So DH and I are finally ready to start TTC. I think, hahaha.
What's really holding me back though, well, there are a few things, but right now what's on my mind is having the baby alone. He is military, so there's a good chance he won't be aroud when the baby's born. Nothing's planned, but that can change at any time and short of waiting until he's out, which will be WAY too late, we just have to deal with it if it happens. I also don't have any friends or family who are local. Or even that would be willing to come here and help.
I've looked into hiring a doula, but still - will I be able to drive while I'm in labor? How about drive home afterwards? Will I feel well enough to cook for myself immediately after I have the baby? What if I have complications and the baby doesn't, who will take care of it? Will it end up in foster care until I can? Those are the big things I'm thinking about. Just don't want to get myself in a situation I can't handle alone, ya know?
I'd encourage you to work on finding a support group of some type so that you do have people to lean on just in case. I'm not sure what groups the military offers that you might be able to get involved in, but I know a few friends have found some support that route. There are also MOPS programs, or other things like that in the community. Good luck on TTC!
Pregnancy group
Do you go to a church or other place of worship? They could probably provide a support network--I work for a church, and it's full of middle-aged and retired ladies who would love nothing more than to come take care of a new mother and a hold a newborn while you sleep! :)
In terms of a doula--if you have the money, I would definitely recommend it. I didn't have a birth doula, but we had a post-partum doula for six weeks after our daughter was born and it made a huge, huge difference. We didn't have any family nearby and I had a difficult labor, with a recovery that took it out of me a lot more than I expected.
One thing that I did that really helped was to make a lot of freezer meals at the end of my pregnancy. You're not going to want to be trying to cook meals or go to the grocery store when you're recovering from labor, so if you can get some meals in the freezer that will really help. Also, a lot of grocery stores will deliver, and it's either free or very inexpensive, surprisingly. You can set up a thing to have your groceries delivered in the first couple of weeks, until you're healed enough to drive to the store and feel comfortable leaving your baby with someone for an hour.
It's good that you're thinking of all these things. I'm sorry I don't have any better advice, but good luck! And please thank your husband for his service and sacrifice for me!
I was already planning on hiring a doula for the birth - maybe even if he's home- but what's a post-partum doula?
I go to church, but no support there - no one is really friendly. No support from the military either. No, that's not the way it should be, but it's the way it is.
You might try joining a La leche League in your area - they are generally super friendly - if a bit wacky. Even if you don't plan on breast-feeding (I would encourage you to try) - just don't tell anyone thought, if you want to use bottles. They might treat you like a republican at a democratic convention.
You definitely will do better with a support system. You could manage alone, but you shouldn't have to.
There are MOMS clubs in most areas: Mothers Offering Mothers Support. This is an exclusive club- they do NOT let stay-home daddies join, or grandmas who take care of grandkids, or babysitters. It is for MOMS only.
If you want help finding other possibilities for support groups, let us know your area and we can google for you.
If your church is not friendly, what about finding another church? Or speak with your minister/priest/rabbi whatever privately, and maybe he will know a few friendly women who will be good for you. Or maybe the church already has a group of women whose ministry is to help young moms, like a Rachel Project or something.
http://raisingcreativechildren.com/nail-biting/
If you plan for a home birth, you don't have to worry about the drive (the midwife will drive you if you need to go to the hospital for some actual medical reason)... and taxis are generally available (so are friends and family)...
Avoiding the hospital will also take you out of the 30% change of surgical birth (because everyone gets paid more for those, so they pretty much arrange them as often as they can manage)... which will make your recovery easier.
You can spend your pregnancy getting ready for the first month or so after birth (food made in meal portions, in the freezer, saving up for a little more delivery food, etc.) and you can hire household help so you can use your energy wisely as you recover (taking care of your body and the baby, getting enough rest, while someone else does the housekeeping and cooking)...
These are all really good ideas.
Quoting gacgbaker:I'd encourage you to work on finding a support group of some type so that you do have people to lean on just in case. I'm not sure what groups the military offers that you might be able to get involved in, but I know a few friends have found some support that route. There are also MOPS programs, or other things like that in the community. Good luck on TTC!
A post-partum doula is someone who's there to basically "mother the mother" immediately after birth. Our helped us with baby care until we felt confident enough to do it on our own, helped me get breastfeeding off to a good start, did some light cleaning, and also took the baby for a few hours here and there so I could get some uninterrupted sleep. Honestly, she was a godsend. She wasn't cheap--$25 an hour, and she was on the inexpensive end since she was just getting started--but she came a few mornings a week for the first month or so and it was incredibly helpful just to have her support and know that she was coming in the morning if we had a rough night.
Where do you live? There's a website called doulamatch.com that might cover your area.
Quoting texasgirl20:I was already planning on hiring a doula for the birth - maybe even if he's home- but what's a post-partum doula?
I go to church, but no support there - no one is really friendly. No support from the military either. No, that's not the way it should be, but it's the way it is.
Maybe start getting to know your neighbors. If you went into labor while he's gone call 911. I'm sure the hospital on post would know of good support groups.
Too young for "the talk"????
- texasgirl20
on Jul. 29, 2012 at 11:27 PM