DH, seeing as you said your DS saw it had an experience much like this when he was 8, him and the little girl who lived next door to him saw it... His parents left it in the VCR... They than tried to have sex shortly after...
Just let him know that it is fiction, and that it isn't what real men or women actually enjoy.
I would respond to this the same way as if your kids barge in on you and your husband doing the deed. We have a very small home and there isn't much between our love making and our children. A door and a short hallway and the night, that's all. They do sometimes wake up and ask for water. My son is now 7 and he's smart enough and old enough to leave mom and dad alone if the door is closed and it's night. If he needs something, he knocks at the door. My daughter is only three and she has barged in on us before in the middle of the night. She probably thinks we are just wrestling or maybe she's so tired, she cares nothing about this at all.
As your child is older, I would probably have a talk with him about it. Ask him if he has questions and answer them as honestly as you can. Children are still human and although they are not sexually matured, those instincts are still in them and they have natural curiosity just like all humans. So put those curiosities at ease by answering any and all questions and explaining the need to wait until they are grown if that comes up as well.
I watched porn when I was a very little as well. A whole video my brother, sister, and I found. We watched it while my parents were out. I was about 5 years old at the time. I've never forgotten what I seen but I had no real idea what it was, only that it was interesting and it looked fun to do that with a boy. I was kissing boys like crazy a few years later and had sex at a young age, but no one had the talk with me. Actually, my mother just told me sex was gross and not to do it. That kissing boys gives you mono. Yeah right. There is nothing gross about sex and I wish she would have had the real talk with me. I really, really wish she had. . .
We have a saying in our house...:Honesty is best in ALL things.
Leave the conversation open and an invitation to speak later in the future if he has any questions.
It needs to feel comfortable for him to talk about.
I just had to do this with my 8 year old daughter. A lady in our family (a distant aunt) died and we took the kids to the wake. We thought we could keep the kids deep in the back where the casket was not and unfortunately when we got there, there were hardly any people there at first. There were FIVE rows of chairs so even in the back you were still sitting close enough to see her in the casket.
I wasn't sure how to approach her about the subject but soon realized that I had to say something. When we stepped out to the bathroom my daughter asked if the lady laying down was dying. I then had to explain to her that she already died. I watched her and her five year old sister and they would peek over every once in awhile toward the casket. Still not sure if they were waiting for her to get up or what...but I know their eyes were wide and wondering. I was going to speak more about it but they changed the subject so I left it alone...I only told them if they wanted to talk about anything that they saw I would talk about it with them.
Sometimes they want to discuss things they saw and sometimes they don't. I think in their own way they want to figure it out themselves...but with the open invitation to talk about things I think that offers them the freedom to decide how they want to handle it themselves.
It would depend on my child's reaction. I would explain it was just a movie that was intended for adults.
Please try to keep yourself calm and cool. Don't let your son think sex is nasty, bad, or ugly. that video might have been creepy. Give your son time away from the images, go out for a walk in the park. Take him swimming.
Question about an 11 year old
- bercasto
on Jul. 15, 2012 at 2:16 PM