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My feminine little boy...

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:09 AM
  • 12 Replies

 So, I should really know better. I work in the early childhood education field. I know that children will be children and they all like different things. I am so very blessed to get the pleasure of working with my 4 year old son on a daily basis.

The problem: (and I don't even really know if it is a problem)...

He prefers pink, he likes activtivies that are typical to girls, etc...Now, granted he has two younger sisters, but, I just don't recognize these behaviors and preferences in many other little boys his same age. I wonder if he identifies or thinks that he is a girl? I know that he knows the difference between boys and girls. It only partly bothers me, because I know that he may grow out of it and if he doesn't, that's okay too. I guess I am fearful that if he never does, he may be chastized and less accepted by his peers.

The thing is, I am so liberal with my thoughts and views that I almost feel that I've, in some way, imposed those on my little boy.  If I see that he is playing in my shoes at home, I don't stop him like many would...I know it's pretend. If he is curious about the nail color that I put on my fingernails, I might say, "mostly girls where this", but I might be inclined to paint clear on one of his fingers. It's not the fact that he likes pink or any other "girl" color, it's the fact that when I say, "here Roman, make your art project on blue construction paper", he is unwilling and demands the pink. Or if I say, "here Roman, daddy's shoes are fun to play in too!" he might just laugh and say, but I'm wearing mommy's right now!", etc...

I love my baby, but I wish he were open to new things. Any ideas, advice, or feedback?

by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CAW05
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:16 AM
2 moms liked this

 I wouldn't worry about it. He is having fun and exploring.  I don't think there is anything wrong with this. Making a big deal about it might make him feel bad or ashamed. Its healthy to have an imagination . Since when do blue belongs with boys , pink belong to girls.? I wear every color. I don't know, if you make him feel bad now and as an adult he  wants to say pink or something he is going to  feel there is something wrong with him.

beco8627
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:20 AM
Meh, I would just let him do his thing :) My 4 yr old is pretty much all boy, yet a few months ago said he wanted to marry a boy....then in the same sentence said he wanted marry me, lol! He plays with dolls when the 7 yr old girl I babysit brings them...no biggie, he still plays with cars too. Sometimes he prefers something pink, but still says his favorite color is blue. I don't really care, I let him explore what he wants.
Your son knows the difference between boys and girls, so maybe you should ask him what he thinks he is. I've asked mine. He says he's a boy and that he likes being a boy, but still said he wants his hair as long as mommys. I've also asked if he thinks boys or girls are pretty to him. He says girls then he gets bashful about it. Have a talk with your son if your worried about it. It's ok to do at this age in my opinion. As long as your speaking in terms that he understands.
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crazy4u49033
by Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:21 AM
Totally normal!!! Just let him go with what he likes. His interests will change( and you'll have a lot of cute/funny stories to share with future girlfriends) :-D
You are doing fine!!
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vwd_johnson
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:29 AM
It's not anything you are doing ! He's going to prefer what he prefers, & you stopping behavior like that will only cause him to be angry, it's good to let him explore.

I will say though I found it very interesting when I watched a show on children who said they were a boy, but wanted to be a girl, & they felt "trapped" in their body as the other sex, and these were litttlee kids. Like 8-12 who were changing their names to boy or girls name, changing the way they dress, & talking about removing their parts when they get older. All the moms & dads all said each of their children started early & they could tell the signs. At first they thought it was phase but as the years went by & the kids kept saying "No I'm a girl/No I'm a boy" they learned to finally accept it.

NOT SAYING your son is one of these kids & wants to be a girl, just thought it was very interesting to watch & similar to this situation so I thought i'd mention it.
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HyperMom38
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:31 AM

My daughter copies everything I do.  Maybe he just feels really close to you and wants to be like you.  But I agree with the other mothers- have a little conversation with him about if he likes being a boy, who is prettier- boys or girls, etc.  It is not too soon- I asked my daughter all of those questions as soon as she was able to talk enough to answer them!  She loves to dress like a girl but plays like a boy.


justgracie
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 8:21 PM

This is my neice's story.  She is 7.  She tried to tell us literally from the time she was a year old.  She gets to be herself now.  I wish we would have understood her better in the beginning.  

But I just told her I am sorry that I made a mistake.  I don't think there really is another thing to be done.  A gender variant kid isn't made because they like mommy's shoes.  It's just who they are.

Quoting vwd_johnson:

It's not anything you are doing ! He's going to prefer what he prefers, & you stopping behavior like that will only cause him to be angry, it's good to let him explore.

I will say though I found it very interesting when I watched a show on children who said they were a boy, but wanted to be a girl, & they felt "trapped" in their body as the other sex, and these were litttlee kids. Like 8-12 who were changing their names to boy or girls name, changing the way they dress, & talking about removing their parts when they get older. All the moms & dads all said each of their children started early & they could tell the signs. At first they thought it was phase but as the years went by & the kids kept saying "No I'm a girl/No I'm a boy" they learned to finally accept it.

NOT SAYING your son is one of these kids & wants to be a girl, just thought it was very interesting to watch & similar to this situation so I thought i'd mention it.


caro100
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 12:41 AM

i wouldn't make too big a deal out of it.  My oldest son like purple for years.  Its hard to find purple shirts alot of times that aren't girly.  Alot of boys are more sensitive, it may be that he will have some teasing later on, but leave that till later if it happens at all.  Just keep giving him options.  

selene_odin
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 12:48 AM

Let him be...he's only 4. What goes on at this age is NO indication of who he'll ultimately grow up to be in terms of sexuality. I had one who wanted to play with pink ponies, wanted to dress up as Barbie for Halloween AND wore his sisters' Mulan costume for months...napped in it and everything. He turned out to be the "manliest" one...the biggest ladies man lol. If he went another way, it would have been all good. On the other hand, I had a girl who was a tomboy who turned out to be the biggest "princess" lol. Either way, none of it mattered, they were both great fun to raise 

elzmnsf
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:08 AM
Eh I'd let him be. My oldest dd never was to into Barbies and such. And now at 10, she likes to play with those tiny skatepark sets... I never did anything about what she liked. She asked Santa for hot wheels , she got hot wheels! I worked in my youngest dd's kinder class this past year about 3 times a week. There was this 4yr old boy who was big and rough but loooooooooved pink. Would fight the girls for the pink paper or markers or whatever. By the years end he had switched to green, I personally think it was the influence of being in a class with the peer dynamics and no mommy there all the time. My oldest now thinks hair and nails and clothes are the best, but plays with the skateparks and never did like so called normal girl toys. And if he is different in that way, you pushing him to be more "boy" like will just make him feel weird and abnormal, and he'll get enough of that in the outside world, all kids do at some point. If you want to be his safe landing spot, the one person he can open up too, then keep doing like ou are. Liking pink, bein curious about moms nail polish, playing dress up... None of that equates to him being gay or transgendered, not even slightly. But if he is, then you pushing him to do otherwise will equate to him not being able or willing to talk to you, when you are the only person who will love and accept him unconditionally! All that to say, sounds normal and continue on mama!
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Izzybelly1991
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:32 AM

SO used to love to play house. He had a baby doll and played daddy all the time. He's an outdoors man who is far from feminie lol I just think give him the options of playing with anything he wants. Putting lables on what are for girls and what are for boys can make him like he's doing something wrong when he's older. Also, he might just be closer with you. He might see you as his role model and want to do everything you do. 

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