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**VERY GRAPHIC** We belive my 10yr old sister is being "messed with". How do I talk with her to find out?

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 4:52 PM
  • 30 Replies

When I was 13, my half-sister was born.  Let's call her Carly. I was forced to raise her until I was almost 17. I actually raised her, they took me out of school when she was born and I took care of her during the day: fed her, bathed her, dressed her, kept her entertained, taught her, put her to bed at night, woke up with her during the night, did my best to make her feel loved and adored when our mom and her dad would scream and fight and the police would come out and take one to jail, everything.
A nurse once tried to say (while trying to get me to have an abortion, which I did not), "well you were not raising her because you were not bringing in the money." Well you know what, every cent of my "babysitting money" went into feeding that child and if  I had enough, I got to eat too. And you know what else, right now with my own two children, I am doing the exact same thing I was with my sister (except we have more than enough for food), and my husband is bringing in the money, not me. So yes, I was raising my sister, just like the stay at home mom I am today.

Once when my sister was about 2, she stuck a very long screwdriver up the dogs back-end. Once when she was about 3, she laughed and said, "Lick my butt." (Our mom taught her that her vagina was called her "butt" and her butt was called her "bottom", so you know what she was saying.) When Carly was about 6, she drew a picture that looked like a child shoving a screwdriver up a dogs butt. I never saw the picture, but my mom and grandma told me about it, and it could be open to interpretation.
When I was 8 was when my moms boyfriend (Carly's dad) moved in. He was constantly making sexual advances at me and would punish me (physical, not sexual abuse) for not responding, and once when he was drunk he snuck up on me in the shower. So yes, I completely believe he is capable of "messing with" Carly.

At the age of almost 17, I ran away to live with my dad because of the abuse her father was dishing out. They never let me talk to my sister even though she wanted to know where her "Mommy" went. Our mom was "Mom" and I was "Mommy". My husband and I went to visit when I was 20 and she was 7, and that was the last I saw her. Now that she is 10, my mom is bringing her to my state (with permission from the courts) to see me and my children.
I'm going to take her out and get pampered and have ice cream and watch movies and cuddle and bond. And before she leaves, after I have her trust, I am going to talk to her about when she was little and somehow ask if there is any one doing anything to her. Without her knowledge (it is legal in my state, where this will be taking place), I am going to record it. If that bastard is touching her, I am going to lock his ass away for as long as I can.
Ofcourse, I am going to ask her permission if I can use the video, and if she will help us. She hates her dad and cries because she has to go visit him. 




Sorry for the life story, I just need to be thorough so I can get the best advice. I have one chance at this, and I need to do it right.
What is the best way to go about talking with a 10 year old about this?

Thank you ladies for your advice. Please do not be mean, I have alot to deal with right now and you will just be ignored. I know that alot people say it's none of my business, but would you let this happen to your little sister, even though no one else will help?

 

by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 4:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LilDzMamma2010
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:10 PM
Ask her about the supposed picture she drew, ask where she got the idea.
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cjsmom1
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:15 PM
I would ask her about the pictures, ask if anyone has ever touched her.
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firefly1127
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Witnesses, always have a witness. And just bring up the good memories with her and tell her the reason why you left, if she feels safe with you and has your trust she will just come out with it.. please keep us updated on your sister/daughter. I raised my niece who my sister prostituted out at the age of 8. I know where your coming from. My niece calls me aunt mommy now. She's now 18, and fixing to become a mommy herself.
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BubbsJNL
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:24 PM

The most important thing in talking to her is that you NOT ask her "leading" questions.  You can't ask her "Is Daddy touching you in your private places?" but you can ask her "Why do you cry when it's time to go and visit your Daddy?"  Not, "Where did you get the idea for a picture of a dog with a screwdriver up it's butt?" but "I heard about a picture that you drew of a dog...can you tell me about it?"

If the questions are leading in any way, then a judge or CPS worker will interpret it that way, rather than it all being an open, honest proclamation from a 10 year old.

My heart goes out to you and your family and the difficulties you've faced and may very well be facing.  It sounds like you've got a great head on your shoulders and a good heart.  Stay true to you and you'll do your best for your sister.

Amberleigh81
by Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 6:58 PM
Good luck honey... my mom was raped by her stepdad... and he molested my cousin. My grandmother chose to believe him over her child and grandchild. If he has hurt that little girl, I hope you can get him thrown in prison!
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Mrs.J.
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 6:59 PM

I didn't think of that, thank you! I will deffinatly ask that way.
Thank you so much for your response, it was wonderful to read something like that. My mothers side of the family doesn't "want to deal with all that", so they're not even going to try. They're in denial too, even though they will admit they think something is going on. I would love to take custody of her, but we only have a two bedroom and I highly doubt a judge would give us another child. 


Quoting BubbsJNL:

The most important thing in talking to her is that you NOT ask her "leading" questions.  You can't ask her "Is Daddy touching you in your private places?" but you can ask her "Why do you cry when it's time to go and visit your Daddy?"  Not, "Where did you get the idea for a picture of a dog with a screwdriver up it's butt?" but "I heard about a picture that you drew of a dog...can you tell me about it?"

If the questions are leading in any way, then a judge or CPS worker will interpret it that way, rather than it all being an open, honest proclamation from a 10 year old.

My heart goes out to you and your family and the difficulties you've faced and may very well be facing.  It sounds like you've got a great head on your shoulders and a good heart.  Stay true to you and you'll do your best for your sister.


Mrs.J.
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 6:59 PM

Thank you, and will do. They will be here from July 9th to July 13th, so the update will most likely be after that :)
That's so horrible, I'm glad you got her out of there! I'm happy to hear she's doing well.


Quoting firefly1127:

Witnesses, always have a witness. And just bring up the good memories with her and tell her the reason why you left, if she feels safe with you and has your trust she will just come out with it.. please keep us updated on your sister/daughter. I raised my niece who my sister prostituted out at the age of 8. I know where your coming from. My niece calls me aunt mommy now. She's now 18, and fixing to become a mommy herself.


yourpassion
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 7:04 PM
I don't have advice but I can offer prayer and hugs!!!! Good luck!!!!
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SouthTxPrincess
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 7:04 PM
This! I really hope she is ok and nothing is happening to her.


Quoting BubbsJNL:

The most important thing in talking to her is that you NOT ask her "leading" questions.  You can't ask her "Is Daddy touching you in your private places?" but you can ask her "Why do you cry when it's time to go and visit your Daddy?"  Not, "Where did you get the idea for a picture of a dog with a screwdriver up it's butt?" but "I heard about a picture that you drew of a dog...can you tell me about it?"

If the questions are leading in any way, then a judge or CPS worker will interpret it that way, rather than it all being an open, honest proclamation from a 10 year old.

My heart goes out to you and your family and the difficulties you've faced and may very well be facing.  It sounds like you've got a great head on your shoulders and a good heart.  Stay true to you and you'll do your best for your sister.


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loriec
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 7:19 PM

 Go easy,never direct until you see she warms up and comes forth with something that validates the suspicions you have.

God bless you and God help you save your sister. She's probably been going through this so long she doesn't know any better. Children in situations like that are likely to repeat the abuse and become promiscious. I hope she can stay away from her daddy and get the counseling she needs. She is blessed to have you as a sister,you raised qa eyebrow when others pretend nothing is wrong. 

A 2 or 3 year old saying lick my butt(code word for vagina),drawing pic's of screwdrivers in a dogs butt,actually sticking one up a dogs butt......oh no,honey,I am so sorry. I know it's heart breaking.

Look at it this way you have a little time with your sister to get her to say something telling. God bless you for that.

Hugs   

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