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getting four year old out of parent bed

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 12:23 AM
  • 12 Replies

Actually, I like her being in our bed but hubby has a problem. But I think it may be better as she is still so ridiculously clingy to me. I know the age goes by fast, and I'm trying to enjoy it, but I can't go upstairs without her freaking out completely. So I'm wondering how people handled the transition. Did you make it a no fuss, matter of fact thing? A rite of passage, celebratory ooh you're a big kid thing? She's been in our bed or room several months. Actually began when hubby and I were separated for a few months. He's been back since end of April. Any advice---not judgment, please---I need constructive advice to get our young one back in her room.

by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 12:23 AM
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by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 12:29 AM

does she have her own room decorated already? if not let her pick out the items bedding etc 

sticker charts with rewards

explain big girls have their own room, start with making sure she's resting in there playing etc just keep going & stick to it. if she starts out in yours put her in hers- every night no exceptions- yes it sucks but consistantcy is what will do it. good luck 

by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 12:42 AM

Since it's only been a few months I think it won't be too hard.  Try keeping a bed time schedule with the 3 B's- Bath, Brushing teeth and Book (read to her in her bed)  Also sit with her until she falls asleep the first couple of nights and then eventually you'll be able to get back to a kiss good night after the book is done and a "see you in the morning." And yes- firm and matter of fact seem to work best for most everything with kids.

She may be clinging to you because Dad left for a while and she is afraid of losing you.  My daughter went through being clingy after my ex and I split.  She may just need to be assured that everything is OK now.

by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 1:20 AM
For my son we just told him he was, his body too big and we could not sleep well with him in there. It took him months to move out all the way.

Maybe do a reward system, if you stay in your bed all night you can do something special with mommy.
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by Amber on Jul. 10, 2012 at 2:17 AM
Opposite here. I always wanted the kids out but dh wants them to be comfy and happy.

Our rule is that you must go to your own bed in your own room at bedtime. It's adult time in the house.

If you end up in our bed though, we cuddle and enjoy the short time this will be.

It works.

For you especially, daddy was gone a while. That was her comfort and now he's back and she has to get out? What confusion. Sad. Hope you come to an agreement with him.
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by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 11:34 AM
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I would try a mattress on the floor in your room if you have room for it that way she isnt in the bed with you but in the same room. Maybe when her daddy left she is now scared you will do the same. From there i think you have to take little by little see how she does.

Right now thats where my boys are. I figure they will grow out of it. That or when they get older like 5 or 6 they will have more understanding and i will let them decorate get special bed spread of there favortie character and say they can only sleep with it in there room.

by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 2:55 PM

At 4 years old she is definitely able to understand.  First sit her down, maybe on your lap and tell her that she is 4 now andshe is too big to sleep with Mommy and Daddy.  Then make it a big deal and parade her to her room and her big girl bed, read to her, what not make it special.  One concern though, you said you can't go upstairs without her freaking out.  Her room should be close to yours, in case she gets frightened.  Surely you can clear out a room so she can be upstairs too.  If I was 4 and downstairs all alone, I would fight toooth and nail to go to bed with Mommy and Daddy too.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 3:10 PM

If you don't have room for a full mattress try this:

It is at 

And you can also use it whenever you go away or she needs to sleep over some where so she still has something known to her.

DD uses it when we go to grandparents and she is 6 1/2 and it is just starting to get to short because of the "bumpers" on it. 

We have had it for 4 years now, and second child is using it to.

Start with it next to your bed then move it away from you bed(but still in your room).  Then move it to her room.

by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 3:10 PM
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Can she live on her own, yet? Why not?

I have no constructive advice to make a small child not need her parents for her sense of safety and security --during the day or the night. Since neither can anyone else, I don't know what to tell you, except that your expectations of how needy a child under 10 'should' be is out of alignment with reality.

It is instinctive for kids to stay close to their parents, and their instincts cannot be argued with. They don't know about locks or windows... their instincts only know about raiders, tigers and snakes.

by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 3:28 PM

Ugh, I wish I were married to you women. Here's the thing. I agree, that kids, especially this particular child should be with us because she wants to be. My other daughter, since babyhood, liked her own space and has no problem in her room. She comes in sometimes and it's not a problem. We had the mattress on the floor, but my husband is the type who thinks that kids won't come up with a thought or interest on their own unless you implant one into their brains. What I meant by not being able to go up the stairs...All of our bedrooms are close to each others. But this dd is especially clingy. I have a chronic condition(I don't like to say illness, but it is debilitating) that I know worries her AND the separation behind us, so I think it's reasonable for her to be in the bed with us. The problem is that even though my other dd is fine in her room, she's jealous of her sister being with us. So I'm torn. I can even be cool with both girls in our room on mattresses but it becomes a giggle fest and my husband just isn't having it. So I understand how everyone in the family feels. I just don't know how to please everyone.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 3:33 PM

Would it be comforting to her to be in the room with her sister?  That way she is not alone.

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