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20m old hitting! HELP! piog

Posted by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 12:52 AM
  • 23 Replies
DS is 20m old, were trying to get him some kind of a diagnosis because he's special in so many ways. He doesn't feel pain like most people, his pain tolerance is EXTREMELY high. He beats his head on the wall and pinches himself to the point of bruising on a daily basis as well as chewing his fingers until they're raw, all the while a huge smile on his face. He also rough houses with his older brother as well as with DH (i'm the only female in the house). The problem is he is beating the crud out of me and he thinks he's playing but it hurts, BAD! I'm worried i'm going to start looking like DH hits me because DS is hitting me SO hard and so often! Not only that but pretty soon he's going to over power his older brother... I try to teach him no hitting or rough housing with mommy but he doesn't seem to understand... Does anyone have any suggestions??? I'm at a loss...
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by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 12:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Neenah28
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 1:02 AM
1 mom liked this
I would see your doc everyday until they refer you to someone who can give you a diagnosis. Your child needs medical attention. I would worry more about that than what people are going to think about your bruises.
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aimeegreen4ever
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 1:48 AM
We're getting tons of help, he's currently in PT, OT & ST. We're currently seeing an Autism specialist for a possible diagnosis and she's having us see a developmental specialist as well as a geneticist before further referring us to more specialists or diagnosing him. Oh and he's also scheduled for an EEG, on top of the other appointments with the specialists. So at this point were getting all the help we can. I just don't want to start looking like a battered woman from my toddler and his OT isn't really being very helpful in that arena...


Quoting Neenah28:

I would see your doc everyday until they refer you to someone who can give you a diagnosis. Your child needs medical attention. I would worry more about that than what people are going to think about your bruises.

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angie2568
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 10:35 AM

 What area do you live in, are you by any chance near Durham, NC?

If not I would request another OT. I would do intensive behavior therapy 2 hr sessions 1-2 times per week.

A good suggestion when he hits/kicks/bites - say "Name, Mommy has told you not to bite, kick, hit or bang your head - you are hurting yourself and others. Place in time out 1 1/2 minutes - yes that is short - but when this happens find area chair, stool or pillow - away from all contact (other than you), no noise in background. He has to stay in that spot. Then at time up - tell him dont hit, etc again or you will come back to time out again. * It can take up to 10 days for this new punishment concept to sink in and sometimes he will be in time out 3-4 times per day*

Also try to keep him physically "busy" all day. Do gross and fine motor skills early in morning after breakfast - stack blocks and build "city" - use little people/figurines and cars and play 1-2 hours. Then have him and other son and you play an activity of some sort outside if weather is permitting. Make sure you take the potty breaks every 15-30 minutes. Then have snack and possibly watch the 15-30 minute tv show cartoon - dora, diego, blue clue, little bear, little bill, backyardigans etc. Then do phonics flash cards with pictures - always point to picture and say the word and see if he tries to copy you.

After lunch and nap (if he takes one). Do more extensive physical activity, play chase outside, play with toys 30 minutes.  Then do alittle down time and read to him showing him photos.

Good Luck.

Quoting aimeegreen4ever:

We're getting tons of help, he's currently in PT, OT & ST. We're currently seeing an Autism specialist for a possible diagnosis and she's having us see a developmental specialist as well as a geneticist before further referring us to more specialists or diagnosing him. Oh and he's also scheduled for an EEG, on top of the other appointments with the specialists. So at this point were getting all the help we can. I just don't want to start looking like a battered woman from my toddler and his OT isn't really being very helpful in that arena...


Quoting Neenah28:

I would see your doc everyday until they refer you to someone who can give you a diagnosis. Your child needs medical attention. I would worry more about that than what people are going to think about your bruises.

 

aidenmomplus4
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 10:44 AM

It seem that you are doing everything in your power medically to ensure that he gets diagnosis, so stay strong on that front. As for getting him not to hit, will be a bit more diffucult because at 20 months they don't really undersand punishment and read social cues, so the best things is to repeat yourself and then move him to another activity. Best of luck with this situation

aimeegreen4ever
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 10:51 AM
Were not, were in WA... His OT is about to go on maternity leave so were going to be getting a new OT then when we get his diagnosis we'll hopefully be getting a whole new group of therapists. Right now I drive a half an hour each way to Therapy twice a week (st&ot Tuesdays and pt Thursdays) its wearing on me and with no AC in my car and DS hating the windows down its a nightmare... his OT and I don't agree on anything at all. she keeps telling me he should stop OT until he's 3 then re enter when he starts ece, she doesn't work on issues DS needs help with and she writes complete incorrect information in his charts (I get his medical records monthly) so when ask these specialist request his records I have to tell then all that his OT seems to be wittering with another child and reporting him as DS because her reporting couldn't be further from the truth about DS! I know she's pregnant but come on, my kid needs some help here!


