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Paternity Results

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:12 PM
  • 46 Replies

My baby is 4 months old. She is a joy and i love her to death. But when i got pregnant i had planned to have an abortion because i didnt know who her father was. Obviously i decided not to do that but paterinity had to be established. And i am now reggretting my decicion to keep her. The two possible canidates as her father were between my current bf and my abusive ex boyfriend. I made a mistake and cheated on my current boyfirend. He was aware of the situation and said he didnt care who her father was because he wanted her anyway. Well the paterinity results were not in our favor and I dont know what to do. I'm well aware that i brought this on myself and i was a slut and should have been sleeping around so there is no need to comment back with immature comments like any of those. I'd like to also make it clear that i am very in love with my little baby girl, but i am feeling very guilty about the thoughts i have been having about her. I know its not her fault but i hate my self for bringing her into this chaotic life i have created.

by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:12 PM
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AmericanChild82
by Member on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:18 PM
5 moms liked this

All I can say is let those who have no sins throw the first stone. I'll be praying that you can find a peaceful solution to this mess but focus on that beautiful little princess you now have. As long as she sees a strong, resourceful mother she will grow up to be just as strong as her momma.

chasingmason
by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Then you have the power to change it.

If you current bf did not want to know, was he ok with getting the test? I feel like you need to be honest with him, and then give him time (and space if he asks for it) to digest, and then make a decision. I strongly suggest couples therapy. Not easy, but it works! Many communities or religous orgs offer it free.

As far as bio dad goes....be honest with him as well. He needs to be given the opportunity to be responsible. Again, counseling, counseling, counseling.

I think given the stress you are under it is natural to have regrets. Don't hold on to them. You know you love her, she is worth it all. That being said, this is not easy. You are very courageous. Good luck!

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:25 PM
3 moms liked this
Just have his rights terminated due to his abusive past and move on.
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BaileynMe
by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:26 PM
3 moms liked this
Exactly. We've all made mistakes. Forgive yourself, mama, and move on and love your little girl. If you're feeling overwhelmed and having dark thoughts, please please seek help. Post partum depression is vicious and awful, but treatable. I suffered with it for a long time before coming through it and I wish I'd sought help sooner; I wasted a lot of time on thoughts and emotions that weren't me.


Quoting AmericanChild82:

All I can say is let those who have no sins throw the first stone. I'll be praying that you can find a peaceful solution to this mess but focus on that beautiful little princess you now have. As long as she sees a strong, resourceful mother she will grow up to be just as strong as her momma.


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CoeyG
by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:31 PM


Quoting Mommy2justone:

Just have his rights terminated due to his abusive past and move on.

That would take a court order,  can she pay for a lawyer?  Also some states won't make him pay child support if he gives up his parental rights.  Does the current boyfriend make enough money to support a family?   Also if she takes him to court to try and have his parental rigths revoked he can file for partial custod/visitation... 

CatDJS
by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:38 PM

According to a few lawyers i spoke to... thats impossible. I wish it was that easy. :-( they told me that there are men in jail that still have rights to see their kids. and the mothers MUST bring them to the jail to see them. It's rediculous.

Bleacheddecay
by Silver Member on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:39 PM

If he was abusive I wouldn't even tell him. I'd also want to get pretty far away. It's wonderful your current bf is okay with it.

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:40 PM
2 moms liked this
I don't know if she can, she didn't say obviously. Just giving some advice.....this is the group for that right? Why do you have to come into every post with your granny panties in a twist? Every post is you nay saying everyone else. Just give your advice and go.

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting Mommy2justone:

Just have his rights terminated due to his abusive past and move on.

That would take a court order,  can she pay for a lawyer?  Also some states won't make him pay child support if he gives up his parental rights.  Does the current boyfriend make enough money to support a family?   Also if she takes him to court to try and have his parental rigths revoked he can file for partial custod/visitation... 

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CatDJS
by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:42 PM


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting Mommy2justone:

Just have his rights terminated due to his abusive past and move on.

That would take a court order,  can she pay for a lawyer?  Also some states won't make him pay child support if he gives up his parental rights.  Does the current boyfriend make enough money to support a family?   Also if she takes him to court to try and have his parental rigths revoked he can file for partial custod/visitation... 

REally cant pay for a lawyer. And me and my boyfriend really would rather not have his money we just wish he would give up his parental rights. My current boyfriend and i make enough money together to support all of us.

chasingmason
by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 10:43 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting CatDJS:

According to a few lawyers i spoke to... thats impossible. I wish it was that easy. :-( they told me that there are men in jail that still have rights to see their kids. and the mothers MUST bring them to the jail to see them. It's rediculous.

Exactly. I also think you have to tell him, encourage him to get help, and get a custody arrangement. You may not feel right about it unless you are honest with all involved. Forgiving yourself is important.

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