LOST: 37 year old wife/mother. Looking for sanity and direction.
This post may be a tad long. I just need to vent and get it off of my chest.
Here goes: I won't bore you with a whole lot of background just the basics. I'm 37, have 3 kids (17, 16, 12). Been married to my high school sweetheart for 18 years. I work full time as a secretary/payables/recievables girl. It isn't rocket science. I have been at my job for 14 years. Several years ago, I realized that this is the most unfulfilling career ever and I didn't want to be here any longer. My job is not stressful by any means, and the people are decent. We did lose our vacation/sick time a few years ago. And no retirement but I make really good money.
I feel like this job is sucking my soul. I cry a lot when I am here. I'm not only one in the front office so I don't have a lot of interaction with people. I have a lot of leeway with my job...I can take off when I need to (and not get paid mind you). I can talk to my bosses how I want. And did I mention, I make good money for what I do?
My heart feels heavy and I feel anxious. I am on meds so I take them religiously. My moods are getting worse. The problem is that I don't know what I want to do in life. I don't know what I want to be or what I CAN be. I really don't know what I like - I'm not really good at a whole lot. Not good enough to be lucrative. I feel lost. And I really can't quit and go "find myself" - i have a mortgage and 3 teenagers, 2 of which will be going to college here very shortly. If I go to another job, doing the same thing I am doing, I will start at the bottome again and probably make at least $8-$9 less than I do now because of my skill set. And to be honest, I don't even want to do this work any longer. But I don't know what I want to do. This is affecting me like it never has before. I FEEL LOST. I FEEL STUCK.
Thank you so much for just reading/listening.