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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

My fiance's family is pressuring me to get pregnant, what should I do?

    My fiance and I have not even been together for a whole year and weren't planning on getting married till next year. We want children( I already have a son from a previous relationship) but don't feel that the time is right. Besides us not being married yet, we're not in a position to raise another child. Both of us are stuggling to gain our financial footing and aren't even living together yet.

   Here comes the kicker... We've been getting pressured lately by his mother and grandmother to get pregnant. His grandmother is in poor health and wishes to see a grandchild from her only grandson/ oldest grandchild. Im currently on the Implanon bith control and his mother said to me, " I have a pocket knife, we could fix that real quick". I know she ment it jokingly but really? We have been planning to start trying for a child after my birthcontrol expires which also happens to coincide with our wedding date but Nannaw's not sure she'll make it that long, she's 85. I'd love nothing more than to make her wish come true but I just don't feel ready for another child yet. What should I do? I also don't want to hurt her feelings, she's very emotionally sensitive...

by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:55 AM
Replies (11-20):
SingleMomzRock
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 9:47 AM
If you and your fiancé haven't even been together for a year, that's highly irresponsible of his family. :-/

I agree with a PP. Tell them y'all are working on it.
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dorkish_face
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 9:48 AM
Haha. Your sn and this post. LMAO
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bbmkfo03
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 9:51 AM
2 moms liked this

 My Grandma was the same way even before I got married (I didn't get married until I was almost 30) and she was saying get married already I don't know how much longer I'll be here. Well, she's now 102 years old and has 3 Great-Grandchildren and another on the way. You need to do what's right for you & your family. I'd talk to your DF and tell him how much this bothers you and that HE should tell them to back off! Or scare them off by saying "if you keep bringing this up I'm not going to want any more kids, I'll get my tubes tied". Maybe that will shut them up. Good luck!

Bieg9093
by Bronze Member on Jun. 21, 2012 at 10:02 AM
2 moms liked this

 You will probably have to deal with this family, with or without Granny, for a good part of your life.  Best to let them know right from the start that you aren't a doormat.  Don't be shy about letting them know jokes like that aren't funny and that there are certain issues about which their opinion doesn't count.  Be polite but firm.  Smile often, but stop smiling when they cross the line.  Good Luck!

ETA  One of my favorite things to say to people is "Okay, you need to stop now." and then I pleasantly change the subject.  If they continue to push, I leave.

marisab
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 10:05 AM
2 moms liked this

just explain that you want kids and that it well happen naturally when god wants it to happen

NiekaC
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 10:10 AM

Its not rude to say right now isnt a good time. but as soon as ur ready u will & shell be the first to know. dont let anyone giult u into having a baby, In the end u will be the one carrying this baby. not anyone else, so stay strong & politly say, right now isnt a good time,

katiebeth1821
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:11 PM
1 mom liked this

don't give in. I know its hard but if it doesn't fit it doesn't fit. You don't want to put pressure on your relationship. I think your plan is a good one and that joke is so not funny. I dont know i would say that it just to much to get that taken out of you and think its better to wait for it to expire.

This is hard and i have to say good luck. I wish i had better advice but all i can really tell you do whats best for your little family not for whats best for other people. Plus she should get to know and spend time with the grandchild she has which is your child from another father. She needs to learn to accept your son I think once she does that it should be good enough for her

fairchildmama
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 i would just simply tell nannaw you understand she wants a grandbaby but to be positive and tell her she isnt going anywhere until you have a ds or dd so not to worry about not seeing him/her. (might lighten up the mood) your both not ready just yet and that your not trying to be mean but you would rather just wait a little longer.

has your fiance said anything to them about it? maybe you should both sit down with his mom then decide how to handle nannaw, that could work too. my and my fiance just had our ds and after a month mamaw is already wanting me to get pregnant again so she can have a grand daughter but i told her flat out to bad your waiting im getting a 5 year protection plan and im sorry, heck i even told that to my fiance. i have 2 from a previous relationship and dont want anymore stepping stones lol

BaileynMe
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:37 PM
This. You're the one who has to decide the time is right for your family. If you're feeling that much pressure, ask your fiancé to speak with them and back off a bit.


Quoting NiekaC:

Its not rude to say right now isnt a good time. but as soon as ur ready u will & shell be the first to know. dont let anyone giult u into having a baby, In the end u will be the one carrying this baby. not anyone else, so stay strong & politly say, right now isnt a good time,


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katiebeth1821
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 2:40 PM

I know how you feel alot of pressure from my family i had two kids of my own with my boyfriend we have 2 kids together. His mom wanted me to abort my first and when i said no she asked her son to leave me pregnant and go live in tahoe with her. Luckly for me he stuck around and we have been together 8 years but now the purssure is for us to get married.

Everyone one has opion on how it should be but my kids dd and i are doing whats best for us for our little family

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