I'm having trouble with my Mom undermining me as a parent. If I try to discipline my daughter in front of her my mother acts as though I'm too tough on her. (She does the same thing to my sister with her daughter.) For example: Tonight we ate supper at my Mom's. After I took my DD to pick out pet rabbits. She was taught how to hold the rabbit by the farmer. When we got home she wanted to hold it again but was not holding it correctly (though I tried to show her several times) so the bunny tried to get down and scratched her (didn't leave a mark). She screamed, cried, and was loud enough to disturb the neighbors. (My daughter has ADHD and has problems with self control and is often very dramatic in her behavior.) She left the bunny with me and went into the garage and threw things. I was trying not to cry so I started to laugh- my way of coping- stupid I know, but it just comes out that way. I put the bunny away, got DD into the house where she continued her tantrum. While running her bath and letting her cry it out until she was calm enough to talk reasonably I called my mom to vent. What a mistake. Before I could tell her what had happened she heard the tantrum and asked to talk to DD. Thinking she was going to try to calm her down, I put DD on the phone with her. Mom told DD that I was wrong and that I needed to appologize for laughing. Then DD gave the phone back to me and Mom started screaming at me. She had not heard my side of the story at all, she just talked to my DD (who was mad that she got in trouble for her behavior) and my Mom did not want to hear about the bigger picture. I told her that I had dealt with one tantrum and was not ready to deal with another and when she was ready to be rational I would talk to her.
The other thing she has been doing that is creating problems is making snide comments about my current daycare (which I LOVE) in front of DD. Now my DD is reluctant to go and it is a struggle to get her there every morning. Mom used to babysit but because of health issues she no longer does and I think she is a little bitter about it. My Mom is very sedentary and my DD watched a lot of TV in her care. At the daycare she has outdoor play time and lots of kids to keep her company. Mom makes comments that she should be allowed to stay inside, it is mean that they make her go outside to play, etc. My DD had a weight problem while being babysat by my Mom, her weight is now normal. Also her behavior has improved since the switch.
So, how can I nicely draw the line and set some boundaries with my Mom? I don't want WW3- I do want to stand my ground though.