the boys see him as he runs in and out, then on the weekends they are like his little shadows. 

I have learned to be grateful for what I have, no matter how hard. If I have a sink full of dishes I am thankful that I had food to serve my family, if I have a pile of laundry, I thank the Lord we were able to buy those clothes for the boys, when the house is dirty I thank my DH for working so hard for our beautiful house, etc. 

 

Tranla
by Elisabeth on May. 16, 2012 at 1:05 AM
1 mom liked this
We'd love to have a boy ourselves. If we go for a third, though, we're fully prepared for the possibility that we'll have all girls.

Quoting MrsYoung13:

 Lol, yeah sometimes I think im going crazy thinking about having another one! And its not even about how cute they are or anything. I just love children and I love being a mom. And I would love to have a boy. I only have 2 girls so I feel like I would feel complete by giving my husband and myself that boy we always wanted. But then again IDK what I would do if I had another girl! LOL I would be in a Pshych Ward! And thats what Im scared of, we obviously cant choose the gender of our children so thats what makes me not want anymore. But then in an hour, it changes :) hahaha


Quoting Tranla:

Personally, I wouldn't wouldn't be thinking about a third with no help. I do have my husband home every evening to help out and will get overwhelmed at times, and that's with my second not even born yet. I very well may decide two kids is enough. And I certainly wouldn't choose to go past 3 kids.

 

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tennisgal
by on May. 16, 2012 at 1:09 AM
1 mom liked this

You're welcome!

It is hard, no doubt about that, but I wouldn't send any of my boys back. I am a homeschooling Momma to three boys (6,4, and 3)  with another baby due in Nov so it is a challenge, but if you can change your expectations and give yourself grace, then you'll be fine. Please keep in mind, the time when they are little is very difficult b/c they need you CONSTANTLY, you are always disciplining and reminding them of the rules, but when they get a little older the dynamics change a bit. 

Quoting MrsYoung13:

 Wow! That actually helped me alot. I never really looked at it that way. I mean I have with one being in school and me having one at home. I actually am looking forward to that. One is so much easier for me to handle taking places. But all that you said towards the end about being thankful? That was really touching, I feel like I dont have time to sit back and be thankful for anything :/ As sad as that is to say, I say Im thankful but looking at it now its just a statement, ya know? So thank you for all that! I appreciate your response :)

Quoting tennisgal:

Nothing anyone tells you is going to prepare you for a 3rd child. It's a whole new ballgame. Any woman can juggle a toddler and a newborn, but you add a preschool, toddler and newborn and it's a game changer. They outnumber you now. It's hard, but it's just as rewarding as ever. 

My DH is in school all morning and at work all night, so during the school year the boys see him as he runs in and out, then on the weekends they are like his little shadows. 

I have learned to be grateful for what I have, no matter how hard. If I have a sink full of dishes I am thankful that I had food to serve my family, if I have a pile of laundry, I thank the Lord we were able to buy those clothes for the boys, when the house is dirty I thank my DH for working so hard for our beautiful house, etc. 

 


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