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As my daddys on his death bed he tells me I have a little sister.....

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Ok, so not little anymore. About 25 he says. He didn't give me names. Just told me a story of how when he and my mom got divorced he had an affaire with a married woman who was mad at her husband for getting a vasectomy after 2 kids. But then she went back to her husband and back then my father had no say to a married womans child. Even though she was his child too. He saw the baby twice then the family threatened his life. Now my Dad is so far gone after his stroke I have no more to go on. What can I do? This is a crime done to not only my Dad but to this girl and our whole family.
Edit: Just to add a little history. My parents divorce didn't go well. They ended up taking my yonger brother and I and splitting us up. Mom taking him, Dad me. So from 10 months old my brother didn't live with dad. From 2 years old I didn't live with mom. Our older brothers were able to choose as they were much older. My mom moved to MN from WI. My little brother never developed a real relationship with our father or I. So this happened to my father basically twice. I know it won't chanch things for him now. But knowing my siblings means so much too me.
My father had 2 strokes and is not going to last long. I think he's hanging on because of all this. His doctor has no clue how he's still alive. He's on hospice now but I wont do any more harm to this girl.
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 3:59 PM
Replies (131-140):
PinkParadox
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 4:46 PM
Not true. The OP is reaching out. If the girl doesn't want to know her, then that's that.

Quoting JLS2388:



Quoting PinkParadox:

I'd be pissed that I was lied to. I'd be pissed that no one told me sooner. As an adult she has a right to know and decide. Period.



Quoting JLS2388:




Quoting PinkParadox:

I can't believe how many of you say let her live her life as a lie! Regardless of the reasoning, the truth is always better. Honesty is one of the first things we teach our children!! I would go into it as trying to get to know your sibling, don't try to "right" old wrongs.





How would you feel finding out that the man you thought was your bio dad your whole life, wasn't AND the man who is, is dying so you won't even get to know him? It would be one thing if she could get to know her bio dad but that's not the case so just leave her alone



But if the OP tells her, the OP is making the choice.
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shellyplatz
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 7:40 PM

If you want to know you should find out, I don't agree with people telling you to let it go. You have a right to know your own sister!

vinalex0581
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 11:12 PM

i wish she would answer me.

=D

i'd like to know what her thoughts are on this..........

Quoting mom2twinboyz:

Quoting vinalex0581:

ok....if he's so far gone then how do you know he's not just saying this because.....well.......he's "so far gone"?




Good point!


ScrChk23
by Amanda on Aug. 1, 2012 at 10:33 AM

 I'm sorry.  I hope you get to meet her one day.

thickerthan
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 1:58 PM
Ok, vindalex, I know my Dad and he wouldn't just tell me something like this even if he was out of it at that point. By the time he was taken in he was too far gone to give the TPA to get the blood clot out. I was with him before that, we knew something was wrong so he wss seriously afraid of dieing with this secret. He told me I had a sister that he made right after my parents divorce which was in August of 1984. So depending on how soon she would have been born in 86-87. If you know anything about strokes a person who go's untreated with TPA within the first six hours of the onset of symptoms will most likely keep having strokes due to the blood clot in their brain. Wile waiting for the ambulance my Dad was still mostly with it and able to tell me what he needed to. But before he could give me any more information than he did his blood pressure went way up, his heart rate was tacci and all over the place and he could only talk of the pain. Seeing him now hes blind in one eye, unable to remember names, can barely talk, though the SpTh gets him to sing. Opposite sides of the brain! He barely remembers me, confuses me with his mother or mine, which is sometimes bad cause he gets mad that I'm there. He's my Dads shell but not his soul. I wouldn't take this woman to meet him now if I did find her. If I decide to it won't be untill he passes away and it will be be between her and I. At this point if it is true. Your right I have more investigating but I have no reason to doubt my dad. I don't feel her parents have the right to stand between her and I. Yes, the husband found out. Her whole family knew. They threatened my father to stay away, even acting on it as papers I found seem to show. I think I havr the name of an uncle in a police report filed. He was questioned in a fire that was thought to be arson at my dads home back then. No one was ever convicted but several people were questioned. I may have a leed plus I'm going to ask my stepmom as soon as things settle down with my dad. All she's said so far is it's not a lie. She's been married to my Dad for 23 years.
thickerthan
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:08 PM
Quoting PinkieRed:


the stepdad and family knew and threated my dad. This much I've found out. My Dad also said he thought the woman was leaving her husband for him couse he got fixed after two kids. Turned out she just did if to spite her husband and have another baby. What if the stepdad treated her like crap? I could get her away from them and give her at least a loving sister who wants her around.
PinkieRed
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:32 PM
Maybe he did treat her badly, maybe he didn't.

My oldest brother's ex wife cheated on him a few years into their relationship, before they married (she says it was during a time they were broken up, he says she cheated). She already had a son from a previous relationship when she met my brother, and my brother was raising her son like his own kid.

In any case, she got pregnant by the other guy, she and and my brother stayed together, and my brother raised the second kid, a boy, as his own son. They got married a few years later, and had a bio son together.

My brother never treated his two stepsons any differently than his bio son. He was/is a great dad to all 3, even after his divorce from their mom many years ago. In fact, my brother even got legal custody of his second stepson and his bio son, several years ago, as his ex-wife was doing a lousy job taking care of them on her own.

His two stepsons are now 24 and 20, and my brother is the only father they've known, and he's always treated them like his own kids. His second oldest stepson and his bio son live with him and his current wife, and his two stepsons both work for him in the business he owns.

I found out as an adult that one of my aunts, my dad's younger sister, was actually only his half sister. My dad said his mom had an affair with a neighbor, and got pregnant, and his dad knew, but still raised the girl as his own child. There was no DNA testing back then, as this was in the 1940's, but his dad knew the girl was not his bio child, as he was white, and the neighbor was black, and my aunt came out looking mixed race. She was still raised as my dad's sister though, and in fact, my grandparents always treated my aunts, including the half sister, much better than my dad.

So, I think it's entirely possible that your half sister was just as loved by her stepdad as were his bio children, even if he knew she wasn't actually his bio child.

Edit to add: ultimately it's your decision about trying to find your sister. But, I wouldn't go into it assuming that she will welcome you with open arms, if she doesn't know the truth about her parentage. Or maybe she does know, but her mom and stepdad told her that her bio dad wanted nothing to do with her. Who knows at this point? If you find her and do contact her, I think it would be best to keep your expectations low, in case things don't turn out like you're hoping.


Quoting thickerthan:

Quoting PinkieRed:


the stepdad and family knew and threated my dad. This much I've found out. My Dad also said he thought the woman was leaving her husband for him couse he got fixed after two kids. Turned out she just did if to spite her husband and have another baby. What if the stepdad treated her like crap? I could get her away from them and give her at least a loving sister who wants her around.
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flowersmama
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 4:30 PM

if it were me id want to know my siblings

thickerthan
by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Quoting lovinmy3girlies:

Mayb your mother or one of his friends would know something. I'm sure they talked about you afterwards, mayb he mentioned a name?

Things are still so crazy with my Dad having his stroke. My stepmom has been taking care of him at home now cause she refuses to put him in a home. I am looking for nursing help to come to their home to help. My SM hasn't said anything other than it's true that he has another daughter. I think she still believes my dads going to wake up and be ok. So the secrets are staying secrets until he passes or I dig up info on my own.
thickerthan
by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 3:54 PM
Quoting PinkParadox:


IF I don't tell her then who will? How can she make a choice about something if she knows nothing about it?
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