Divorced mom needs help!!

Your parents may have some rights... so I would check with a lawyer to see what they are and if they can be removed. Good Luck!

I would just sit him down and be very frank and honest with him.  Don't be accusatory (yes, I know they say nasty things, but if you start pointing it out it will make him defensive and you won't get anywhere).  Just tell him you don't want the kids to be left alone with them because they've said some things that are not true and are hurtful and you don't want the kids to be exposed to them.  Tell them what you've said, that if he's with them to correct any misspoken words, it is okay, but if he needs a babysitter, that you would be glad to have them back a little early.

All you can really do is try to use your good relationship to help him understand your position.  Unfortunately, you can't control what he does.  I don't know what kinds of things your family says, but you can also talk to your children about your beliefs.  They are going to be exposed to lots of different things in society that will be contrary to your teachings.  You could treat this situation like any other.  You don't have to attack any particular person or group of people, but you can explain that some people believe this way.  We don't because...  Even small children can be spoken to at an age appropriate level.  And kids can learn critical thinking skills and discernment about what they hear.

The kids may hear it (not saying its a good thing nor wishing it would happen) but I've learned that as my children got older, they tend to hate the people who trashed me. They know who I am and how they are treated from me. I will always be their mom. You might want to point out to x that you are afraid that, if they bad mouth you around them, then they won't have a good relationsship with them when they get older. They will realize that they were doing wrong. Hope that works for you. Put it to x that you don't want the kids to have a bad relationship with them like you do.Turn the tables a little. Maybe he won't let them talk bad about you or won't leave them so they could. Wish you luck!

Sorry that you can't come to terms with your ex.  If your kids hear the grandparents talk trash they willsoon refuse to go.  I know this happened with my nephew, when his gparents trashed my sister.  He was sitting on the porch with his suitcase when he was 3 years old when she went to get him and he refused to visit for almost a year.  Good luck.  The situation may resolve itsself.

I would remind the ex about your request, emphasizing the part about them lying to you and your cousins as children.

Quoting Dayna29:

The kids may hear it (not saying its a good thing nor wishing it would happen) but I've learned that as my children got older, they tend to hate the people who trashed me. They know who I am and how they are treated from me. I will always be their mom. You might want to point out to x that you are afraid that, if they bad mouth you around them, then they won't have a good relationsship with them when they get older. They will realize that they were doing wrong. Hope that works for you. Put it to x that you don't want the kids to have a bad relationship with them like you do.Turn the tables a little. Maybe he won't let them talk bad about you or won't leave them so they could. Wish you luck!

You can only control what you can control --and what your ex does when you're not there isn't it.

You need to talk to your kids about the mess in your family, and how they might hear things and wonder if they're true. Families say crazy things sometimes, but just because someone says something doesn't make it true... that kind of thing.

Don't try to control other people, work hard on influencing what your kids think (your behaviour will have more impact on that than your words have any hope to).

You can not control who your ex takes your kids around during his visitation however you can show your children that you aren't the person your family paints you to be.