issues with child's father...

 Think about the future, what your son deserves and what in the best interest.

If you think he will not ever be there on a consistent basis dont call him, let him call you for whatever reason and take it from there.

Good luck.

Well if you don't get an court order of support he doesn't have to do anything financially for the child, and he doesn't have to spend anymore time with the child than he wants to.  

I had a similar situation with my oldest dd's bio dad when she was a baby (except for the hospital part).  I didn't put him on the birth certificate, and I wanted him to want to be a dad.  I didn't want to compel him.  Because I knew it would be hurtful and damaging to her to have him in and out of her life, disappointing her, and being inconsistent.  He never made the effort to see her (only once).  And he never voluntarily paid support.  In fact, I told him all I wanted was for him to make a consistent contribution as a father, and he accused me of just wanting his money.  so I said, don't give me money.  Buy her diapers, formula, clothing, whatever - I don't care what or how much - just do it consistently.  He never bouht her anything.

I decided that filing for child support wasn't worth it to me.  I knew that he wouldn't work steadily, would be vindictive and avoid working to not pay support, and I knew that if I did get anything, it would always come with strings attached. I also knew 2 moms who were constantly fighting for the money they were owed, and it just caused them to be angry and resentful.  I didn't want to spend years feeling that way.  No amount of money was worth it to me.  I wanted to be happy.

So I went my own way and never looked back.  I met my dh 18 months later, and we have been together almost 26 years.  My dd is now 27.  That was one of the best decisions I ever made.  I have the benefit of now knowing how it all turned out.  My dd is well adjusted, happy, and secure.  Her bio dad has 5 other children by 3 different women.  All of them are completely screwed up.  It makes me sad for them, but my dd thanks me every day for being strong enough to get out.  She is a mom now, and she is grateful.  I have not a single regret.  She was my daughter, and not his.  She did ask to meet him at 16, and the first thing he said was, great, more child support!!  Some people never change and our kids are better off without them.

Quoting DarlaHood:

I had a similar situation with my oldest dd's bio dad when she was a baby (except for the hospital part).  I didn't put him on the birth certificate, and I wanted him to want to be a dad.  I didn't want to compel him.  Because I knew it would be hurtful and damaging to her to have him in and out of her life, disappointing her, and being inconsistent.  He never made the effort to see her (only once).  And he never voluntarily paid support.  In fact, I told him all I wanted was for him to make a consistent contribution as a father, and he accused me of just wanting his money.  so I said, don't give me money.  Buy her diapers, formula, clothing, whatever - I don't care what or how much - just do it consistently.  He never bouht her anything.

I decided that filing for child support wasn't worth it to me.  I knew that he wouldn't work steadily, would be vindictive and avoid working to not pay support, and I knew that if I did get anything, it would always come with strings attached. I also knew 2 moms who were constantly fighting for the money they were owed, and it just caused them to be angry and resentful.  I didn't want to spend years feeling that way.  No amount of money was worth it to me.  I wanted to be happy.

So I went my own way and never looked back.  I met my dh 18 months later, and we have been together almost 26 years.  My dd is now 27.  That was one of the best decisions I ever made.  I have the benefit of now knowing how it all turned out.  My dd is well adjusted, happy, and secure.  Her bio dad has 5 other children by 3 different women.  All of them are completely screwed up.  It makes me sad for them, but my dd thanks me every day for being strong enough to get out.  She is a mom now, and she is grateful.  I have not a single regret.  She was my daughter, and not his.  She did ask to meet him at 16, and the first thing he said was, great, more child support!!  Some people never change and our kids are better off without them.

I don't think you have to make the decision to cut him out forever, but maybe at least until your son is old enough to decide what kind of relationship he wants to have.  My daughter had a very happy, stable life, but began to get curious when she was about 14.  We checked his police records (with the help of a friend), and his wife had restraining orders and stuff at the time, so we explained that we would let her contact him, but wanted to wait until she was a bit older.  She accepted that, but at 16 decided that she didn't want to wait any longer.

I never, ever talked badly about him (which meant sometimes I didn't have much to say when limited to the good).  I just told her that he was sick and didn't know how to love people in a healthy way.  But people can change.  When we took her to meet him and his family, I just told her not to expect anything if he promised her anything, because he used to not be good at keeping promises, and to just make up her own mind.  But she saw pretty quickly that he was a jerk.  He wasn't a jerk to her, but he treated his wife and kids really badly, and she was shocked because she hadn't been raised like that.  He was disrespectful to his wife, and my dh (the only dad she ever had) was always extremely loving, kind, and respectful. 

I believe that keeping her totally away from his toxic ways allowed for her to develop healthy views of family and relationships, and she was later able to handle meeting him.  It's been over 10 years now, and she rarely sees him or his family.  She does see his ex wife!

Quoting Vernnay:

He's the type that comes in and out of,his life . For example he would show up once a week for like a month then we won't see him for a couple of weeks and now i'm not hearing from him at all! I see that he is spending time with his gf from fb but not his son.. As a child it hurt me more to see my dad then never see him again... And i'm starting to wonder .. Should I just cut him off completely because I have asked them for,help countless time but they always find an excuse

Quoting DarlaHood:

I had a similar situation with my oldest dd's bio dad when she was a baby (except for the hospital part).  I didn't put him on the birth certificate, and I wanted him to want to be a dad.  I didn't want to compel him.  Because I knew it would be hurtful and damaging to her to have him in and out of her life, disappointing her, and being inconsistent.  He never made the effort to see her (only once).  And he never voluntarily paid support.  In fact, I told him all I wanted was for him to make a consistent contribution as a father, and he accused me of just wanting his money.  so I said, don't give me money.  Buy her diapers, formula, clothing, whatever - I don't care what or how much - just do it consistently.  He never bouht her anything.

I decided that filing for child support wasn't worth it to me.  I knew that he wouldn't work steadily, would be vindictive and avoid working to not pay support, and I knew that if I did get anything, it would always come with strings attached. I also knew 2 moms who were constantly fighting for the money they were owed, and it just caused them to be angry and resentful.  I didn't want to spend years feeling that way.  No amount of money was worth it to me.  I wanted to be happy.

So I went my own way and never looked back.  I met my dh 18 months later, and we have been together almost 26 years.  My dd is now 27.  That was one of the best decisions I ever made.  I have the benefit of now knowing how it all turned out.  My dd is well adjusted, happy, and secure.  Her bio dad has 5 other children by 3 different women.  All of them are completely screwed up.  It makes me sad for them, but my dd thanks me every day for being strong enough to get out.  She is a mom now, and she is grateful.  I have not a single regret.  She was my daughter, and not his.  She did ask to meet him at 16, and the first thing he said was, great, more child support!!  Some people never change and our kids are better off without them.

I do not know at this point what I am going to do. While I am still in love with my child's father, he does not seem to be in love with me. He SAYS he will be there for our baby and will love us, but he also said he would never lie to me or hurt me, and he has broken both of those problems on both occasions. The father was raised mainly by his mother and his father eventually came back into the picture, and he says that whenever I have the baby he will be everything he didn't have growing up. I want to believe him but I don't know if I can.