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hello my name is regina and i need help. lol

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 7:18 AM
  • 11 Replies
My 7 year old thinks I don't care about her anymore BC I don't allow her to sleep in my bed. And my 3 year old don't wanna sleep in her bed either. She screams all night. I feel like I cannot take it anymore. Its driving me nutz.
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 7:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ceciliam
by Cecilia on Jun. 11, 2012 at 9:44 AM

Aaaaawww, I'm sorry. My son will be 7 soon and he still wants to sleep in our bed. What I do now, is if he sleeps in his room all night during the week, then we have camp night on Saturday, as a treat.

Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this

That is so hard. Just keep putting them back in their own beds. Be consistant. If you keep doing it, they will learn to just stay in their own beds eventually.

Good luck.


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LindaClement
by Linda on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:56 AM

So, why are you making this choice that's making you nuts?

Your kids WILL grow out of wanting to sleep in your bed. For now, it helps them feel safe and loved. What's the rush to stop that?

LoreleiSieja
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:03 PM

This seems to be a more common problem today than it was a generation ago. But the issue for both your children is the same.  They have not learned how to "self soothe" so that they can fall asleep on their own.  Most children learn how to do this easily - but today, more and more children need to be "taught" this.  I don't know what the cause is - but symtoms of this are: did your baby often wake up crying in the night, and wouldn't go back to sleep until you came into the room?  Did you have to rock your babies, or put them to bed with a bottle? 

When a child doesn't know how to fall asleep on their own, then they can lay in their bed for hours and hours and the dark becomes scary.  Shadows form on the walls.  The house creaks ominously.  Maybe they even fall into a light sleep out of sheer exhaustion, but have nightmares.  But once they are in YOUR bed, they are soothed just by your presence and they fall fast asleep.

However, there is a treatment.  It is very very hard on YOU for about two months,a nd then it is over.  It is called "Sleep training".  You take about two months training them how to self soothe.  They have to learn how to quiet their minds and bodies so that sleep came happen.  THen, when they know how to do this, if they awake in the night, they will be able to just roll over and go back to sleep.

Someone wrote a book on this method, but here it is in a nutshell:

Day one: you have a regular day that has plenty of activity OUTSIDE so they can be sleepy at bedtime.  Video games and indoor play do not count.  They do not help the body to use the large muscles.  CHildren need to be exposed to sunlight, so their natural circadian rhythms can know "Day" and "Night".  You have supper, bedtime routines, and then, put them to bed.  It is hard since you have TWO children, so I don't know if you can do them both at the same time.  Can you put them in the same room?  That would help.  But with the younger child, you set right next to her crib and put your hand on her back.  You are NOT holding her in bed.  You are touching her, soothing her with your presence that you are there and she is safe.  Do not talk.  Do not get impatient.  Do not give more water.  Just relax.  You're going to be there a while- maybe even anhour. But she will fall asleep.

Day 2 - 14.  Continue. 

Next: when your child is falling asleep within 15- 20 minutes, you have mastered step one.  Now, you sit right next to her crib, but do not touch her.  You still calm her with her presense. That is all you do when she sleeps in your bed and it works there.  It can work here, too.  Continue this step until she falls asleep within 15 - 20 minutes, which is the goal for every step. 

Next: move your chair a foot away from the bed, and repeat.

Next: move your chair two feet away from the bed, and repeat...

Continue moving your chair farther away every night until you are sitting in the hallway.  You have then completed sleep training.

If your child awakes DURING the night during any step, you have to repeat the same thing then, as well.  So for 2 months, you don't get much sleep.But then, you should not have this problem again.

As for the older child, either delay sleep training, or put in the same bedroom as the younger one.  The older one shouldn't need you to actuall touch him, so maybe it can work just with you being in the room with him.

Finally, there are other things you can try to soothe the older child.  There is the Monster Spray technique, if he is afraid of monsters under the bed.  You can try different night lights.  SOme children are calmed when the family dog sleeps by his bed.  Some children can be calmed with a fish tank in the bedroom.  The bubbling water and soft light are very soothing.

Good luck!


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amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 1:15 PM

Hi Regina,

When my oldest was about 7, he still wanted to crawl into my bed when he'd have nightmares.  I started having him bring a sleeping bag and lay on the floor next to my bed instead and eventually he just stayed in his own bed because it was more comfortable.

BaileynMe
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 1:39 PM
This is what we do with our 4 yo dd. There's a blanket and pillow at the foot of our bed that she uses if she has a rough night. We have a 6 week old DS who sleeps in a bassinet in or room, so sometimes she just feels left out.

I always lay her down in her bed at the beginning of the night, and I tell her I want her to stay in her bed because she will sleep better there. We've gotten to the point that she stays in her bed 6 nights out of 7, it's just been a slow process because she doesn't transition well. We've been working on it since I first found out I was pregnant, so almost exactly 9 months now, lol.


Quoting amonkeymom:

Hi Regina,

When my oldest was about 7, he still wanted to crawl into my bed when he'd have nightmares.  I started having him bring a sleeping bag and lay on the floor next to my bed instead and eventually he just stayed in his own bed because it was more comfortable.


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bamababe1975
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2012 at 1:36 PM

 I agree. It's tough for a while, but eventually it will work. And spend more time and affection on your 7yo during the day to help her see that you loving her has nothing to do with the bed shift.

Quoting Reina13:

That is so hard. Just keep putting them back in their own beds. Be consistant. If you keep doing it, they will learn to just stay in their own beds eventually.

Good luck.

 

reginreed
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 1:15 PM
Well I have been asking myself the same question. But I know it is time for her to learn to sleep in her own bed. BC if my husband an I wanna cuddle it almost impossible or have sex it impossible unless we go to another room. It starts being g a problem when it is putting a damper on our relationship. Another is she has friends to come stay all night and she will not even stay I'm the room with them they get upset and start to cry and wanna go home. Or they want to come in our room as well. Its a terrible hassle. We have given her the security she needs for seven years in our bed and its not enough. I breast fed her and she played with my hair. The whole time and still plays with my hair to fall asleep. She is not o ly clinging to our bed she is also click gym about everything. In every situation. If we r at a park and no friend to go with her just me and her she will hang on to my shirt for dear life. LOL. I just feel like if she can see that she will be OK in her bed and don't news me for this hurdle then she will see everything different ly. I could be wrong. But I have told myself y take away her comfort.? But the thing is I feel if I don't she will never mature. I have had to hold her back in first grade BC she doesn't like to do work on her own. We need to get through this one hurdle at a time. I feel the first step is her sleeping g in her bed alone will make her see she can do many other things on her own. And feel so proud. Thank you for your comment I do definitely understand your question.
iamcafemom83
by Mariah on Jun. 14, 2012 at 3:51 PM
My dd is 4, and for awhile we were having an issue with her creeping into bed. It is just not possible to get a good nights sleep with her in the bed, it's uncomfortable. I had a talk with her as I was tucking her in one night. A heart to heart. We talked about what it means to be a big girl. Part of that was staying in her bed--ALL night. To my astonishment, it worked and continues to work. She is so proud in the morning and says I stayed in my room! Btw, she has slept in her bed since infancy, but this night walking had just come to a peak. We still have morning time snuggles. But, the bed sharing is just not for us. Maybe a similar talk might work for you. Good luck.
25beengoodtome
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 5:25 PM

 Hi regina, I', Marie, here's what worked for my 2 sons and granddaughter:

 

 have you tried  allowing her to camp out on the floor while watching TV or videos with you at night?  Does she have any stuffed animals, or dolls?

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