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Would you destroy a family to save a family?

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My fiancé's sister and brother in law live in poverty. They don't ever have much food (but always beer and cigs), their house is a mess with dog crap smeared on the floor, dirty clothes everywhere, dirty dishes, holes in the walls, and they hardly ever have toilet paper (they share a bath towel or use socks to wipe). They are months behind on all their bills. They have five kids, they're oldest (16) has a six week old baby girl. The sixteen year old recently said "is it too late to put her up for adoption".
So that's the basics of their situation. Oh, and their kids have no clue what discipline is.
Anyway, I feel like I need to call cps. I feel horrible for that poor baby girl and I would take her if I could, but I can't. How do I find the strength to break up a family. I know that it's for the greater good and I'm pretty certain I'm going to call. I guess I just want to hear people tell me it's a good idea. I can't tell anyone I know about this. I told my fiancé and he said that he knows it needs to happen but he can't do it. His sisters kids have been taken before and he was there for it and it was heart breaking for him.
How do I do this and look his sister in the eye? Or even my fiancé's? Lord please give me strength.
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by on Jul. 26, 2012 at 9:56 PM
Replies (91-99):
littleangie
by Member on Jul. 28, 2012 at 11:55 AM

It sounds as if the family destroyed itself.  Save that baby before they ruin her life. 

DakotaHaley
by Member on Jul. 28, 2012 at 12:02 PM

Yes I would call, even though it is hard. It's not fair for kids to live like that and the parents need to realize that and do something about it. If they don't then that is there own fault. 

    I would call though, because kids can't change things only adults can. CPS will give them a chance to get the kids back, but they are going to have to want that and change there behavior. If they don't that is there own fault.

Poohy1975
by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 6:14 PM

 I've been in your situation,twice. Once with my ex fiance who is now serving 20 years for molesting/raping his 3 girls.And my sister. She did have her kids taken from her. They were gone nine months. On the weekends i did the supervised visits.Most of the time it was my kids and i playing with her kids while she would sulk in a corner because she lost her kids. I didn't feel sorry for her at all. The kids finally got their teeth fixed, they had clean clothes every time i seen them, the didn't stink,and they were learning manners. But they were also one of the fortunate ones. The had a awesome foster mom and all three got to stay together.

shadenn766
by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 6:16 PM

 ok i didnt read all of the post...i stopped when you talked about  'them not having toilet paper

...

will be back later to continue

HitMe
by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 6:19 PM

Go with your heart it won't lead you wrong!

HisMommy4Ever
by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 6:38 PM

Damn that's sad. Yeah you should call. That's not a good environment for them and how come the dad can't get a job or something?....I think it's worse for those kids to live in a place like that than to not be with their parents. Yeah I would feel bad to even do that...but really think about it....you SHOULD call.

spotsmom
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 1:05 AM

That's disgusting. Truly, truly disgusting. But here are the really important questions, the ones that should really determine your decision. Are the children being abused? Verbally, physically, any way at all? Are they ever truly hungry, going for more than a day without eating? Are they really in danger of infection, getting seriously ill from poor/unsanitary living conditions, etc? Here is my point, CPS is not a fix-all for a family living in poverty and filth. If you had written that the children were being physically harmed, emotionally abused, seriously neglected (as in not having medical needs met, left alone for long periods of time, not looked after to the best of their ability) then i would say call, NOW. And does sound like some neglect is there, especially over hygiene and proper meals. Frankly, I'm just not sure. Foster care is rife with dangers, as well, it is an imperfect system, and I personally know children who were taken from homes that were nothing more than filthy and mildly negligent and put in foster homes where they were severely abused, physically and sexually. It's a huge gamble, and it has to be one that is worth it. Yes, the odds are low that they will go into a situation worse than the one they are in, but the risk is there. If the parents are abusive, drug addicts, severe alcoholics, etc, then do it. but IF they try to be good parents and fall short simply because of their poverty, then try to find other ways to help them. IT DOES sadden me that they have had their kids taken before, and still have not managed to clean up their act (literally) so it may be that depression is part of the problem. Even dire poverty is no excuse for such filth. Has anyone in the family tried to talk to them, and even threaten to call to get them to clean up their act? Can anyone in the family take the kids? I'm not saying that calling is the WRONG answer, but's it's one that should be be very, very carefully weighed. 

felicia0387
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 2:25 AM

I think you would be doing the right thing in calling cps. If they have money for smokes and beer, then they damn sure should be able to get the neccasitys! Yes its sad that it comes to this, but if they cant care or wont care for them, its in the childrens best interest! If it were me i would look those parents in the eyes and tell them excatley what i were doing, and why! As for the 16 yr old with the baby, its sad that she has no "mother" to turn to in this, and if she really thinks adoption is the answer then my heart goes out to her, but its not the only answer. Best wishes to you with your choice, in the end the kids will thank you when they are old enough to understand!

hugs

lizhalee
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 11:19 AM
Both the dad and mom have jobs. They just don't manage their money well.


Quoting HisMommy4Ever:

Damn that's sad. Yeah you should call. That's not a good environment for them and how come the dad can't get a job or something?....I think it's worse for those kids to live in a place like that than to not be with their parents. Yeah I would feel bad to even do that...but really think about it....you SHOULD call.


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