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As my daddys on his death bed he tells me I have a little sister.....

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Ok, so not little anymore. About 25 he says. He didn't give me names. Just told me a story of how when he and my mom got divorced he had an affaire with a married woman who was mad at her husband for getting a vasectomy after 2 kids. But then she went back to her husband and back then my father had no say to a married womans child. Even though she was his child too. He saw the baby twice then the family threatened his life. Now my Dad is so far gone after his stroke I have no more to go on. What can I do? This is a crime done to not only my Dad but to this girl and our whole family.
Edit: Just to add a little history. My parents divorce didn't go well. They ended up taking my yonger brother and I and splitting us up. Mom taking him, Dad me. So from 10 months old my brother didn't live with dad. From 2 years old I didn't live with mom. Our older brothers were able to choose as they were much older. My mom moved to MN from WI. My little brother never developed a real relationship with our father or I. So this happened to my father basically twice. I know it won't chanch things for him now. But knowing my siblings means so much too me.
My father had 2 strokes and is not going to last long. I think he's hanging on because of all this. His doctor has no clue how he's still alive. He's on hospice now but I wont do any more harm to this girl.
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 3:59 PM
Replies (121-130):
MicheleJM
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2012 at 12:25 PM
It may be the girl does know already. Op has to follow her conscience I guess but I would be very cautious about it.


Quoting PinkParadox:

The truth hurts sometimes, but everyone deserves it. The truth is not something anyone should decide for you. This girl is an adult, and she has every right to know. Period



Quoting MicheleJM:




Quoting PinkParadox:

I can't believe how many of you say let her live her life as a lie! Regardless of the reasoning, the truth is always better. Honesty is one of the first things we teach our children!! I would go into it as trying to get to know your sibling, don't try to "right" old wrongs.

I think people are saying it because in this instance the truth may do no good and in fact may do a lot of harm.  What good does it do her to discover her father isn't her biological dad?  In addition if the mother kept the affair from her husband it may tear up their marriage and for what?  Do I agree that she should have done that? No but I would approach it very cautiously.  If anything I would contact the mother and speak to her before I spoke to the half sister.  I think if the truth should come from anyone it should be the biological mother who tells it and not a stranger.  If the mother tells it she can  salvage the relationship with her daughter, whereas that may not be possible if the half sister hears that for all these years the mother lied. That's worse case scenario. Of course the mother may have been honest with the half sister and she herself has no interest in contacting her bio dad.  Myself I would give the information to the mother and say "Look I don't want to cause trouble but if my half sister wants to contact me, here it is".


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PinkParadox
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 1:12 PM
There is also the chance that she doesn't know, or is trying to find her other family as well. The point is, the girl is an adult. She has the right to decide if she wants to pursue a relationship or not.

Quoting rednaxelaym:

Quoting PinkParadox:


i dont believe in upsetting someones life, just because it would make me feel better. Plus, there is a good chance that this womman knows...and has known, but doesnt have the desire to meet her "family".
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Fyrestar68
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 1:21 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry about your dad's health. Try contacting The Locator, maybe he can help. Good luck and God bless you all.
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trulyblessed618
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2012 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this
A few people who have posted feel you could destroy your sister if she doesn't know the truth.....well I want you to know I feel that if she doesn't know and you tell her it would be who raised her that really destroyed her by not being honest.....that is your sister and you have every right to know her if she is willing..... My parents are divorced and it destroys my mother that I associate with my fathers other children but they are my blood and she is being selfish not I.
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mamamiajk
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:54 PM

If you know the childs given name...google it. It doesn't cost anything ans it's worth a try if u r serious. about finding more info.....Good Luck and I hope u find what u r looking for

JLS2388
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:56 PM

Quoting PinkParadox:

I can't believe how many of you say let her live her life as a lie! Regardless of the reasoning, the truth is always better. Honesty is one of the first things we teach our children!! I would go into it as trying to get to know your sibling, don't try to "right" old wrongs.

How would you feel finding out that the man you thought was your bio dad your whole life, wasn't AND the man who is, is dying so you won't even get to know him? It would be one thing if she could get to know her bio dad but that's not the case so just leave her alone
PinkParadox
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 3:21 PM
I'd be pissed that I was lied to. I'd be pissed that no one told me sooner. As an adult she has a right to know and decide. Period.

Quoting JLS2388:



Quoting PinkParadox:

I can't believe how many of you say let her live her life as a lie! Regardless of the reasoning, the truth is always better. Honesty is one of the first things we teach our children!! I would go into it as trying to get to know your sibling, don't try to "right" old wrongs.



How would you feel finding out that the man you thought was your bio dad your whole life, wasn't AND the man who is, is dying so you won't even get to know him? It would be one thing if she could get to know her bio dad but that's not the case so just leave her alone
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JLS2388
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 3:23 PM

Quoting PinkParadox:

I'd be pissed that I was lied to. I'd be pissed that no one told me sooner. As an adult she has a right to know and decide. Period.

Quoting JLS2388:



Quoting PinkParadox:

I can't believe how many of you say let her live her life as a lie! Regardless of the reasoning, the truth is always better. Honesty is one of the first things we teach our children!! I would go into it as trying to get to know your sibling, don't try to "right" old wrongs.



How would you feel finding out that the man you thought was your bio dad your whole life, wasn't AND the man who is, is dying so you won't even get to know him? It would be one thing if she could get to know her bio dad but that's not the case so just leave her alone

But if the OP tells her, the OP is making the choice.
supercarp
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 4:28 PM

Biology is not really that important; it's the relationships that count. This just shows how infidelity hurts innocent people.

PinkParadox
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 4:46 PM
Not true. The OP is reaching out. If the girl doesn't want to know her, then that's that.

Quoting JLS2388:



Quoting PinkParadox:

I'd be pissed that I was lied to. I'd be pissed that no one told me sooner. As an adult she has a right to know and decide. Period.



Quoting JLS2388:




Quoting PinkParadox:

I can't believe how many of you say let her live her life as a lie! Regardless of the reasoning, the truth is always better. Honesty is one of the first things we teach our children!! I would go into it as trying to get to know your sibling, don't try to "right" old wrongs.





How would you feel finding out that the man you thought was your bio dad your whole life, wasn't AND the man who is, is dying so you won't even get to know him? It would be one thing if she could get to know her bio dad but that's not the case so just leave her alone



But if the OP tells her, the OP is making the choice.
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