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Family reunion with pedophile...

Posted by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 3:05 AM
  • 11 Replies
So my dad recently took me to the small town where I was born, which was pretty cool as I hadn't been there in 30+ years....until he pointed out the "family member" who had molested my little sister was there also. I avoided him at ALL costs, even when my dad stopped to talk to an Aunt and Uncle who happened to be with the man. Then two days later I drove three hours to a family reunion (my first for this side of the family in 30 years) only to find out this man was there as well!! Again, I avoided him...spending most of my time in my tent or right next to my daughters never letting them out of my sight!!!

It's been 30 years since it happened and just as long since I've seen him...and yet, I was the one who felt as though I had no business being there! What I just can't se to process is how everyone keeps telling me "oh, it's been so long...you need to find forgiveness and let it go!" and how they treat him as though NOTHING HAPPENED! I witnessed my sisters abuse second hand...I heard her crying thru the bathroom door, saw the fear when he would come over to babysit, watch her wretch and gag after he had forced her to put his c$&k in her mouth and hide from him in our bedroom closet under piles of blankets in 100 degree weather!!! I was 5 and couldn't protect her then...I am so freaking angry right now at the people that call themselves my family...WTF???
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by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 3:05 AM
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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jun. 24, 2012 at 3:26 AM

Has he ever been prosecuted?  There is a family member in my guy's family that is a known molester and has been to prison for it and just these past few years she has been FINALLY banned from going to the park and fairgrounds.  She has shown no signs of rehabilitation and others have restraining orders against her.  There is such a different feeling that we, as the parents, do not have to keep as eagle eye on the children as we used to when she would attend the reunion.

      I feel bad that you werent able to enjoy the other family members due to the bad one attending.

Anjlmom32
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 3:47 AM
Oh, I still made sure to try to enjoy myself! I wasn't going to let him ruin my day. It was just the feeling of...how do I explain it...it's as if everyone secretly looked at me as though I was just some drama queen, like they were waiting for me to start trouble. I dom't know how to explain it.

To answer your question... He couldn't be prosecuted. He was a minor when it happened and in the 80's, minors were still treated as minors...even if his 18th birthday was only a few months away! He got 6 months at an out-patient facility from what I understand! But I never really looked into the details either. That's just what I've been told.

I think the reason it bothers me is because after my sister and I went back to our mother, we didn't hear a single word from our father or anyone on his side if the family for...30+ years, and now I find out this man has been actively involved with the family and is treated with the "love and kindness" that my sister and I were denied!
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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jun. 24, 2012 at 3:55 AM


Quoting Anjlmom32:

Oh, I still made sure to try to enjoy myself! I wasn't going to let him ruin my day. It was just the feeling of...how do I explain it...it's as if everyone secretly looked at me as though I was just some drama queen, like they were waiting for me to start trouble. I dom't know how to explain it.

To answer your question... He couldn't be prosecuted. He was a minor when it happened and in the 80's, minors were still treated as minors...even if his 18th birthday was only a few months away! He got 6 months at an out-patient facility from what I understand! But I never really looked into the details either. That's just what I've been told.

I think the reason it bothers me is because after my sister and I went back to our mother, we didn't hear a single word from our father or anyone on his side if the family for...30+ years, and now I find out this man has been actively involved with the family and is treated with the "love and kindness" that my sister and I were denied!

Oh I know that feeling of being watched very well.   It is sad that the family just brushed it under the rug while outcasting the victims.  As you said it was a different time then so the abusers were usually treated better than the victims.  Hopefully you and sister were able to get some type of therapy to work through the feelings when you were children.   Heres to hoping he is gone next year.

Anjlmom32
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 4:02 AM
Nope...mom was single, on FS and worked as a cocktail waitress to pay rent! Couldn't afford no damn therapist! I got some therapy as I got older, but my sister didn't. She was afraid the state would take away her "medicinal marijuana" card! Last I heard...she has sex for money. She thinks that's all she's good for, yet is in complete denial that she needs professional help! I think I hate this man more than she does!! But thank you. I din't mean to sound so harsh...really trying to filter my feelings right now!!!
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SWasson
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 7:31 AM
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That is f^@%ed up that your family would allow him to come to the reunion at all.

Tea4Tas
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 7:37 AM
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You know , you are 35 now.  You can make your own family and your own friends and associate with whomever you choose.  If this bothers you-leave when you see him. You don't have to forgive and forget anything you choose not to.

Maybe it's my inner bitch, but if it were me, I would graphically describe what he did with your sister (and how old she was) and ask them how you are expected to forget that!  Maybe they will figure it out then.

ac10
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 7:51 AM
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I know how you feel. I have a family member(24) that I grew up with that slept with a younger cousin (12, at the time) of our's and everyone blamed her. And didn't get why I was so angry.

We have a right to distrust pedophiles. To trust them risks too much.

Anjlmom32
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 10:28 PM
Unfortunately, the reunion was planned around HIS mothers funeral...Therefore I felt it would be inappropriate to say anything among the other grieving family members...


Quoting SWasson:

That is f^@%ed up that your family would allow him to come to the reunion at all.


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Jeni1124
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 11:16 PM
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This kind of BS is why I have no contact with my birthfather or his family.

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Jun. 25, 2012 at 9:12 AM
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Yeah, similar situation here (not as severe though), but I can't express my concern or feelings because my family doesn't feel the same. Just protect your babies.
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