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confession

Posted by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 1:45 PM
  • 8 Replies

My ex is military and DS and I moved back to our home state in late july of 2011 to be near my support system. It started out as a vacation to wait out the divorce decision from the EX while he went "camping alone" then turned into im staying here. DS's dad (my ex) fought very hard to get every other weekend in the divorce that finally finalized in april of this year. So far hes missed EVERY SINGLE ONE. He only calls once a month usually around the 20th if he calls anymore than that EVERYONE is visibly shocked. I wish he would at least seem him once a month! That way i could get a break!!!!!! I love my DS  but working full time and having him every weekend is exhausting! I actually envy the women who have the every other weekend follow through with their exes. Id miss DS yes but just to be able to do what I want when I want for a day or so would be awesome. Not having to say cover your mouth when you cough 50 times a day, or PEE by myself!!!!To top it off the EX keeps telling DS that hes coming to see him "soon" or that hes going to cali to see the EX (that wont happen until hes six per divorce papers) my DS is almost 3. Soon to him is max a couple of days. Why does he keep doing that?

by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 1:45 PM
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Replies (1-8):
itsblissmas
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 3:49 PM

I don't know why he keeps doing that. Have you asked him?

 

DarlaHood
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this

There's nothing wrong with needing a break.  You said you moved to be near your support system.  No one in your support system will keep your kid for a night to give you a break?  No grandma, aunt, uncle, bf, no one?

It's hurtful for your ds to have an absent father who shows up once in awhile.  I would build a different support system, and not count on that relationship to provide your ds what he needs.

rissamom224
by Brianna on Jun. 24, 2012 at 4:26 PM
:(
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bamababe1975
by Gold Member on Jun. 25, 2012 at 7:17 PM

 Talk to the ex and explain to him how much it upsets your son for him to make promises that he cannot keep. Ask him flat out why he doesn't come to see him - is it the money, the time, what? Get him to tell you and then maybe take him to court and tell them he isn't following the custody agreement.

mylilgooberpea
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 10:56 PM

 I'm documenting EVERY contact and phone call we have with SD and SD has with my DS. I'm going to give it a while then re-visit in court. But I'm out of money. I paid for HIS divorce I'm broke. As soon as I can I'm going to confront him, its not easy for me to bring stuff up to the EXH hes "NEVER" wrong.... Always an excuse or saying its YOUR fault for moving SO FAR AWAY! over 1700 miles from where hes stationed to be exact. So I understand not being able to make visits every other weekend. But he hasn't seen his son since April 27th 2012. Its the money I know it is, and asking for leave.... but mostly the money. Its always been about the money that HE worked SO hard for and that I would BLOW on groceries, gas, cleaning supplies, diapers ect.

Quoting bamababe1975:

 Talk to the ex and explain to him how much it upsets your son for him to make promises that he cannot keep. Ask him flat out why he doesn't come to see him - is it the money, the time, what? Get him to tell you and then maybe take him to court and tell them he isn't following the custody agreement.

 

juggling Just a single mom living my life for my wonderful son! toddler boy

mylilgooberpea
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:02 PM

 Funny thing is we live with my support system (paying rent for the upstairs apartment) aka mom and dad. I don't have a bed, couch, dining table or anything like that. It was too much for him to move up to me. So i said forget it ill just start over. They do give me a break every once in a while, let me sleep in, go on dates with the BF or riding quads with friends. So I get breaks. But maybe once a month, if that (im very greatful for them!). All the other aunts and uncles live either out of state or too far away.

I dont count on the SD for anything but insurance for my DS (cant beat military), and CS payments. But we have a court order that he gets every other weekend. even... or was it odd? anway even or odd year holidays. He can phone any time he wants to before 8 pm (bedtime for DS) Hes recently started calling twice a month.... wow.

Quoting DarlaHood:

There's nothing wrong with needing a break.  You said you moved to be near your support system.  No one in your support system will keep your kid for a night to give you a break?  No grandma, aunt, uncle, bf, no one?

It's hurtful for your ds to have an absent father who shows up once in awhile.  I would build a different support system, and not count on that relationship to provide your ds what he needs.

 

juggling Just a single mom living my life for my wonderful son! toddler boy

DarlaHood
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, that definitely doesn't sound like enough support for you.  I am a grandma, and I have my granddaughter at least 1 night and a couple of days each week.  More in the summer.  It's my choice (and hers), and it's been that way since she was born, since we enjoy spending time together.

Since your situation is different, I would really encourage you to get involved with a local mom's group of some kind, whether through a church, a college, or your city/town.  Maybe you could trade off babysitting with another mom or two, and make some new friends.  If you can't find one, maybe start one.  Put an ad in for other single mom's in your community to form a social group.  Have everyone bring a half dozen of their favorite kind of cookie and their own drinks and meet at a local park so your kids can play.  How you do it doesn't matter, but I do encourage you to reach out!


Quoting mylilgooberpea:

 Funny thing is we live with my support system (paying rent for the upstairs apartment) aka mom and dad. I don't have a bed, couch, dining table or anything like that. It was too much for him to move up to me. So i said forget it ill just start over. They do give me a break every once in a while, let me sleep in, go on dates with the BF or riding quads with friends. So I get breaks. But maybe once a month, if that (im very greatful for them!). All the other aunts and uncles live either out of state or too far away.

I dont count on the SD for anything but insurance for my DS (cant beat military), and CS payments. But we have a court order that he gets every other weekend. even... or was it odd? anway even or odd year holidays. He can phone any time he wants to before 8 pm (bedtime for DS) Hes recently started calling twice a month.... wow.

Quoting DarlaHood:

There's nothing wrong with needing a break.  You said you moved to be near your support system.  No one in your support system will keep your kid for a night to give you a break?  No grandma, aunt, uncle, bf, no one?

It's hurtful for your ds to have an absent father who shows up once in awhile.  I would build a different support system, and not count on that relationship to provide your ds what he needs.

 


JeremysMom
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:19 PM
1 mom liked this

What is his MOS? When y'all where together was he gone a lot for trainings, work, etc? I am sure that it is hard on both you and him. He doesn't get to see his son because of distance and you don't get any breaks or help with raising a child. I am not trying to make excuses for him but for men, it is hard to have a relationship with a three year old especially over the phone. I woud call your ex and have a discussion. Let him know that you want him to be a part of his child's life, but he can't continue telling him that he will see him soon when he is not. See about having them skype together. Possibly even set a date of when he will be able to come and visit. I know that you may not want to do these things but it is important to at least try to parent together as much as possible for your child's sake.Good Luck!

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