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Is this nighttime separation anxiety or?

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 9:47 PM
  • 11 Replies


For the past week LO has been doing this new thing where she wakes up about 45 minutes after going to sleep for the night screaming, her dad cannot console her no matter what he does, I have to go in and rock her and if i put her down, she freaks out.

She started screaming like that when i would leave the room or out of her sight about a month ago, she acts as if i will never return, and i know that is normal SA but is what she is doing when she wakes up SA?

She sleep in the crib from 6-6:30 till about 11 pm then we cosleep.. (This is NOT a bedsharing debate, so please keep your opinions of bedsharing saftey to yourself, it is something I have heavily researched months and months and have gotten several doctors opinions on, and it works for us.) We have cosleeped since she was newborn, she sleeps all night long in the bed, but wakes very often in the crib.

Has your baby ever done this? is this a phase? I feel lost :( When does it end?


She is 7 months, 8 months old on the 17th

by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 9:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jun. 4, 2012 at 9:55 PM

At this age she is going through alot of changes.  Do you still feed her at night?  That could be part of her waking up at night.  Babies tend to want their mama when they wake up.

mommy2annaliese
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 9:57 PM

Yes, but she is EFF, she used to ONLY wake up to drink and she didn't mind who fed her. Now her dad can't seem to ever get her back to bed. She just screams until I come. :(

I feel bad for her more so than I do for my sanity, the poor thing is exhausted but can't go back to sleep.

Quoting frndlyfn:

At this age she is going through alot of changes.  Do you still feed her at night?  That could be part of her waking up at night.  Babies tend to want their mama when they wake up.


frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:00 PM

Hmmm Trying to think of soothing things that may help since everyone needs their sleep.  I wonder if he happened to use a shirt that has your scent on it to hold her at night if that would help.  We both know that daddies hold their babies different than mommies so not sure completely that the shirt would work or not.  Do you have a white noise , fan running or soft music playing for her?  This was about the age where dd needed "her" music to go to sleep.  She is 6 now and still asks for it.

mommy2annaliese
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:02 PM

Yes we do the music, I hold her a certian way, he tried but just doesn't cut it. I am the only person so far who can calm her.

I guess she just is really needing her mommy time now, hopefully its a phase, she pulls herself up on my legs during the day and trys to force me to pick her up, i carry her pretty much all day as it is, she went from being independant to very very clingy. If i turn the corner she cries as if its the last time she will ever see me, I have had to start taking her to the bathroom with me.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Hmmm Trying to think of soothing things that may help since everyone needs their sleep.  I wonder if he happened to use a shirt that has your scent on it to hold her at night if that would help.  We both know that daddies hold their babies different than mommies so not sure completely that the shirt would work or not.  Do you have a white noise , fan running or soft music playing for her?  This was about the age where dd needed "her" music to go to sleep.  She is 6 now and still asks for it.


frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:07 PM

Right now you are reinforcing any fears she has about you disappearing.  For dd I would have her stay in the living room while I went to the bathroom and the whole time just talking to her so she knew i was around but couldnt pick her up.  You will need to (at some time) teach her independence again.  Perhaps give her snacks while you run to the bathroom.  Those 2-3 minutes will not hurt her to cry so you can use the toilet in peace.  When she pulls on your legs gently remind her that you are doing something right now but she can gladly sit by you while you finish up.  Reward by an extra story at cuddle time.

Quoting mommy2annaliese:

Yes we do the music, I hold her a certian way, he tried but just doesn't cut it. I am the only person so far who can calm her.

I guess she just is really needing her mommy time now, hopefully its a phase, she pulls herself up on my legs during the day and trys to force me to pick her up, i carry her pretty much all day as it is, she went from being independant to very very clingy. If i turn the corner she cries as if its the last time she will ever see me, I have had to start taking her to the bathroom with me.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Hmmm Trying to think of soothing things that may help since everyone needs their sleep.  I wonder if he happened to use a shirt that has your scent on it to hold her at night if that would help.  We both know that daddies hold their babies different than mommies so not sure completely that the shirt would work or not.  Do you have a white noise , fan running or soft music playing for her?  This was about the age where dd needed "her" music to go to sleep.  She is 6 now and still asks for it.



