I'm just so deflated. Idk what else to do. I feel like I've tried everything.
So went
through and highlighted in red the major points of the story, in case
you don't wanna read the whole thing, cuz it's really freaking LONG!!!!!
So the neighbors were out of town this weekend. My boys asked to go out back and play, so I let them, but my son has a history of being sneaky getting into stuff, so I checked on them every 10 minutes. When I wasn't out there checking on them, I was in the office working, right next to a window that looked out on the backyard. So I could look out and make sure they were still behaving.
Well, about 15 minutes goes by and I look out the window, and can't see the boys. So I go out to look for them. They aren't in the backyard. I wander to the side of the house, they aren't there either, but the door to the garage is open. So I follow the clues... I go into the garage, and notice that one of their bikes is missing.
I go to the front driveway, and can't see their bike. I start walking down the street, and see their bike ditched in the neighbor's yard, 2 doors down. I also see the neighbor's dog on the front lawn. (at this point I had no idea the neighbors were out of town). I go get my husband, because the dog is barking at me and I don't want to piss him off, and DH comes out with me. The lady from across the cul-de-sac comes out and says "oh I know him (the dog)... I'll put him away". She comes over to the fence, and we both notice that it's open... odd...
My husband goes to knock on the door and I started asking the neighbor lady if she happened to see my boys running around out here. She starts to tell me that she HAD seen them, and that the ppl who owned the dog were not home for the weekend... when the front door opens.
MY SON opened the door. Apparently he had gone through the backyard, through the DOGGIE DOOR in the back yard, and into the house, to find the kids that lived there.
GREAT. So I get my kids out of the house, thank the neighbor for her help, and march my kids back home. I was so mad, I couldn't spank them. I knew it would be unsafe. I went outside, took a breather, came back in and lectured them on how horrible it is to go into someone's house when they aren't home, how they aren't WELCOME inside unless someone tells them it's okay, and how they could no longer play outside- front OR back, unless DH or I were there to watch them at all times.
DH talked to them about how it was illegal to do this, and how they could go to jail, and sort of scared them into understanding the seriousness of the situation.
Today, I told them that when the neighbor's came home, we would be going over there to apologize. They came home today, so we went over, and I had both my boys apologize, I apologized, and the guy sternly lectured my son again about the situation. He also got lectures from my parents about it earlier in the day.
Then I asked the neighbor to please let me know if anything was missing/broken etc and we were more than happy to take care of any problems.
Not even five minutes later, he comes over, SUPER PISSED OFF. My son had gone into his daughters room and apparently trashed the whole damn room. Everything in the closet was on the floor, there were candy wrappers everywhere, and from what I understand, it was essentially ransacked. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I told him I would send both of my DS' over to clean it up right away, and asked him to make me a list of anything that needed to be replaced.
He says "Forget it. I'm calling the cops." He was super pissed at my son, but actually very nice to me. He apologized, but said he felt it was necessary. I told him I completely understood.
The cops haven't shown up... idk if he decided not to do it, or if the police station is really busy (it's a saturday night, so I'm sure this isn't a priority)...but I'm beside myself. I've never in my LIFE heard of a 6 y/o doing something this ridiculous. I just don't even know what to DO about it.
My BFF's dad is a police officer. If the police don't come over tonight, I'm thinking about having HIM come over and talk to DS' about how serious this is. I DO blame BOTH of my boys, but my oldest is 6, my middle child is 4... and he's a total follower. I'm positive this was spearheaded by my older child.
I'm just at a loss... I never thought about telling my kids "don't do that" because I guess I never imagined they might try....???
DH said that it's probably because when the neighbor kids ARE home, they always play in the backyard and in the house... the parents don't have a problem with it. So why would DS think he wasn't welcome there? He assumed that my son went in to find his friends and when they weren't there, got distracted and started messing around.... but that sounds like an INSANE amount of mess they made. I mean, I haven't seen it, they might be over-exaggerating and just super upset... idk... but looking for friends doesn't equal destroying a bedroom....I just don't know.
