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Potty training a 4 year old.....

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:34 PM
  • 17 Replies

My 4 year old won't potty train! He does just fine for urine, but he still poops in his pants about 75% of the time. I am so tired of changing poopy underwear its not even funny. I always seem to to get shit on my hands somehow. He already did a year at preschool and he never did poop in the toilet there either. He only peed in the potty like 3 times and then started holding it until I picked him up. A few times his teacher had to change his underwear for him. I am going to be enrolling him in a different school because we moved and they said they will enroll him even if he isn't fully potty trained but that we needed to keep teaching him. But I don't know what they will do if he poops himself. I don't have a car and walking to the school to change him would take like 20 minutes. I shouldn't have to be changing shitty pants on a 4 year old! But most of the time when I try to get him to sit on the potty he doesn't want to and if if I try and make him he throws a fit. Forcing him won't do any good because even if I hold him there on the toilet he isn't going to poop. When he poops his pants and I have to force him to be changed I have to drag him into the bathroom with him kicking and hitting me the whole way. He would love it if I were to just let him walk around with poopy pants but I can't do that. Help! He starts at his new school on the 15th.

by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pixiejlynn
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:42 PM
My lil girl is going to beb4 and i have the same issue#!! She usd to pee constantly on the potty now no5hing!! Her dr says just let h34 go at her own pace but she doesnt buy diapers! So i need help too ur not alone
KelliStars
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:47 PM

I will grant, my son was younger.. but he became fully potty trained once I had him clean up after himself. He was great during the day most of the time, but not at night. I made the mistake of using pull ups.

I finally put him in regular undies. Well he had an accident one night. So, BY HIMSELF, I had him take off his clothes, get washed up and cleaned up - he had to continue to clean until I SAID he was clean. He had to take the bedding off the bed and put his clothes and bedding in the washer, put in the soap (I measureed & held him up) and turn it on. When the clothes were done washing, he had to put them in the dryer and turn it on. When they were done drying, he had to make his bed and put away the clean clothes. ONLY THEN was he allowed to go back to sleep. 

That was the last accident he had. 

CoeyG
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:13 AM

My daughter was potty trained during the day by the time she was three but would have occasional accidents so I kept her in diapers at night.  Some mornings she got up and the diaper was dry, some morenings it would be wet.  By the time she was 4 1/2 she was getting up in the middle of the night going to the bathroom, taking off her diaper to do so herself and putting it back on.  When she started doing this she got to wear udies to bed.  And if she had an accident after that I did the sheets and I helped her clean up.  Everyone has accidents even grown ups.  I wasn't going to punish my child for something caused my Mother Nature.  Also soda should be a definate no no for small children.  The term "soda" comes from the word sodium, sodium is salt.  Also the bicobonate in soda causes gas.  So when you fill a child's bladder with soda you have the retention of urine during the day topped with the gas in soda and at night when the bladder relaxes, wet sheets.  

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 1:47 AM

With dd we just went at her pace since she has a very strong will.  She was able to pee first and then for pooping she would let us know when she needed a diaper.  We then had her empty the diaper into the toilet and she would flush.  It progress then to using the potty chair and we would have her help us empty that out as well. It took about 2 weeks that way and she pooped on the toilet with the help of a potty seat since her rear is too small for toilet seat.  We never had poopy pants unless she is sick and has a true accident.

emmy526
by Silver Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 7:20 AM

So quit changing it, and make HIM do it himself..after a few times, he might get sick of having to clean up his own behind/mess, and mite start using the toilet like he should be doing.   If he refuses to be changed, tell him to go to his room until he is, cuz no one wants to smell him.  mealtime?-he can eat when he changes his pants...playtime?-he can play when he changes his pants....start taking away some of the 'big boy' priveledges he has until he complies...

has he been checked out for any type of bowel disorder?  

Quote:

I am so tired of changing poopy underwear its not even funny. I always seem to to get shit on my hands somehow. 

signingmama2915
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 11:12 AM
That was going to be my suggestion, have him do it all. Change himsef, clean the laundry from it, etc. with your help.

A professor in child psychology i tooka class from always saif this was the best way to deal with bathroom issues in older children. Also don't make a big deal about it or anything.


Quoting KelliStars:

I will grant, my son was younger.. but he became fully potty trained once I had him clean up after himself. He was great during the day most of the time, but not at night. I made the mistake of using pull ups.