SewingMamaLele
by Bronze Member on Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:41 PM
Just reading your title i guessed she was 7-8 mo old. This is VERY normal for the age. Its like the combo of SA, teething and growth spurt that just reek havok on their sleep.

Comfort her, put her back to sleep, bring her to your bed earlier... Whatever works. This WILL pass, you dont need to "teach" her independance... Just be there when she needs you to develop her security and she will blossom all on her own.
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mommy2annaliese
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:43 PM

I didn't know that! Thank you! I guess she needs to learn that momma will come back on her own. 

Quoting frndlyfn:

Right now you are reinforcing any fears she has about you disappearing.  For dd I would have her stay in the living room while I went to the bathroom and the whole time just talking to her so she knew i was around but couldnt pick her up.  You will need to (at some time) teach her independence again.  Perhaps give her snacks while you run to the bathroom.  Those 2-3 minutes will not hurt her to cry so you can use the toilet in peace.  When she pulls on your legs gently remind her that you are doing something right now but she can gladly sit by you while you finish up.  Reward by an extra story at cuddle time.

Quoting mommy2annaliese:

Yes we do the music, I hold her a certian way, he tried but just doesn't cut it. I am the only person so far who can calm her.

I guess she just is really needing her mommy time now, hopefully its a phase, she pulls herself up on my legs during the day and trys to force me to pick her up, i carry her pretty much all day as it is, she went from being independant to very very clingy. If i turn the corner she cries as if its the last time she will ever see me, I have had to start taking her to the bathroom with me.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Hmmm Trying to think of soothing things that may help since everyone needs their sleep.  I wonder if he happened to use a shirt that has your scent on it to hold her at night if that would help.  We both know that daddies hold their babies different than mommies so not sure completely that the shirt would work or not.  Do you have a white noise , fan running or soft music playing for her?  This was about the age where dd needed "her" music to go to sleep.  She is 6 now and still asks for it.




mommy2annaliese
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:44 PM

Thanks momma, she has no teeth but her gums are very white i think i can see the teeth pushing on them so yes I think its a combo!

Quoting SewingMamaLele:

Just reading your title i guessed she was 7-8 mo old. This is VERY normal for the age. Its like the combo of SA, teething and growth spurt that just reek havok on their sleep.

Comfort her, put her back to sleep, bring her to your bed earlier... Whatever works. This WILL pass, you dont need to "teach" her independance... Just be there when she needs you to develop her security and she will blossom all on her own.


LoreleiSieja
by Bronze Member on Jun. 5, 2012 at 11:13 AM

I recently read a psychology report on why infants scream at night and it made a lot of sense.  It went back to instinct, that back when we were cave dwellers - if you believe in evolution - an infant alone was a target.  The child would never be left alone, ever, or some wild thing would eat it.  So it is instinctual for infants and young children to be terrified when they wake up and find that they are all alone.

I don't know if I buy that or not, but it does seem to be very very normal for infants to go through this period. The cure takes time...

You need to stay with her when you put her to bed, and whenever she wakes up.  This takes a couple of months to get through, but it will teach her that you will always be there.

When she wakes up, go in and rub her back or pat her back, or touch her, and stay right there until she falls alseep.  It may take an hour!  And she may wake up again that night.  You have to stay there again until she falls alseep. After a couple of weeks, then when she wakes up, you go in and stay there, but do not touch her.  Then after a week or two when she wakes up, you go in and stay there, but stay about a foot away from her crib, until she falls asleep.  Continue moving slightly farther back each couple of nights.  Eventually, she will learn that you can be depended on.  You will be there, you will protect her and it is safe to sleep. She will go back to sleeping through the night.

Another thing you can try, is "baby wearing".  Carry her more during the day.  Let her feel closely bonded to you.  Do not carry her in those hard plastic baby chairs, but in a sling, right where she can feel your heart beat.  This close bonding is necessary for her to feel safe.

Good luck!

Lorelei


http://raisingcreativechildren.com/nail-biting/


LindaClement
by on Jun. 5, 2012 at 1:14 PM

Sounds like night terrors, to me.

There isn't really anything for it, except the gentle and loving way you're already handling it.

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