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As my daddys on his death bed he tells me I have a little sister.....

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Ok, so not little anymore. About 25 he says. He didn't give me names. Just told me a story of how when he and my mom got divorced he had an affaire with a married woman who was mad at her husband for getting a vasectomy after 2 kids. But then she went back to her husband and back then my father had no say to a married womans child. Even though she was his child too. He saw the baby twice then the family threatened his life. Now my Dad is so far gone after his stroke I have no more to go on. What can I do? This is a crime done to not only my Dad but to this girl and our whole family.
Edit: Just to add a little history. My parents divorce didn't go well. They ended up taking my yonger brother and I and splitting us up. Mom taking him, Dad me. So from 10 months old my brother didn't live with dad. From 2 years old I didn't live with mom. Our older brothers were able to choose as they were much older. My mom moved to MN from WI. My little brother never developed a real relationship with our father or I. So this happened to my father basically twice. I know it won't chanch things for him now. But knowing my siblings means so much too me.
My father had 2 strokes and is not going to last long. I think he's hanging on because of all this. His doctor has no clue how he's still alive. He's on hospice now but I wont do any more harm to this girl.
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 3:59 PM
Replies (101-110):
Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:49 PM

I didn't know she had no names but she can probably figure it out. That is if she wants to be in touch with possible family.

Quoting 3Boyz2Luv:

How is she going to do that with no names to go on?


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

If the supposed sibling is 25 I would just contact her. Just the two of you. No one else. See if she wants to be in touch or not.



IansMommy2012
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 12:05 AM

Wow.. Is there anyway (through anyone) that could possibly know a name ? Whether it be the name of the women your dad had an affair with, her husband or your sister?? I would seem to think you could maybe look them up on facebook (cause everyone has a facebook) .. or if you are financially able, hire someone to take a look ? There has to be record somewhere of something that you can go on .. I cant even imagine what you are going through right now .. 

Good Luck!! :))

PinkParadox
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 12:09 AM
Just because her mom made some bad decisions, doesn't mean she doesn't have a right to know. I don't believe in covering for someone's lies, and I don't believe in deliberate ignorance.

Quoting rednaxelaym:

Quoting itsrtimedownher:

the number of people telling you to leave it alone hurts my heart. please don't listen to them. she's your sister. you share dna. you have a special bond even if you didn't know about it until now and she doesn't know yet. everyone needs their sister. avoiding a blip of drama in your and/or her life is not worth the regret of missing out on that kind of relationship.


blood alone does not make a sister. And, it isnt all about her. What if contacting this womqn destroys this womans life? I have several "siblings" and i would never want any of them to contact me. I have my family, the people who have loved me my entire life.
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Sweet_Carol_126
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2012 at 12:27 AM

if your brother is now grown, you can probably find him and may get to know one another. 

As to the child of the married woman, if yuour dad could share her name then you may be able to find the girl. the mother may not want her found.  And the laws are not so different anymore either.  Good luck.  It is not going to be an easy prospect.

Jami134
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 12:43 AM

How exactly is this a crime?

mnmo3bb
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 12:53 AM

*HUGS* Are you able to track her down? 

Zimmerchild
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 12:57 AM

You know, you could try some heritage sites, she may be looking for her dad as well. There is also craigslist, though you could get a lot of crazy with that. I hope things work out for you, I know what it's like to not have a good relationship with siblings and it breaks my heart.

ESF
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 12:58 AM
To me..there are TWO people responsible for telling the long lost sister where she came from. Your father OR her mother. It was their child. And it was their secret. I too Would be so curious, but don't feel it is your place to find her and tell her something that could truly destroy her life. I would consider trying to figure out who she is for MY OWN curiosity, and maybe see if I could get a glimpse of her on FB or something. But I would just do it to know for myself, not to contact her. If you MUST find her and do....I would hope you would contact her mother first. JMO. It's a tough one.
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Shalimariah
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 1:24 AM

It's obvious that her dad wants to tell her even if he didn't give her names.  IF he is still here then she should ask him for the names and promise to handle the situation delicately and possibly with an intermediary of some kind.  Meeting in a neutral place with her half sibling would be good as well if that can be arranged and if it's agreeable to the half sibling.  After all this time though it's not a given that they will become close or even like each other.  I think her dad just wanted to get it off his chest kind of thing.  Of course now that he has opened up the can of worms he should spill on the names and any contact information he might have.  The two can meet or not meet as they choose.  It's a hell of a bomb to drop on someone though.  Just try not to be upset if she doesn't want to meet or needs time to think about it.  Maybe there could be email at first to get aquainted?  The good stuff.. nothing too heavy or scary... no drama... because the whole by the way I am your half sister and your mom had an affair with my dad and you are the result is more than enough drama.  And if it was me... and I was the half sister via the affair.  I don't think I would want to know.  On the one hand there is this part of her that she doesn't know about and on the other hand there is this part of her that she doesn't know about.... but maybe that's ok.  If there are any chronic illnesses though than yeah...._maybe_.  But if not, then maybe it's better left alone.  Perhaps the poster could contact her own doctor and and explain the situation.  And if contact isn't made then maybe medical details could be passed on from her doctor to the other girls doctor as a just in case measure but really how would one go about doing that in a discreet manner?  Probably need a lawyer. but talking to the doctor would be a start to find out how to share medical information that may or may not affect the half sibling.  Good Luck!!!  Sounds like a huge mess.

kidcab
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 1:39 AM
Be prepared in case it was dementia and he mixed the facts. When my grandfather passed he told us a story if my grandmother cheating on him, but he prayed on it and orgav her, but he knew she continued to cheat thought their marriage. Turned out he had cheated and held guilt, but the dementia twisted it all up n his head. Good luck to you and my prayers are with you.
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