SO broke up with me 2 days ago. It wasn't that unexpected but at the same time I don't understand why he did it. I get that he's stressed from being so far behind on bills because he can't find a real job because of his illness but I was the only one there to help him and he pushed me and LO away.
I feel so lost and lonely. I literally have no one except LO and my parents. I need to get away and I can't. I have no distractions. I work and come home and take care of LO. I live with my parents and they won't even let me just go in my room by myself for 10 minutes just to cry. Everything's so bottled up now. SO won't talk to me at all. I'm honestly afraid he's going to do something to himself because of his depression. He's always kind of hinted around it. I don't even know where he is so I can't even prevent anything from happening.
I feel really sad but at the same time I try to make myself hate him. Just the small little things. Like my birthday was last Sunday. We went out, he didn't have any money, which I understand, but he told me he made me a card. Turns out, he just said it to make me feel better. There was never a card. He always told me we'd hang out for the day but end up not texting or calling me for hours while I wait for the three of us to hang out.
I just can't do this on my own. I can't raise a baby on my own. I can't mentally or financially handle it on my own. I need to get out every once in a while and I can't. I'm going back to college in 3 weeks but I know I'll never make friends because the campus is an hour away and I'd never be able to see anyone except class. I'm about to have a serious break down and there's just nothing I can do about anything going on.