I'm new to this.. And as I type this I can't control my feelings anymore and talking with my mom seems like it doesn't help. Which is odd seeing as my mom was my best friend until I told her I am pregnant. I guess there really is a limit on how close you can get with your mom. At this point, i have never felt so alone, never felt like The biggest disappointment and disgrace ever.. I'm 19 going to school in the day and working at night. I know what tired is and I know when I have this baby I'll be exhausted.. Drained. I was on the pill but i missed a few and had to start a new pack but instead i got pregnant. I have had an abortion before and it was to hide the shame.. To try and continue to make my mom proud and that's the only way I thought would work. And it was to avoid what's happening now with my mom.. The avoiding.. Everytime she sees me she shakes her head.. And tells me that my goals in the future are dead, that I can never have a good life anymore. And everyday I can't help but cry.. Which I'm sure isn't good for the baby but I can't help it. To put on top of that I have a very rich and educated family on my moms side that would be devastated.. And I can't help but think of getting another abortion.. But I can't bring myself to doing it anymore. I think the only thing holding me together is my boyfriend who happens to be in the navy.. I know he can be a big help especially when we marry. And he supports me 100% but the support I crave is my own mothers.. I don't know what to do.. Waiting it out makes me just want to end my life or the baby's. Even with my boyfriends support he doesn't understand what I'm feeling. I blame no one but myself, but I have talked to my mom a couple of times.. And each time she has ignored me or mocked me.. She said she'd always be there for me..
So anyone with any advice.. Please help me.. I feel so alone..
on Jun. 24, 2012 at 4:26 AM