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As my daddys on his death bed he tells me I have a little sister.....

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Ok, so not little anymore. About 25 he says. He didn't give me names. Just told me a story of how when he and my mom got divorced he had an affaire with a married woman who was mad at her husband for getting a vasectomy after 2 kids. But then she went back to her husband and back then my father had no say to a married womans child. Even though she was his child too. He saw the baby twice then the family threatened his life. Now my Dad is so far gone after his stroke I have no more to go on. What can I do? This is a crime done to not only my Dad but to this girl and our whole family.
Edit: Just to add a little history. My parents divorce didn't go well. They ended up taking my yonger brother and I and splitting us up. Mom taking him, Dad me. So from 10 months old my brother didn't live with dad. From 2 years old I didn't live with mom. Our older brothers were able to choose as they were much older. My mom moved to MN from WI. My little brother never developed a real relationship with our father or I. So this happened to my father basically twice. I know it won't chanch things for him now. But knowing my siblings means so much too me.
My father had 2 strokes and is not going to last long. I think he's hanging on because of all this. His doctor has no clue how he's still alive. He's on hospice now but I wont do any more harm to this girl.
by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 3:59 PM
Replies (91-100):
itsrtimedownher
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 10:17 PM
1 mom liked this

the number of people telling you to leave it alone hurts my heart. please don't listen to them.

she's your sister. you share dna. you have a special bond even if you didn't know about it until now and she doesn't know yet.

everyone needs their sister.

avoiding a blip of drama in your and/or her life is not worth the regret of missing out on that kind of relationship.

burleymama
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 10:21 PM

When I married my Husband, he had a daughter from a previous marriage.  We would pick her up on weekends, and she would stay at our house.  We had a daughter, and they were together until the older one graduated HS.  She moved to Texas, and we only saw her a couple of times, after that.  She has never set eyes, on her Sister's children, and when her Father passed away, she never even sent a sympathy card.  My Husband always wondered what he did, beside divorce her Mother, and remarry me.  We now have no contact with her, and I will not make any more effort, to try to contact her.  If she takes the first step, to reach us, I will always be here for her.  I might try a newspaper ad, in the town where she might live.  If her Mother, went back to her husband, this person may have her bio. Father's name on her birth certificate.  Remember she can find you, just as well, as you finding her.  If she is not aware of the situation, I would let it remain, my own little secret.

PinkieRed
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 10:29 PM
I agree with this.

I have an adopted older sister - my parents adopted her as a baby. She's nearly 50 now, and has never had any interest in finding her bio family.

Her bio mom died during childbirth, and neither her bio dad (her mom was a teen and unmarried) or any other family members came to claim her, so she went into foster care with my parents, who then adopted her.

She says our parents and me and our other siblings are her family, period, and that's all that matters.


Quoting rednaxelaym:

Who cares? Your dad wont get time with her now, and she is a stranger to you and you to her. You havent missed out on anything as you didnt know until now that she even exists. I dont get why people get so hung up on blood when these people have never been in your life.
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bbmkfo03
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 10:32 PM

 Oh wow, sorry to hear about your dad. IDK what I would do in that situation. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

BaBeezandMe
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 10:38 PM

I am sorry about your dads illness.  Maybe a Private Investigator can help??

rednaxelaym
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 10:39 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting itsrtimedownher:

the number of people telling you to leave it alone hurts my heart. please don't listen to them. she's your sister. you share dna. you have a special bond even if you didn't know about it until now and she doesn't know yet. everyone needs their sister. avoiding a blip of drama in your and/or her life is not worth the regret of missing out on that kind of relationship.


blood alone does not make a sister. And, it isnt all about her. What if contacting this womqn destroys this womans life? I have several "siblings" and i would never want any of them to contact me. I have my family, the people who have loved me my entire life.
Lithale
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 10:41 PM
1 mom liked this

Sharing DNA does not guarantee a special bond.I am surprised at the number of people that would barge in to this strangers life and possibly turn it upside down because they have some preconceived idea about how a sibling relationship should be.

I grew up with several siblings,I haven't spoken to two of them in years.One is just a jerk and the other,we just dont have anything in common. I feel no bond with either and never have.DNA is not everything.

Quoting itsrtimedownher:

the number of people telling you to leave it alone hurts my heart. please don't listen to them.

she's your sister. you share dna. you have a special bond even if you didn't know about it until now and she doesn't know yet.

everyone needs their sister.

avoiding a blip of drama in your and/or her life is not worth the regret of missing out on that kind of relationship.


Uzma_mom_of_2
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:13 PM

He can't give you her name? Maybe your mom might know, sometimes the find out things like that.

-Cindyloo-
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:13 PM

Ok, so I have NO personal experience with this, but it would seem to me that you have three ways to look at this situation.  I know that some of this has been mentioned before - please excuse any repetitions in my reply.

1. Your dad told you about it.  So, clearly it was something that he didn't want to keep "secret" anymore.  I'm not sure that you need to concern yourself with his motives.  He told you, now what do you do with the information for yourself?

2. What is your motivation?  To bring to justice to a long lost family "crime"?  That *might* not be the most openhearted way to look at this, since it can include a lot of negative feelings like: jealousy, betrayal, dishonesty.  If your motivation is to FIND this half sibling come hell or high water, then hire a private investigator.  Unless handled discreetly, this method could fail to take into account her (or her parents) feelings or current place in life. If the family is found, it could start the relationship off rather acrimoniously. Or, maybe everything will be fine if it can be handled very discreetly so as not to ruffle any feathers of people you don't even know, yet.

3.  Another method **might** be to see if she could be looking for you all.  There are many Adoption Database Registries.  YES, YOU KNOW THAT SHE WASN'T ADOPTED BY THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND,  BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE KNOWS, AND THESE SERVICES CAN WORK IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS TO FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE LOST (or lost touch with) AS BABIES (plus, who knows what her birth certificate really says?).  In her eyes (if she was ever told anything), she might feel that she was rejected by her birth father and could be looking to these services for answers.  The fact is, the marriage was in trouble (otherwise the affair wouldn't have happened), it's not inconceivable that some form of the truth may have come out over the years.  You could consider signing up with the appropriate information and see what happens, maybe she will come to you...  More surprising things have happened before...

In reality, none of us really knows what you are going through. These are just ideas and opinions and it is up to you to determine if acting on this information is in your best interest.  Whatever you do, it will work out.  I think we all wish you only the best with your father and family.


LadyNCVE
by Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:37 PM
I'd want to meet her too! Best of luck finding your sister!
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