My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we have a 3 year old daughter. He is a very difficult person and I am about at my wits end. He is an only child and has never had any real responsibility outside of getting thrown into fatherhood (even though he is 28 years old) so I think this is the foundation of the problems.
He works during the day and the second he gets home he hits the computer and is on there until 2 or 3 in the morning. He gets off at about 8 to give Coen a bath. He won't cook dinner if I need a break, he won't clean anything, he won't do his own laundry. Any time I ask him to help me with something he says I'm trying to control him. He won't clean anything since "he didn't make the mess." I have stopped doing his laundry and there ended up being 4 huge piles of clothes all over my house and he would only wash what he needed so I just started doing it again because it was gross. I went out of town for 5 days and came back to a fruit fly infestation because he wouldn't rinse dishes or take out the trash. 4 months later and I am still battling these things. He sleeps till about 30 minutes before he has to be at work. On weekends he sleeps till 1 or 2 and then is on the computer all day. If i'm sick or something I still have to get up and take care of Coen while he sits on his computer.
I was a SAHM for a year and I didn't hassle him very much about things because I was home but now I am working full time (i'm actually working more than him but make about 2/3 what he does, he holds this against me also) and really need some help around the house. On top of working full time, and of course my kid, I am also in graduate school. I just can't seem to make him understand any of this. It's like he just doesn't care. Sometimes I think he acts this way to get me to leave. Sometimes it just blows my mind and I can't believe anyone could be so selfish.
This is just a brief summation of the issues. I feel like what we might need is a break and I am thinking about getting my own place for a few months. I don't want to break up with him. We have put too much time and effort into this but I can't get over this. To some it may seem petty but I don't feel cared for in the relationship and I can't live my life feeling that way. Gottman would call this my love language. I don't need flowers or jewelry or things like that. Any other suggestions on what to do are greatly appreciated.