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My daughter is 4 years old. She was recently diagnosed with Adhd. She is on concerta and zoloft for it. She still is very bad, She rips things apart, back talks, everything along them lines,. I have tried about everything too try too control her. I dont hit my child, I try other punishments. I've tried time outs, taking her favorite toys, no television, and took away things that she likes too do the most like going to the park and riding her bike, Nothing is working and I ran out of ideas. Does anyone have any suggestions??

by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 1:15 AM
Replies (11-20):
by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 1:06 PM
Possibly a different approach, since you seem to disagree with punishment based learning anyways. What about positive reinforcement. ADHA children are not a reflection of parenting, but possibly for your child the different approach may work? There a book called "The power of positive parenting" by Glen Latham. I haven't read it through myself, but my sister who works in the behavior field recommended it to me to read
by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 1:09 PM

My DD was diagnosed already and she is 4.  They do not medicate much before 5 or 6, but they do diagnose it.

Quoting snowangel1979:

Did she have the mood swings before the meds, is this new behavior popping up.
It could be because of the meds.

I'm sorry but that's a lot of meds for a 4 year old. How did they diagnose ADHD.
They normally don't diagnose ADHD untill 6+ years old. Did you go to a physiologis or just a doctor.
4 year olds are a handful and don't know self control or how to properly verbalize they're emotions. Four year olds rip things apart and back talk and act up. They are testing the limits.

You don't see anything wrong with giving a 4 year old physiological altering drugs?
Did you do any research on these drugs?
Drugs should be a last result after trying other things.
You can not drug a child to comply with the "rules". It may work short term but long term your in for trouble.
I'm not meaning to bash but it sounds like your doctor is a quack for giving a 4 year old these meds.

I'm the mother of 3 (possibly 4) children with ADHD.

by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 2:00 PM

when i was diagnosed ADHD they put me on meds that made me a zombie, i was locked in y head and couldnt talk or act on anything. i was in the second grade and i remember not being able to move my mouth to talk to my teachers. one day my teacher talked to me- she had seen that before- and explained alot to me about behaving and asking questions and trying to stay calm. 

some kids that are called ADHD, just need help to self calm, to form their ultra-emotions into questions, and to recieve anwsers, and know how to processs them(not just yes or nos, but WHY and details)

maybe helping her to figure out when she gets upset, no matter what for, she needs to teach herself to calm down by herself, or shell never do very well, even with meds-

hope everything works out for you

by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 3:03 PM

 If you'd like a wonderful support group with women who understand the struggles of raising a child with ADD/ADHD. Please join us over in Loving a Child with ADD/ADHD .  There is a lot of information and support that might help you with your Daughter. 

by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2012 at 3:10 PM


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by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 7:49 PM

 She may need further evaluation. Some people don't realize but the high functioning end of autism is Asperger's and they tend to be more aggressive and though social, they don't understand social boundaries. I'd say have her more thoroughly evaluated because My son who is now 20 was like this and was later diagnosed with Asperger's only a few years ago!

by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 7:56 PM
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See a professional therapist. People are so eager to diagnose and medicate nowadays that no one seeks therapy when they should. My husband and son have ADHD and neither are medicated. You have to find an outlet for her, every child is different bit medication should be a last resort.
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by Member on Aug. 18, 2012 at 1:49 AM

Wow... that's a lot of drugs for a 4 year old. O.o Around here, they won't even diagnose kids with ADHD that young because a lot of pre-schoolers show signs of ADHD without actually having it.

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 3:45 AM
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I am in no way being critical because I do understand the realities of children with ADHD and conduct disorders.  But at 4, these are strong meds that really have profound effects upon brain chemistry.  I would really urge you to get 2nd and even 3rd opinions, and make sure you see a neuropsychiatrist who specializes in working with children.  It could very well be that she needs the meds, but it can take a while before the correct meds and dosages are fine-tuned.

You got a lot of good advice from Hypermom38.  I would also recommend that you take some parenting classes specifically for parents of kids with ADHD because they will teach you strategies for working with your daughter.

Positive reinforcement is hands down the most important thing you can do because kids with these issues tend to get a lot of negative attention, so they can wind up feeling bad about themselves, having poor self-esteem, which then results in lower performance - even though they are bright.

So catch her doing something right every chance you get, and comment on it every time.  Also, instead of taking her toys away as punishment.  Try taking her down to basics in her room - and let her earn the privilege of picking toys, watching tv, or other activites that she enjoys as rewards for short spurts of good behavior.

Also a token system can work well for kids like this.  Take poker chips, and place values on them.  White 5 points, Blue, 10, Red 20.  Let her earn these with good behavior.  The harder the challenge for behaving well, the greater the pay off.  So at home, maybe start out with her getting a white chip for every half hour she doesn't exhibit bad behavior.  Set a timer for her so she knows how long it is.  If she is consistently making a half hour, then go 45 mins., then an hour.  Don't go more than a half a day though, even once she works up to that.  If it's something that tests her, like waiting in the doctor's office, give her a red.  Then create a "store" where she can buy privileges (movies, certain toys) or special play (painting, play-doh, games with mom, etc.). 

You can also make her a little pouch to carry them in, and you can have her pay you if she throws a tantrum, or rips something. 

If she really does have an extreme case of ADHD, she's going to have impulse control problems, so constantly punishing her may not be effective because it just makes her more angry and misunderstood.  Rewards help her to learn to exercise some self-control.  But kids with ADHD can't go a whole day or week without feedback.  And they need positive feedback.  They need more of it, and they need it more often than other kids might. 

Also, if she is strong-willed, avoid power struggles if at all possible by carefully picking which battles are worth fighting.  Try to give her choices whenever you can.  (instead of picking out clothes and being in an argument about whether or not she wants to or is going to wear them, give her choices between 3 pairs of pants, 3 shirts, etc..).  Ask her, do you want to brush your hair before or after breakfast?  Sometimes letting them have some control over their lives helps them to stay in control. 

I wish you luck.  Consistency, structure, and perseverance are absolutely critical, and are as important as medication for these kids. 

by on Aug. 18, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Be very careful with concerta it made my daughter have rapid heart beats be careful this Med is dangerous
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