Quoting angie2568:

 What area do you live in, are you by any chance near Durham, NC?


If not I would request another OT. I would do intensive behavior therapy 2 hr sessions 1-2 times per week.


A good suggestion when he hits/kicks/bites - say "Name, Mommy has told you not to bite, kick, hit or bang your head - you are hurting yourself and others. Place in time out 1 1/2 minutes - yes that is short - but when this happens find area chair, stool or pillow - away from all contact (other than you), no noise in background. He has to stay in that spot. Then at time up - tell him dont hit, etc again or you will come back to time out again. * It can take up to 10 days for this new punishment concept to sink in and sometimes he will be in time out 3-4 times per day*


Also try to keep him physically "busy" all day. Do gross and fine motor skills early in morning after breakfast - stack blocks and build "city" - use little people/figurines and cars and play 1-2 hours. Then have him and other son and you play an activity of some sort outside if weather is permitting. Make sure you take the potty breaks every 15-30 minutes. Then have snack and possibly watch the 15-30 minute tv show cartoon - dora, diego, blue clue, little bear, little bill, backyardigans etc. Then do phonics flash cards with pictures - always point to picture and say the word and see if he tries to copy you.


After lunch and nap (if he takes one). Do more extensive physical activity, play chase outside, play with toys 30 minutes.  Then do alittle down time and read to him showing him photos.


Good Luck.


Quoting aimeegreen4ever:

We're getting tons of help, he's currently in PT, OT & ST. We're currently seeing an Autism specialist for a possible diagnosis and she's having us see a developmental specialist as well as a geneticist before further referring us to more specialists or diagnosing him. Oh and he's also scheduled for an EEG, on top of the other appointments with the specialists. So at this point were getting all the help we can. I just don't want to start looking like a battered woman from my toddler and his OT isn't really being very helpful in that arena...



Quoting Neenah28:

I would see your doc everyday until they refer you to someone who can give you a diagnosis. Your child needs medical attention. I would worry more about that than what people are going to think about your bruises.


 


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LoreleiSieja
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2012 at 11:42 AM

I'm glad that you are getting so much help from specialists - and hope they can help make a diagnosis soon.  My first thought was "autism" too.  This can be hard to diagnose, because there is a broad spectrum from "just a little bit off" to totally non-functioning.  I'm no expert, but I think that autism is usually not diagnosed until the child is two, that as infants and toddlers, autistic children keep up with their peers, but by around two, it is easier to see a few delays, the non-responsive behaviors, the repetitive behaviors, and the hitting.

It is NORMAL for a 20 month old to hit... but an autistic child might hit way more than normal.  It is normal for a 20 month old to push, or pinch or rough house... but an autistic child will push the envelope. 

As for suggestions: I have very little experience dealing with autistic children, so these suggestions might not work - but they have worked for others.

1) over-react when he hurts you.  If he hits you, put him down, cover the spot where he hit you, and try to cry.  Scream. Rub the spot.  Go get some ice to put on it.  Try to show him BY YOUR ACTIONS how much it hurt.  he's too little to understand your words. 

2) If he hits someone else, again, have them over-react.  Ignore the child who hit, but focus on the victim.  Put ice on the "bruise".  Kiss the spot.  Comfort the injured party - even if it your husband. 

If your child is diagnosed as autistic, there is a ton of information out there - much of it wrong.  He can still learn!  Have you ever heard of Temple Gardin?  Her mom wouldn't institutionalize her when she was diagnosed as autistic at the age of four.  She worked with her, taught her, pushed her - and she eventually got her doctorate from the university.  She's a college professor today, and she single-handedly changed the American Beef industry. It's a facinating true story of one mother's love for her different child.

http://raisingcreativechildren.com/nail-biting/


angie2568
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 12:18 PM

 Request the OT to do therapy in your home, not in the office or as a group situation.

I hope it gets better for you.

Quoting aimeegreen4ever:

Were not, were in WA... His OT is about to go on maternity leave so were going to be getting a new OT then when we get his diagnosis we'll hopefully be getting a whole new group of therapists. Right now I drive a half an hour each way to Therapy twice a week (st&ot Tuesdays and pt Thursdays) its wearing on me and with no AC in my car and DS hating the windows down its a nightmare... his OT and I don't agree on anything at all. she keeps telling me he should stop OT until he's 3 then re enter when he starts ece, she doesn't work on issues DS needs help with and she writes complete incorrect information in his charts (I get his medical records monthly) so when ask these specialist request his records I have to tell then all that his OT seems to be wittering with another child and reporting him as DS because her reporting couldn't be further from the truth about DS! I know she's pregnant but come on, my kid needs some help here!


