New here, and need some advice...sigh

If you can, couseling for you and him (or at least for you).  Other than that, I would try to initiate sex 4 or 5 times a week, make sure you touch him (I mean in a non sexual way) and flirt with him, say thank you when he helps (even if it's his responsibility anyway-it's nice to be appreciated), and I would try to do different nice things for him.  The idea would be that he would eventually reciprocate and communicate better.  I know it sounds like you would be doing all the work, but this is what I'd be doing if I wanted to keep my marriage.  I don't know.  It would be hard because I'd keep hearing that settling comment in my head, but I don't know that I'd want to end my marriage because of it either.  And of course, this all depends on whether the two of you will both work on it together because, unfortunately, one person can't make a marriage work.  Good luck.

  I'd try some couples counseling.

 I definitely think couples counseling could really help you out.

The other responses were nicer than what I would have said. If he is not trying to take initiative in resolving your issues in a positive way that shows commitment to the marriage and is actively scoping out new prospects while married to you, that is not a good sign. It is not just dissatisfaction with frequency of sex. It is a character issue.

I would as the others have said get him to couples counseling. But I also would start protecting yourself and preparing yourself in case you end up divorcing. Don't panic, but older women will tell you that the biggest mistakes they have made involved not protecting their assets and their ability to support themselves and their children well. If you don't have a good job, get training now so you can. Keep your resume up to date, and start working up a good reference list. Start networking and her your appearance and wardrobe in shape for job hunting. Put money into your retirement plan so its equal to his and then keep some cash with your parents or some other entirely trustworthy place where you can get to it fast and he can't. You don't want him to be able to clear your accounts or leave you penniless and without an income. So a good job and six months living expenses and a very dependable car are essential. At least have the job and the car and a months income if you can stay with a friend or relative for a while. But attorneys are expensive so don't be in a position where you have to settle.

I am not saying to not try to save your marriage. But if he is looking to replace you and has done nothing positive to resolve issues, you are at risk of divorce. The more powerful your position, the less likely he will be to treat you like a replaceable model. After all, is he taking you out on romantic dates or otherwise trying to get you interested in romance, or does he just expect you to "put out" like an employee? Make it easy for him to seduce you and make him want to, but don't sleep with him out family of fear. If you have to force yourself for a while to give yourself time to strengthen your position, that is your choice.

I am sorry if my answer disappoints anyone. But, older women tend to have less patience with bad behavior. We have learned that it is not worth it and our constant pleasing leaves us empty handed. Men respect you more the more power you have over your own fate, and they are more attracted to a woman which has her stuff together. I would just remain calm, get to a counselor even if he wont go, try to save your marriage but no matter what save yourself, even if only for your son's sake. Child support is never enough and you will have a harder time progressing bocatiinally if you are a single mom so get positioned now.

Anyone who would tell someone else that he settled in marrying you doesn't deserve you. Just don't let him know about your backup plan. Don't lie but don't let on either. Take away his power to control you before it comes to that.

The other responses were nicer than what I would have said. If he is not trying to take initiative in resolving your issues in a positive way that shows commitment to the marriage and is actively scoping out new prospects while married to you, that is not a good sign. It is not just dissatisfaction with frequency of sex. It is a character issue.

I would as the others have said get him to couples counseling. But I also would start protecting yourself and preparing yourself in case you end up divorcing. Don't panic, but older women will tell you that the biggest mistakes they have made involved not protecting their assets and their ability to support themselves and their children well. If you don't have a good job, get training now so you can. Keep your resume up to date, and start working up a good reference list. Start networking and her your appearance and wardrobe in shape for job hunting. Put money into your retirement plan so its equal to his and then keep some cash with your parents or some other entirely trustworthy place where you can get to it fast and he can't. You don't want him to be able to clear your accounts or leave you penniless and without an income. So a good job and six months living expenses and a very dependable car are essential. At least have the job and the car and a months income if you can stay with a friend or relative for a while. But attorneys are expensive so don't be in a position where you have to settle.

I am not saying to not try to save your marriage. But if he is looking to replace you and has done nothing positive to resolve issues, you are at risk of divorce. The more powerful your position, the less likely he will be to treat you like a replaceable model. After all, is he taking you out on romantic dates or otherwise trying to get you interested in romance, or does he just expect you to "put out" like an employee? Make it easy for him to seduce you and make him want to, but don't sleep with him out family of fear. If you have to force yourself for a while to give yourself time to strengthen your position, that is your choice.

I am sorry if my answer disappoints anyone. But, older women tend to have less patience with bad behavior. We have learned that it is not worth it and our constant pleasing leaves us empty handed. Men respect you more the more power you have over your own fate, and they are more attracted to a woman which has her stuff together. I would just remain calm, get to a counselor even if he wont go, try to save your marriage but no matter what save yourself, even if only for your son's sake. Child support is never enough and you will have a harder time progressing bocatiinally if you are a single mom so get positioned now.

Anyone who would tell someone else that he settled in marrying you doesn't deserve you. Just don't let him know about your backup plan. Don't lie but don't let on either. Take away his power to control you before it comes to that.

I would be moving on. I don't think I could be with someone who felt that they "settled". I would want to be someone's one true love. If he's talking to others about you not "putting out" then he's not happy with what your relationship is and that's a warning sign that he's looking to move on in one form or other. Sorry mama, I do hope it gets better for you. :/

Thanks ladies. Yeah, I'm not sure what to do here. We fight alot and I'm having a hard time getting that out of my head. He suggested marriage counseling but I've been looking into other places just in case.

Welcome to the group, I would suggest getting some counceling.

 Yep, I agree with this...

Quoting JustShawna:

I would be moving on. I don't think I could be with someone who felt that they "settled". I would want to be someone's one true love. If he's talking to others about you not "putting out" then he's not happy with what your relationship is and that's a warning sign that he's looking to move on in one form or other. Sorry mama, I do hope it gets better for you. :/

 

That would make me vomit. He is despicable.

I'd pack my shit and leave. That is so disrespectful, beyond words.