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As my daddys on his death bed he tells me I have a little sister.....

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Ok, so not little anymore. About 25 he says. He didn't give me names. Just told me a story of how when he and my mom got divorced he had an affaire with a married woman who was mad at her husband for getting a vasectomy after 2 kids. But then she went back to her husband and back then my father had no say to a married womans child. Even though she was his child too. He saw the baby twice then the family threatened his life. Now my Dad is so far gone after his stroke I have no more to go on. What can I do? This is a crime done to not only my Dad but to this girl and our whole family.
Edit: Just to add a little history. My parents divorce didn't go well. They ended up taking my yonger brother and I and splitting us up. Mom taking him, Dad me. So from 10 months old my brother didn't live with dad. From 2 years old I didn't live with mom. Our older brothers were able to choose as they were much older. My mom moved to MN from WI. My little brother never developed a real relationship with our father or I. So this happened to my father basically twice. I know it won't chanch things for him now. But knowing my siblings means so much too me.
My father had 2 strokes and is not going to last long. I think he's hanging on because of all this. His doctor has no clue how he's still alive. He's on hospice now but I wont do any more harm to this girl.
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 3:59 PM
Replies (141-149):
PinkParadox
by on Aug. 2, 2012 at 4:15 PM


Quoting thickerthan:

Quoting PinkParadox:


IF I don't tell her then who will? How can she make a choice about something if she knows nothing about it?

Why are you quoting me...all my replies indicate that you should contact her.

thickerthan
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 12:53 AM
Quoting PinkParadox:


sorry I meant it for the reply under yours! The one that said to leave it to my sister to make the choice. I was just going through them too quickly. Thanks for calling me on this! I do plan to find her but not introduce my father to her. He's too far gone to put either through it if he's still living.. I will make sure to take a full DNA sample Kit from my Dad before he dies with a noninterest party to sign that they saw me take the samples from him. Along with my own and the girls we should be able to verify paternity.
thickerthan
by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 1:50 AM
Quoting itsrtimedownher:

the number of people telling you to leave it alone hurts my heart. please don't listen to them. she's your sister. you share dna. you have a special bond even if you didn't know about it until now and she doesn't know yet. everyone needs their sister. avoiding a blip of drama in your and/or her life is not worth the regret of missing out on that kind of relationship.


It's hurting me too. Our family is so spread out now and none of us talk. It would mean the world to me if she wanted or needrd to be accepted by me. I'm letting things cool down now. I don't want to seem like im digging for money or a new will around his house. My SM are close so I don't want to confuse or hurt her. She's still in shock about the whole stroke thing and thinks he's going to get over this. But I've been in the medical feild for 13 years anf I've never seen someone as bad off as him come out of it. There's allot more complicated things I'm going to be dealing with now. I would rather get those out of the way before I hunt this girl down. I think what her mother did was cruel, just like my own mom keeping my little brother from me. Now my kids are being put through a similar situation. My 9,7,4 year olds are from my first marriage. Their BF hasn't seen them since Nov. 22, 2010. Not by my choice. He took off to CA. Kept getting into trouble. I've been on first name basis with his PO and now his worker at the prison he's at. I've asked them to try to enstill in him the father and child bonding. Teach him the right ways to parent and be around for his kids. Yet he swears up n down he's never had kids or wives. I'm his first wife he's still married to the second. He beats her she beats him they are both over the edge. I have full custody with no parenting time for him but I always hope he will.turn around someday.
I have married since then. He had a daughter 3 Weeks after. We took her into our home before knowing the paternity results. Her BM had minimal involvement the whole first year. Was convicted of abandonment, endangerment & gross neglect. Her choice was give up hrr rights and get ten years probation or have her rights taken and spend ten years in prison.
so DD was 7 1/2 months old when her BM signed away her rights. The state took temporary legal custody and the judge gave DH and I temporary physical. The judge asked me what I would like to see out of this. I told him that I wanted my DD. I wanted her to be legally mine. So after home inspections, sych evals & all types of things and papers. Dd was finally my DD at 11months 1 week & 3 days! The girl I had raised for 9months 2Weeks 5days was mine.
We keep her involved with her half sister. Who lives with the grandparents.
So finding my sister is just as important as all that. I am sad that she won't know our dad.
CarolynC71
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 1:43 AM