Quoting angie2568:

 What area do you live in, are you by any chance near Durham, NC?


If not I would request another OT. I would do intensive behavior therapy 2 hr sessions 1-2 times per week.


A good suggestion when he hits/kicks/bites - say "Name, Mommy has told you not to bite, kick, hit or bang your head - you are hurting yourself and others. Place in time out 1 1/2 minutes - yes that is short - but when this happens find area chair, stool or pillow - away from all contact (other than you), no noise in background. He has to stay in that spot. Then at time up - tell him dont hit, etc again or you will come back to time out again. * It can take up to 10 days for this new punishment concept to sink in and sometimes he will be in time out 3-4 times per day*


Also try to keep him physically "busy" all day. Do gross and fine motor skills early in morning after breakfast - stack blocks and build "city" - use little people/figurines and cars and play 1-2 hours. Then have him and other son and you play an activity of some sort outside if weather is permitting. Make sure you take the potty breaks every 15-30 minutes. Then have snack and possibly watch the 15-30 minute tv show cartoon - dora, diego, blue clue, little bear, little bill, backyardigans etc. Then do phonics flash cards with pictures - always point to picture and say the word and see if he tries to copy you.


After lunch and nap (if he takes one). Do more extensive physical activity, play chase outside, play with toys 30 minutes.  Then do alittle down time and read to him showing him photos.


Good Luck.


Quoting aimeegreen4ever:

We're getting tons of help, he's currently in PT, OT & ST. We're currently seeing an Autism specialist for a possible diagnosis and she's having us see a developmental specialist as well as a geneticist before further referring us to more specialists or diagnosing him. Oh and he's also scheduled for an EEG, on top of the other appointments with the specialists. So at this point were getting all the help we can. I just don't want to start looking like a battered woman from my toddler and his OT isn't really being very helpful in that arena...



Quoting Neenah28:

I would see your doc everyday until they refer you to someone who can give you a diagnosis. Your child needs medical attention. I would worry more about that than what people are going to think about your bruises.


 


 

aimeegreen4ever
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 12:25 PM
Thank you, I will definitely try your suggestions!

DS is seeing someone that specializes is early Autism diagnosis (18m+). He won't be diagnosed until he's closer to 2 because we have to do all the other appointments before getting the diagnosis. Each doctor wants to see what the last one said, his Autism specialist wants to see what the developmental specialist says (that's in a month) and the geneticist, then the geneticist wants to see what the developmental specialist says so we can't schedule that appointment until after the developmental specialist... They say its because of his ”extensive medical background” which I can understand... Its just so much waiting... Im post of the Autism group so those ladies are some help with ideas like video taping his behaviors so they can see because he's not showing then while were at the appointments because he's not stressed. They are always right after he wakes up (its over an hour drive each time) so he's in a great mood and isn't stressed in any way. I don't really care what the diagnosis is, he just needs one so we can get specialized help for his issues...


Quoting LoreleiSieja:

I'm glad that you are getting so much help from specialists - and hope they can help make a diagnosis soon.  My first thought was "autism" too.  This can be hard to diagnose, because there is a broad spectrum from "just a little bit off" to totally non-functioning.  I'm no expert, but I think that autism is usually not diagnosed until the child is two, that as infants and toddlers, autistic children keep up with their peers, but by around two, it is easier to see a few delays, the non-responsive behaviors, the repetitive behaviors, and the hitting.

It is NORMAL for a 20 month old to hit... but an autistic child might hit way more than normal.  It is normal for a 20 month old to push, or pinch or rough house... but an autistic child will push the envelope. 

As for suggestions: I have very little experience dealing with autistic children, so these suggestions might not work - but they have worked for others.

1) over-react when he hurts you.  If he hits you, put him down, cover the spot where he hit you, and try to cry.  Scream. Rub the spot.  Go get some ice to put on it.  Try to show him BY YOUR ACTIONS how much it hurt.  he's too little to understand your words. 

2) If he hits someone else, again, have them over-react.  Ignore the child who hit, but focus on the victim.  Put ice on the "bruise".  Kiss the spot.  Comfort the injured party - even if it your husband. 

