I am in a similar situation except I moved in with my grandparents. My grandma encouraged me to quit my job and go to school full time so I could finish sooner. I get child support so I use it to pay the difference of utilities and I buy all the grocerys, do all the cooking, cleaning, running to doctors appts, and picking up prescriptions for them. I ran back into my high school sweetheart and now we are planning to get married in october, and move in. What I had to do was sit them down and tell them how much I appreciated them letting me stay, but the time has come for me to go on my way. I need to branch out, give the kids new opportunities not to mention their own rooms for the first time ever lol.. At first they were upset mainly because they were used to us, then I got the guilt trip of a life time!! Man it sucked!! I still had to stick with it..I have since found other family members to start kicking in to help run errands and pick up prescriptions, ect.. it was a tough descision.. I think you are doing more than your share and its time for your space. They are grown and sounds like they are at an age where they are still capable of caring for themselves and finding jobs. It seems like you as well have become a bit of a caregiver and helping them out more than they are helping you. Tough love is hard. It would be selfish for them to want to keep you from moving on in a better direction in your life. You have to think of you and your son. It doesnt mean you dont love them it just means you need to move forward instead of being stuck.
Quoting auburnmamma1:I am in a similar situation except I moved in with my grandparents. My grandma encouraged me to quit my job and go to school full time so I could finish sooner. I get child support so I use it to pay the difference of utilities and I buy all the grocerys, do all the cooking, cleaning, running to doctors appts, and picking up prescriptions for them. I ran back into my high school sweetheart and now we are planning to get married in october, and move in. What I had to do was sit them down and tell them how much I appreciated them letting me stay, but the time has come for me to go on my way. I need to branch out, give the kids new opportunities not to mention their own rooms for the first time ever lol.. At first they were upset mainly because they were used to us, then I got the guilt trip of a life time!! Man it sucked!! I still had to stick with it..I have since found other family members to start kicking in to help run errands and pick up prescriptions, ect.. it was a tough descision.. I think you are doing more than your share and its time for your space. They are grown and sounds like they are at an age where they are still capable of caring for themselves and finding jobs. It seems like you as well have become a bit of a caregiver and helping them out more than they are helping you. Tough love is hard. It would be selfish for them to want to keep you from moving on in a better direction in your life. You have to think of you and your son. It doesnt mean you dont love them it just means you need to move forward instead of being stuck.
Quoting auburnmamma1:
I am in a similar situation except I moved in with my grandparents. My grandma encouraged me to quit my job and go to school full time so I could finish sooner. I get child support so I use it to pay the difference of utilities and I buy all the grocerys, do all the cooking, cleaning, running to doctors appts, and picking up prescriptions for them. I ran back into my high school sweetheart and now we are planning to get married in october, and move in. What I had to do was sit them down and tell them how much I appreciated them letting me stay, but the time has come for me to go on my way. I need to branch out, give the kids new opportunities not to mention their own rooms for the first time ever lol.. At first they were upset mainly because they were used to us, then I got the guilt trip of a life time!! Man it sucked!! I still had to stick with it..I have since found other family members to start kicking in to help run errands and pick up prescriptions, ect.. it was a tough descision.. I think you are doing more than your share and its time for your space. They are grown and sounds like they are at an age where they are still capable of caring for themselves and finding jobs. It seems like you as well have become a bit of a caregiver and helping them out more than they are helping you. Tough love is hard. It would be selfish for them to want to keep you from moving on in a better direction in your life. You have to think of you and your son. It doesnt mean you dont love them it just means you need to move forward instead of being stuck.
this is great advice...best of luck to you!! :)
this is the best advice your going to get !
Quoting auburnmamma1:
I am in a similar situation except I moved in with my grandparents. My grandma encouraged me to quit my job and go to school full time so I could finish sooner. I get child support so I use it to pay the difference of utilities and I buy all the grocerys, do all the cooking, cleaning, running to doctors appts, and picking up prescriptions for them. I ran back into my high school sweetheart and now we are planning to get married in october, and move in. What I had to do was sit them down and tell them how much I appreciated them letting me stay, but the time has come for me to go on my way. I need to branch out, give the kids new opportunities not to mention their own rooms for the first time ever lol.. At first they were upset mainly because they were used to us, then I got the guilt trip of a life time!! Man it sucked!! I still had to stick with it..I have since found other family members to start kicking in to help run errands and pick up prescriptions, ect.. it was a tough descision.. I think you are doing more than your share and its time for your space. They are grown and sounds like they are at an age where they are still capable of caring for themselves and finding jobs. It seems like you as well have become a bit of a caregiver and helping them out more than they are helping you. Tough love is hard. It would be selfish for them to want to keep you from moving on in a better direction in your life. You have to think of you and your son. It doesnt mean you dont love them it just means you need to move forward instead of being stuck.
