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Very stressed out, feel like i'm going to burst!

Posted by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 7:10 PM
  • 8 Replies

Hello, my name is maddy. I am 12 weeks pregnant with my first. I have recently moved in with my boyfriend because his family told me it was okay to stay there until we find a place to live, however due to the recession i don't see us getting a place anytime soon unless it is through the council.As soon as i moved in i knew i had to help out, i washed up, ironed and cleaned the house spotless so my boyfriends mother comes home and has nothing to worry about as i know she works so much! However no one else in this house seems to really care and doesn't feel they need to help out.

My boyfriend and his siblings never had displine as a child so they are very spoilt, have all the latest electronics etc. So they have always had someone to do stuff for them unlike me growing up my mother was a single parent didn't have alot of money so i did everything for myself. 

The REAL concern of mine is that due to me overworking myself at home, i had light bleeding, so my midwife told me to relax and stay in bed and i will then  be fine and that i've just overdone it. Which to me badly affected me as i thought the worst at the start so today i've explained to his mum and dad and they didn't seem to really listen. His sister however has just finished secondary school and starts college in september. I am in college atm and have regular courseworse and exams i need to study for, so i though great she will help out? nope she hasn't.  I will come home from college around 3 and nothing will be done around the house, i will ask her to do it and it never gets done, i feel like i can't moan at her because i am a guest and she's not my sister. It just makes me think how selfish it is, knowing your brothers girlfriend is pregnant and cleaning up her mess all the time and yet she doesn't seem to care?

I'm so stressed out over this, i feel useless, it makes me want to cry coming home and seeing all this mess, constantly bending over, lifting heavy boxes and like the midwife said its not doing my anygood. 

His family do not listen to me when i tell her my problems, they dont displine her and she just gets away with it, i don't know what to do about it anymore, there is no where else for me to go and i just can't put up with this anymore, my baby is far more important than some selfish 16 year old that is in her own little world! 

Thank you for reading 


by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 7:10 PM
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Replies (1-8):
amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Jul. 13, 2012 at 7:57 PM

welcomeI'm sorry about all of the stress you're going through.

6-is-it
by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 10:12 AM

Hello Maddy,

I empathize with your current set of circumstances, but you must find a way to keep your stress in check. I think that the best way for you to do this is by not concerning yourself with the actions of anyone in that house; no matter how undisciplined they are. If you don't have any other options for living arrangements, just make the best of where you are and be proactive about making it as temporary of a situation as possible. The other thing you might want to consider is your future with the baby's father.

You stated that he and his siblings lack discipline and you didn't mention him helping you keep the house clean, either. So ask yourself, do you think he's going to be any different if you get a place together? This experience should be an eyeopener for you and your future, but I'm in no way saying that he should be absolved of being a father to his child. IMO, you should concentrate on you and your baby's health and your studies so that you can provide a better life for you and your child. I don't know how strong your relationship is with your boyfriend, but just because you have a child together doesn't mean he is in your future.

I did not stay in a relationship with my first child's father and 10 years later, I married the love of my life. My husband not only raised my daughter, but blessed me with 5 more and the choice to be a stay at home mom. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes we have to go through turmoil to help us put things into perspective, so is the real problem the cleanliness of this family or the knowledge that you are bound to them by namesake for at least 18 years? Be strong, be wise and make the best decision for YOUR life!

Shalom Aleichem :)

Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 14, 2012 at 10:21 AM

Im sorry you are so stressed out with your situation. The next time you are all sitting down together, I would talk to them about your concerns, that way everyone knows and understands what you are saying. Regardless of what needs to be done, you should NOT be lifting anything heavy or over doing it.

Good luck

marisab
by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 10:48 AM

 maybe u need to find somewhere else to stay u nee dnee dthis stress for the baby or your school

trebelcleff
by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 10:53 AM

If they haven't asked you to be sure to help out and you are the only one helping, then stop.  Think about how it was BEFORE you moved in... did anyone else do anything then?  If not, you can't expect them to suddenly start just because there is now an extra person.  Pick up after yourself and limit it to that.  Try not to let their mess bother you, and if anyone starts complaining, just reiterate that you are restricted to limited activities only.  As long as you pick up after yourself and perhaps do some of the easier chores that don't require a lot of effort, you'll be doing your part in the household and nothing more should be required.  Good luck!

Bmat
by Barb on Jul. 14, 2012 at 5:31 PM
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I can understand why you don't want to just move in and do nothing. You want to make your being there an asset instead of a liability. But you also cannot be the housekeeper for all of the adults.  At the very least, clean up after yourself and your boyfriend. He should also be paying some rent for both you and him. You can make meals, perhaps, and clean up. But as far as general cleaning and laundry, do only yours and your boyfriend's. I agree with 6 who commented that your boyfriend should be stepping in with help. and also with treble who said that if there are complaints that you should remind them about your restrictions. 

caro100
by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:55 AM

Sounds like you need to go home to your Mum and Dad.  Your boyfriends fanily are comfortable in their sloppy home and it is just going to drive you bonkers to live there.  You really need to have some conversations with your boyfriend about how you feel.  I think you and he will have some real compatability issues, because he will probably not help you around the house and he will be very sloppy.  Just things you need to think about and maybe you need to get in council housing until after you get out of school.  Good luck.   

LindaClement
by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 1:51 PM

Working doesn't cause breakthrough bleeding. Resting won't stop a spontaneous abortion.

Learning to deal with stress is a necessary life skill, but there is also no evidence that stress causes miscarriage. So, you need to get better at dealing with stress, but that's unrelated to this.

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