If I understand correctly he never told you her name. If that is the case you may have trouble finding this girl. What you can do is talk to friends and relatives of your father to see if anyone knows anything about this. (He may have told a friend or one of his siblings.) You also need to figure out where this happened too. You do need to realize that no one may have know about her. Or they may not know her name or at least her last name. Please understand that you could get lucky and find her. However you may not. Don't be too disappointed if you can't get enough information to ever find her.

thickerthan
by on Oct. 25, 2012 at 4:36 PM
UPDATE:
My dad called me and told me everything. My sisters name, her mom and dads name. The thing about it is, I've had a picture of my half sisters siblings for months and thought it was another old girlfriends kids. I knew this family when I was little. I have pictures of the parents and I. I now have letters that the mom wrote to my dad saying how she loved him and she wanted a baby with him.
Well she sure fooled him. But I have no sympathy for my father either. If he wanted to know his daughter he should have done something about it when she was born.
I did contact her. She's 24 and happily married. She looks like me. Her parents never told her. When I told her I approached it as a possibility. Told her all that I knew and she denied it at first. Then a few days later came back and sent a message apologized and said she had asked her sister if it was true. Her sister remembered my dad and said it could be a possiblity. Then she confronted her mom, she changed the subject and never answered her question. My half sister then went to confront her mom in person. Her mom said my dad had brain washed her, kidnapped and raped her but it was never reported and she didnt admit he was the father.
With all of this I believe she's my sister but I do not know whose story I believe. I as a woman would report a rape. I certainly wouldn't have visited my rapist several times after it. Yet my father never claimed the child though he had the letters to prove the affair. My sister doesn't know what to think but is close to her family and that comes first.
I told her I would not tell my father anything about what I know and I will respect any decision she makes. I do want to meet her but she's been lied to and kept from the truth so long I wont do anything unless she wants to. She's the victim in all of this and deserves the respect and truth. I filled her in on medical history she would need if she is my half sister and said I will be here for her no matter what. I also told her if she ever wanted a DNA test I would help with it. This poor womans life has been turned upside down I feel guilty for it and have apologized profusely for it. I'm disgusted with all the adults in this situation. I can't change or know for sure what happened in the past but it's out now and can never be changed. All I can do is go forward and be here for her like a big sister should. Even if she's not I still can never go back to my normal life thinking she will just be ok. I do feel so bad.
thickerthan
by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 12:04 PM
Quoting nuts4scouts:

Can you afford a private investigator?

Other than that, with so little to go on there is not a lot you can do. 


Once I had her moms name I found her on facebook.
missym31
by Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 12:07 PM

Ask your dad for the name of the woman he was with and go from there.. Other than that I dont know..


HAPPY FALL YA'LL!!!

alyssaT325
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 12:56 PM
I am sorry about your Dad's ill health. I suspect there is nothing you can do unless you find something in his papers. wonder if anybody in your family remembers the womans name that he dated
thickerthan
by on Oct. 29, 2012 at 12:57 PM
My step mom confirmed all of it. Yes, my father is not quite with it but he's hanging on. It's been almost 3six months now and he's hanging on. He had 2 strokes. One was older and he didn't know about it. This one went undiagnosed for 2 days. They did an MRI on the 2nd day and treated him. Now he's in hospice. He is half blind, slurs his words and his short term memory is very bad. He does have his long term memory. I've sat with him as he talks about her. He remembers her as a baby in great detail.
I have found my sister. My fathers nurse helped him call me and he told me her name and everything else. I found her that same day. I did alot of soul searching after I found out her mothers side of the story. She claimed my father brainwashed, kidnapped and raped her.
Now Ive of course known my father all my life but sometimes you don't see the real person. However I seriously doubt that this is the truth. I believe there's much more to this than either are choosing to tell us.
My sister is choosing to not meet our father. That's her right and I will respect that. I believe my father should have done something about it when she was born. I believe if the mothers side is true she should have reported it. So both are at fault and this poor woman is the only victim. She will never know her biological father. She missed out on being around her paternal family, brothers, myself and others who would welcome her with open arms.
She knows now that we are here for her. I have chatted with her and we may meet once everything cools down. A paternity test can be done if she wants. I had the hospital take my dads blood and mouth swabs to save his DNA. It's safe in a lab storage.
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