Your mother is WRONG to charge you childcare. I babysat my granddaughter for free for four years... then I stopped only because she was able to get into a special free preschool program for low-income families. I helped to support my daughter for all four years. She was able to get a low-paying job, and go to school fulltime. Then we helped her buy her own house. Now, we are pretty much done helping her, although she is still driving a car we paid for, and I pay her phone bill. She has a special someone in her life, and he's helping to pick up the slack.
My children are NOT responsible for MY financial needs. I'm young yet - 54. My husband and I are perfectly capable of working, and managing on our own. Our children do NOT owe us anything. When we get old and feeble... maybe past our eighties, if we are that lucky, THEN our children may have a responsibility to see that we are taken care of.
Stop supporting your parents. You may need to move out. How does your bf feel about the situation? Does he suspect that when he marries you, he will be supporting his in-laws?
Your dad needs to get another job. Or he needs to go back to school. IF they cannot afford their house, then they can move into an apartment. If their house payments are too high, there are mortgage refinancing options available through the current administration to help people keep their homes.
You are an adult. You do not need people telling you what to do or what not to do, although since you live with your parents, they have a right to certain courtesies - like, being told where you're going and when you'll be home. If your mom is just upset about you not being there for dinner, talk with her about a communication board. Put a small dry-write board on the fridge, and leave all messages there - about where you will be eating dinner, or where you are going. Agree on a deadline. If she has already started dinner for you, and you suddenly leave, I can see how that would be frustrating - but not the end of the world. You could always have your share of the meal in left-overs the next day. If she hasn't even started cooking the meal yet, then she needs to lighten up. It sounds like she's getting very possessive.
In her defence... she could be starting or going through menopause. That causes all kinds of strange, emotional behavior. She might be feeling like she's not useful or needed any more, and babysitting your son fills a deep, emotional need. Or she might be afraid that this child she has lived with for four years, is going to move away and she'll rarely see him again.
Communicate with each other. But first, decide what YOU want, and what is best for you and your son. Talk with your boyfriend next, if you are sure that he is going to become part of your family. Then talk with your mom and dad. If you expect the talk to be stressful, arrange to have it somewhere else. Go out to a restaurant for dinner and talk there. They won't raise their voices or cause a scene, and everyone will be more respectful.
http://raisingcreativechildren.com/nail-biting/
This is such good advice. It will be better for all of you in the long run.
Quoting auburnmamma1:I am in a similar situation except I moved in with my grandparents. My grandma encouraged me to quit my job and go to school full time so I could finish sooner. I get child support so I use it to pay the difference of utilities and I buy all the grocerys, do all the cooking, cleaning, running to doctors appts, and picking up prescriptions for them. I ran back into my high school sweetheart and now we are planning to get married in october, and move in. What I had to do was sit them down and tell them how much I appreciated them letting me stay, but the time has come for me to go on my way. I need to branch out, give the kids new opportunities not to mention their own rooms for the first time ever lol.. At first they were upset mainly because they were used to us, then I got the guilt trip of a life time!! Man it sucked!! I still had to stick with it..I have since found other family members to start kicking in to help run errands and pick up prescriptions, ect.. it was a tough descision.. I think you are doing more than your share and its time for your space. They are grown and sounds like they are at an age where they are still capable of caring for themselves and finding jobs. It seems like you as well have become a bit of a caregiver and helping them out more than they are helping you. Tough love is hard. It would be selfish for them to want to keep you from moving on in a better direction in your life. You have to think of you and your son. It doesnt mean you dont love them it just means you need to move forward instead of being stuck.
I think you should tell her that you will help them in any way you can, but you are moving out and going to be with the man you love and will one day marry.
Question about an 11 year old
- MomOnMission05
on Jun. 7, 2012 at 10:40 PM