And can I just end by saying I KNOW I'm a failure as a parent and I suck, so I don't need to be scolded here? I'd love to hear some polite advice, some encouragement, and some solutions though.....it's already a given that DS won't be allowed to play outside without us RIGHT THERE AT ALL TIMES. And I plan to work with the neighbor on some kind of consequence- maybe he can pull weeds or clean or do some work for the neighbor to "work off" what he did. And I don't know yet if there will be legal recourse...
If they've ever had any problems with his behavior at school, I would have him tested. Some boys are just CRAZY mischievous but sometimes (especially in children with ADHD or autism or even Tourette's), they're impulsivity overwhelms them. I read the whole story, and also what you do to discipline them and I definitely think you are being too hard on yourself. I would've been hiding in fear the whole time, not facing my neighbor and owning up. Kids are a huge challenge and some more than other. My kids have WAY more energy for destruction than most kids I know. I have a four year old daughter and yes, the four year old is a "follower" but if the one starts going crazy, the 2nd starts going crazy, and then before you know it, it's like you have ten kids going crazy, not just two.
Maybe they DID trash the little girls room but what two small kids can do in 10 minutes is truly amazing.
Take a deep breath.
Talk to your son and find out if he really did trash the room. That's a lot to do in 10 minutes, but make sure. I would definitely punish him and punish him for a long time. He needs to know that it's not funny and absolutely positively not acceptable what he did.
I think calling the cops is an overreaction. They won't do anything but talk to him, but it's still an overreaction and a waste of time and tax payer money (DH used to be a cop and they hated calls like this because essentially the person is using the cops to scare the crap out of young people). It's good of you to have gone over to apologize and face your neighbor.
Think back if there have been any other behavioral issues with your son as well. Sometimes something like ADHD manifests itself in ways like this and can make them act impulsively. It doesn't mean that it can't be controlled or that he's a bad kid though so don't be so hard on yourself. He's a 6 year old boy who often played at the house and was invited in so he just assumed it was okay.
I dont think it makes you a failures a mom, but if you take that attitude, it is what you'll become. The same goes for your children. You say the oldest has a history of being sneaky, the youngest is a follower. Give them labels and they'll live up or down to them. Give those boys better labels, expect more from them, shower them with praise and keep them too busy to get into trouble. They're very young to be out on their own without a structured environment. I understand you need to work. Maybe find another mom and work as a team taking turns working and watching the boys. Maybe consider a day program for a few hours a day. Good luck and God Speed!
I didn't even think about them going down to the police station together. I bet both my boys would really benefit from that. I'll definitely ask if he has the time to do that (he retired from the PD, but now he does search and rescue in a helicopter, so I'm not sure if he would have enough spare time!).
Thanks for the idea. I'll call him this afternoon.
Quoting hapytubemom:
First settle down .. Take a breather. Some children are more mischievous than others. I think u know ure child and u r right. He went to play and when he realized they were not home he took advantage of the situation. I think ur ideas are great. They need consequences. Doing yard work for the neighbor is great. It shows them that they cannot get away with things like this and if the neighbor. If the neighbor refuses u can ask him to put a price tag on the damage and make the kids work off the money. Doing dishes $1.00.. Taking out trash 1.50 and then take that money buy your neighbors child something special. U could also take something of value away from ur child so they get to understand how they took something away from ur neighbors. I think the police officers friend coming over is the added bonus. If he could come in his uniform (priceless). There is nothing like a police officer to scare the pants out of children. I do know that he may even be able to take them to the station to show them what happens to criminals. My answer is long but please let is know the outcome
I'd make sure that your son(s) were indeed the culprits in messing up the room. Perhaps it was a mess before they left on vacation? Did the parents invite you in to see the extent of the mess? There could be some major over-exaggeration going on. Not that I'm making light or looking over the fact that your son was in their home uninvited, and when no one was home no less. I think asking the cop friend to come over - perhaps with his partner and in his police cruiser - could work wonders.
She's cheating on him
- livn4hevn
on Aug. 19, 2012 at 12:39 AM