If your child is diagnosed as autistic, there is a ton of information out there - much of it wrong.  He can still learn!  Have you ever heard of Temple Gardin?  Her mom wouldn't institutionalize her when she was diagnosed as autistic at the age of four.  She worked with her, taught her, pushed her - and she eventually got her doctorate from the university.  She's a college professor today, and she single-handedly changed the American Beef industry. It's a facinating true story of one mother's love for her different child.


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aimeegreen4ever
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 12:28 PM
That's the goal. This office doesn't do in home so as soon as we can figure out what's going on with him, that's what were going to be hopefully doing....


Quoting angie2568:

 Request the OT to do therapy in your home, not in the office or as a group situation.


I hope it gets better for you.


Quoting aimeegreen4ever:

Were not, were in WA... His OT is about to go on maternity leave so were going to be getting a new OT then when we get his diagnosis we'll hopefully be getting a whole new group of therapists. Right now I drive a half an hour each way to Therapy twice a week (st&ot Tuesdays and pt Thursdays) its wearing on me and with no AC in my car and DS hating the windows down its a nightmare... his OT and I don't agree on anything at all. she keeps telling me he should stop OT until he's 3 then re enter when he starts ece, she doesn't work on issues DS needs help with and she writes complete incorrect information in his charts (I get his medical records monthly) so when ask these specialist request his records I have to tell then all that his OT seems to be wittering with another child and reporting him as DS because her reporting couldn't be further from the truth about DS! I know she's pregnant but come on, my kid needs some help here!



Quoting angie2568:


 What area do you live in, are you by any chance near Durham, NC?



If not I would request another OT. I would do intensive behavior therapy 2 hr sessions 1-2 times per week.



A good suggestion when he hits/kicks/bites - say "Name, Mommy has told you not to bite, kick, hit or bang your head - you are hurting yourself and others. Place in time out 1 1/2 minutes - yes that is short - but when this happens find area chair, stool or pillow - away from all contact (other than you), no noise in background. He has to stay in that spot. Then at time up - tell him dont hit, etc again or you will come back to time out again. * It can take up to 10 days for this new punishment concept to sink in and sometimes he will be in time out 3-4 times per day*



Also try to keep him physically "busy" all day. Do gross and fine motor skills early in morning after breakfast - stack blocks and build "city" - use little people/figurines and cars and play 1-2 hours. Then have him and other son and you play an activity of some sort outside if weather is permitting. Make sure you take the potty breaks every 15-30 minutes. Then have snack and possibly watch the 15-30 minute tv show cartoon - dora, diego, blue clue, little bear, little bill, backyardigans etc. Then do phonics flash cards with pictures - always point to picture and say the word and see if he tries to copy you.



After lunch and nap (if he takes one). Do more extensive physical activity, play chase outside, play with toys 30 minutes.  Then do alittle down time and read to him showing him photos.



Good Luck.



Quoting aimeegreen4ever:

We're getting tons of help, he's currently in PT, OT & ST. We're currently seeing an Autism specialist for a possible diagnosis and she's having us see a developmental specialist as well as a geneticist before further referring us to more specialists or diagnosing him. Oh and he's also scheduled for an EEG, on top of the other appointments with the specialists. So at this point were getting all the help we can. I just don't want to start looking like a battered woman from my toddler and his OT isn't really being very helpful in that arena...




Quoting Neenah28:

I would see your doc everyday until they refer you to someone who can give you a diagnosis. Your child needs medical attention. I would worry more about that than what people are going to think about your bruises.



 



 


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CoeyG
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 12:55 PM

Is he beating his head on a wall and pinching himself during a tantrum?  Then you don't need a diagnosis...you need to walk aay.  My daughter would throw herself to the ground so hard she would bounce, when that didn't get her what she wanted she began banging her head on any hard surface including cement floor.  When that didn't produce the results she wanted she toned it down to just screaming non stop, I clocked it one day she screamed for literally 6 hours!  Laslty she tried the pull the holding her breath and that came to a stop the day she passed out.  The smile is the giveaway, he is doing this to get your attention and obviously it is working . Toddlers do not have the cognative power to differentiate between good attention and bad.  All they know is if they can get your atteniton then get what they want or not do what they don't want to do they have succeeded.  

If you are telling him that he is "Bad" then you are causing part of the problem yourself.  He doesn't know the difference between good and bad, he isn't even gwo years old yet.  What you do is you grab his hands and you look him in the eyes and you very firmly (do not yell or scream at him)"No".  Then walk away from him.  When he tries to hit you don't sit there and let him, get up and get away from him.  You also need to start using time outs, for when he doesn't behave.  He is old enough to sit in one spot for 2 minutes (a minute per age) and you'd better start enforcing some rules and boundaries.  So far hs is in control of everything and it will only get worse if you let it continue. 

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