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New to pregnancy.. Alone and confused?

Posted by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 4:26 AM
  • 23 Replies
1 mom liked this
I'm new to this.. And as I type this I can't control my feelings anymore and talking with my mom seems like it doesn't help. Which is odd seeing as my mom was my best friend until I told her I am pregnant. I guess there really is a limit on how close you can get with your mom. At this point, i have never felt so alone, never felt like The biggest disappointment and disgrace ever.. I'm 19 going to school in the day and working at night. I know what tired is and I know when I have this baby I'll be exhausted.. Drained. I was on the pill but i missed a few and had to start a new pack but instead i got pregnant. I have had an abortion before and it was to hide the shame.. To try and continue to make my mom proud and that's the only way I thought would work. And it was to avoid what's happening now with my mom.. The avoiding.. Everytime she sees me she shakes her head.. And tells me that my goals in the future are dead, that I can never have a good life anymore. And everyday I can't help but cry.. Which I'm sure isn't good for the baby but I can't help it. To put on top of that I have a very rich and educated family on my moms side that would be devastated.. And I can't help but think of getting another abortion.. But I can't bring myself to doing it anymore. I think the only thing holding me together is my boyfriend who happens to be in the navy.. I know he can be a big help especially when we marry. And he supports me 100% but the support I crave is my own mothers.. I don't know what to do.. Waiting it out makes me just want to end my life or the baby's. Even with my boyfriends support he doesn't understand what I'm feeling. I blame no one but myself, but I have talked to my mom a couple of times.. And each time she has ignored me or mocked me.. She said she'd always be there for me..

So anyone with any advice.. Please help me.. I feel so alone..
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 4:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Salsacookies
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 4:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Life is not over when you get pregnant. You can still do anything that you want to do. I'm getting ready to have twin boys and I already have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I'm 26. 2nd baby was not planned...twins definitely wasn't planned, but we'll be ok. I am nearly done with my degree and I will be returning to school after the boys are born. There are tons of supportive girls on here that can offer advice as well.

Jenn8604
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2012 at 4:36 AM
Let me be blunt. Your moms a bitch! My mom helped me out. I continued in college and worked midnights and went to school full time. Surround urself with those who are positive. Your gonna do just fine.You will be a great mom. Your bf and u will havr a beautiful baby. I know u want ur moms approval and thats the hard part. But if she lies saying shed always be there and makes u feel like a disgrace u dont need the neagativity in urs and the babys life. tell her straight up how u feel. and then step back and let her decide if she wants to be part of ur life. if not move on. allow urself a lil time to grieve but focus on the baby ur job and school. u can do it. i wish u luck and pray she will change her mind and get an attitude adjustment.
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hollydaze1974
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 6:03 AM
When she sees her grandchild, it is quite likely she will embrace it all and be no just supportive, but actually helpful. And your life is not over, but do not depend of the father's words....only actions count. Men will say alot of things....but they are kind of flighty until about thirty (sorry, the truth though). Are you insured, for instance? Why isn't he helping you financally (or is he?) will he help you financially when the baby is here? Where is the proof that he is commited to being with you for the rest of you and your childs life? Don't say ya'll are getting married.....get married ....at the courthouse. You can have a bigger wedding when finances are better.
Otherwise, plan on raising this child by yourself (with help from your family that will fall in love with your baby, babies can fix familial issues....even if when it was a fetus, it caused the rift ....BLOOD RELATIVES to clarify. You aren't alone....but you need a plan, a written plan of action from now until the baby is here.....for the first three months. That means figuring all the stuff I said about bf, and finances for when you are on leave, childcare.....all of it. It may sound overwhelming....but you have the time, right? (before the baby comes, I mean) Start with a serious discussion with your Navy Bf. Good luck and much good will to you.
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bamababe1975
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2012 at 11:26 AM

 Exactly. You have to make adjustments, but you can still live a full life and be a mom. :)

Quoting Salsacookies:

Life is not over when you get pregnant. You can still do anything that you want to do. I'm getting ready to have twin boys and I already have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I'm 26. 2nd baby was not planned...twins definitely wasn't planned, but we'll be ok. I am nearly done with my degree and I will be returning to school after the boys are born. There are tons of supportive girls on here that can offer advice as well.

 Join us in the Pregnancy group

IreneCarroll
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 11:27 AM
bump


Owl_Feather
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 11:50 AM
Your future goals are not dead :) you are still young and you sound like you have determintation! Many moms live healthy, happy successful lives. You just need to learn how to balance things with children! And your mom will come around. Hell I was 27 with my first and mom treated me like some 14 year old drop out when I told her the news. That's why she was the last to know with this baby lol. Give it time hun! And congrats :)
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Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Jun. 24, 2012 at 1:09 PM
You can do it momma! You are already a mommy, and doing the right thing by trying to figure out your future for you and your child. You will figure it out, 19 really isn't that young to be having ababy. You can always adapt!
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missg8
by Member on Jun. 24, 2012 at 2:08 PM

 Take a deep breath, slow down.  Stay here keep posting we're listening.

  It isn't over. Yes life is hard but you can do this. Take it a minute at a time. Don't try to figure everything at one time just deal minute to minute.

   Also mom is going through her own thing. Not saying she is right or wrong but she has to deal to. Don't give up on her that baby might change mind yet.

    You have someone who love you the father.

missg8
by Member on Jun. 24, 2012 at 2:09 PM

 agree

Quoting Salsacookies:

Life is not over when you get pregnant. You can still do anything that you want to do. I'm getting ready to have twin boys and I already have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I'm 26. 2nd baby was not planned...twins definitely wasn't planned, but we'll be ok. I am nearly done with my degree and I will be returning to school after the boys are born. There are tons of supportive girls on here that can offer advice as well.

 

DarlaHood
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 3:31 PM

So sorry.  I think your mom will come around.  She may just need some time to adjust.  Sounds like she projected a lot of her own mothering satisfaction and dreams onto you.  Which can be normal.  She just has to realize that you have to make your own way in life.  My oldest dd got pregnant at 19, and I was not thrilled, but I made the best of it.  Turns out it was the best thing that could have happened.  She is 27 now, married to my granddaughter's father, and they are doing really well.  She didn't go about things how I though was best, but it turned out that it was better for her than what i wanted.  Hang in there.  Be honest with your mom about how much you need her.  And try to let her know you understand why it's difficult for both of you.  But have faith that you will be closer, and she will be proud of you and her granddchild once she has time to process.

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