I finally put him in regular undies. Well he had an accident one night. So, BY HIMSELF, I had him take off his clothes, get washed up and cleaned up - he had to continue to clean until I SAID he was clean. He had to take the bedding off the bed and put his clothes and bedding in the washer, put in the soap (I measureed & held him up) and turn it on. When the clothes were done washing, he had to put them in the dryer and turn it on. When they were done drying, he had to make his bed and put away the clean clothes. ONLY THEN was he allowed to go back to sleep. 

That was the last accident he had. 

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FlyingMommy747
by Silver Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 11:18 AM

I agree on having him clean himself up.  Granted my DD was 3.25 when finally got it, but that is what I had her do.  Then one day, she pooped, and I was busy so I left her in it for about 15 minutes (I know disgusting!), then had her clean herself up, and then I threw her in the shower, which she hated. 

The next day she pooped in the potty, and hasn't missed since!

LoreleiSieja
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 1:06 PM

I agree with the comments posted so far, but would like to throw out a few more things to consider.

Many times when a child has problems with "poopy potty training" it can be a sign of sexual abuse.  Was there ever a time when this might have happened, or do you see any other signs or symptoms? 

Other things that can cause fecal soiling include - believe it or not - constipation.  Constipation can cause "leaking" from higher up the intestines, and the bm can become too hard to pass, so that it is painful. 

When an older child (over 3 1/2) is still having potty training issues, and there is no neurological reason (he's not disabled), then you should begin with a doctor visit to rule out any physical reason.

Here's a good way to "poopy train" the older child at home - begin with an enema to clean him out completely - this helps especially with constipation.  Next, give him a mild laxative and put a little mineral oil around the anus.  This will make it impossible for him to "hold it in".  At first, this will increase soiling, but you need to get him into the habit of having a bm every day, and not holding back. 

Create a "potty schedule" and take him to the potty several times a day at about the same times every day.  If he is afraid of the toilet, get a toilet seat insert, or a potty chair.  (Thanks to "Finding Nemo" more and more children are terrified of toilets!).  Praise him for SITTING on the potty, even if he doesn't do anything.

You must focus on his SUCCESS and ignore failure!  At first, success would be just coming in to the bathroom with you.  Later, success is sitting on the potty with his pants down.  Even when he does poop on the potty regularly, continue to focus on success and ignore failure.  Sometimes children do negative things to get our attention.  Focus only on good behavior, and you will see more of it. 

Dealing with toilet training the older child is exhausting, disgusting, and disheartening.  We all think our four-year-olds should be toilet trained, and maybe feel like failures as parents if they are not.  It is important to know that this problem actually has a name:

Encopresis!  And you will need the help and support of a caring pediatrician or gastroenterologist.

Now that you know the name of the problem, you can probably google for more suggestions, as well.

As for the sexual abuse suggestion, he would usually have a lot of really strange behaviors, as well.  It is not uncommon for the abused child to not only poop their pants, but then to smear it on the walls.  ew!  So, see your doctor first, and I wish you all the best of luck in helping your child.


http://raisingcreativechildren.com/nail-biting/


LindaClement
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 1:09 PM

This is extremely normal.

There are physiological developments that are necessary before he can learn this, and you can't 'make' them go faster than they will. You can, on the other hand, 'make' a tremendous mess of his bowels by creating stress around it.

Children (humans) who do not toilet use diapers --in order to keep the upholstery clean, actually, not because it's 'better'.

What the school needs from him is deveopmentally-inappropriate for him. This is a sign that he is not ready yet.

AmiJanell
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 2:06 PM

I'm assuming he's developmentallynormal (or you would have said otherwise) and he's just being stubborn about it...

If it were my son I would make him clean up his own pants (with guidance of coarse) but every time he pooped I would make him go and get cleaned up, rinse his undies, put them in the wash...  and clean up any other mess he made in the process.... I think he would see it would get a little old.

I would also require that he poop... you can't force him to sit there, but you can make things pretty darn boring until he goes!!  We used to have to make my son go... not because he pooped his pants, but because he struggled so bad with constipation that going daily was a requirement.  He put up a stink a lot of the time.... but until he went there were no toys, no cartoons, no playing outside... pretty much all he could do was sit around and do NOTHING.

I think you just have to lay down the law and stick to it......

If he does have some kind of delay, I guess I would talk to his pediatrician about what would be the most appropriate approach.

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