Should I break my Sons heart in order to do what's best for him?
So my DS is 8, has Autism ADHD and a variety of behavioral issues. He is the type of child who I have to monitor constantly what he is exposed to. He loves reactions and feeds on them, so when there is questionable things being said and done around him I panic at the possibility of him putting his own spin on inappropriate things and going for gold with them. Most of the time he's pretty funny and it's hard not to laugh, but then there's other times I'm like wtf?
Anyhow, his father and I are not married, never were, and we've been friends for over 15 years (we just made an oopsy baby), but managed to stay friends with each other for DS sake. He adores his dad. Why I don't know, but he does. The problem with that is his dad is a drug addict, a liar, a thief, and pretty much a piece of trash. Like the kind of trash we all love to make fun of and pray our kids don't turn out like. But, he's his dad and having been a child of a split home, I swore that, as long as hes clean for his visits, I would continue to keep their relationship going. Every child needs to know their dad. I am not the one who would deny my kid that.
Dad was doing good for a while, had been sober for almost 2 years, his new wife turned out to be pretty cool and my DS gained a brother and a sister. life was good for him. I knew that DS was getting exposed to foul language and a lifestyle that I wouldn't choose for him, but I kept telling myself that everyone needs a trashy side, and as long as dad was sober for his visits, DS would grow up one day and figure out his dad is a loser and choose to cut ties (yeah right, wishful thinking I know) visits are few and far, and carefully planned out by his step mom and I. If it weren't for her, he'd never see his dad, she wears the pants and that's good, cause hes a moron
That was untill I was asked by my 8 year old if I was gonna "smoke a bowl" after I got off of work. WTF? We found out about a month ago Dad has relapsed (for the 100th time) bad, (crack and coke) lost his wife, kids, job, everything he was working on. It's a shame and and I pray for him. He managed to get his wife not to leave buy attempting suicide and sucking her in further (poor girl).
Am I wrong for taking the enough is enough attitude. and finally cutting all ties with this loser? This man is a drug addict, an abuser, and a low life who obviously can't get it together. DS asks all the time to see his dad like he used to but I can't in good conscience tell him the truth... yet. He is simply to young to understand. So I've been changing the subject and distracting him. Help!?!?! How do I play this hand with out killing off a potential relationship between them in the future?