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Advice for Moms

Advice for Moms > See Active Posts - Let's Talk!

paranoid about sexual abuse or perceptive?

Posted by

mamacharity503

on Jun. 29, 2012 at 7:19 PM

15 Replies

want to start a community diaglogue from the moms about how you know when you are paranoid or perceptive about sexual abuse signals. we have a close family friend who is a very friendly man to everyone. super positive type who seems to have an easy time making friends of all ages. the problem here that has set an alarm off for me is that he and my 14 year old step daughter seem to have too much of a connection. i have seen no major signs of anything but do find it strange that she will call him to talk and makes sure she looks nice before we go to see him. am I wrong or is it just innapropriate for them to be having any conversations aside from the ones with the entire family included. I am by no means going to accuse him of anything but her father and I agreed just to be on the safe side that they are no longer to spend time alone even if it be a quick trip to the store. I guess what im curious about is if anyone else has had a similar situation and how can youtell the difference between a really nice person and something innapropriate??? I personally dont see any reason why a 35 year old man would even want to spend time with a teenager. in discussions my step daughter has said hes "like an uncle" to her but im not sure if I buy this. any advise?

Posted by

mamacharity503

on Jun. 29, 2012 at 7:19 PM

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11-15 of 15 replies

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mamacharity503

on Jun. 30, 2012 at 5:34 PM

thanks for all the input. I really dont want to make an issue of it on his side with what I dont feel is enough concrete evidence other than his willingness to take her calls and what seems like a little too much connection to me. the fact is it would really offend him if his intensions were truely not malicious. as far as my sd is concerned it is very unlikely that she would tell us because she would probably be embarrased considering the age difference and that he is such a close family friend. I agree with all that the best plan of action is to absolutly make sure there is zip alone time and no opportunity to make the situation escalate. thx for all the input. hope whatever phase this is passes!!!!

erikadi

Bronze Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 1:13 AM

I think you are on the right track for what you are doing. I have family friends that I consider like uncles or second fathers, but outside of that I don't call just to chat. It is nice she has an adult that she can trust. I just hope he does not take advantage of that. It is also not good that she makes sure she looks nice for him. I would not care what I my "uncle" or uncle thought of my appearance.

SexyTeacher

Gold Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 1:56 AM

My DH was never a father before me. Now he is a wonderful step father to my daughter. His 2 best friends have children. He was at their houses or they were at his just about every day. So the kids did grow up with him around. He is the godfather to 1 of the girls. There are 2 girls and 1 boy. When he moved back to NC he got phone calls/cards on a regular basis for a while. He got an invite to the HS graduation. It was addressed to him and the inner envelope had "Uncle Gary" on it. He told me all 3 kids called him "Uncle Gary". Plus his second wife had a much younger sister-she was 5. They often went to the mall, to the candy store, the fountain etc. He saw nothing wrong with it and neither did anyone else. Just keep a close on the situation.

Dayna29

Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 3:35 AM

I think she may have a crush. But it can happen. I've heard both sides of people ins similar situations. One wat a good family male friend and one day he said put out or get out. She was sick at the time and knew if she went outside it could kill her (middle of winter). Then the guy never came back after that. But on the other hand, there was a young girl you crushed so bad that she was talking to her friends about thier"sexual activities" that never happened. People got wind of it and he got into trouble because girls talk and rumors fly. Not saying your daughter would but fantacies happen and gets turned around. My mom would never let us in a house unless the mom was home, not just the dad. We couldn't take rides home or anything. That proteceted both of us from any kind of rumors or anything happening. She wouldn't let my dad take our friends home unless one of us was with him to protect our family as well. Can't ever be to cautious now days. One wrong word and SRS is all over you or that person.

MylittlePea

Member on Jul. 2, 2012 at 11:43 AM

That's a toughie I was molested my my sweet grandpa so do what you have to to protect her that's your job but at the same time she may just admire him a little bit and he's trying to be nice and not dismiss her. But with cases like these ere on the side of caution. Supervise and when there together squeeze yourself in... Make yourself known and if he has any ill intention he'll back off quickly especially if he knows your your WATCHING and your presence will let him know your uneasy. My last piece of advice is trust your instincts sounds like they may be trying to warn you.