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My friend is having an abortion

Posted by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 11:11 AM
  • 12 Replies

I do not want to start a debate about abortion on here so please stop the hate now before you even post. 

My best friend is in a crappy relationship with a crappy guy. I don't even need to go into all the details. But when she found out she was pregnant. she was soooo excited. She always said, even if she gets rid of this crappy guy, she is excited for this baby. My friend was adopted and always said she could never have an abortion bc that would be the only person blood related to her she knows. 

Anyways, She has known for over a month now, ultrasounds, and buying onesies. Told everyone. etc. but her and this guy are still going downhill, and she has decided she wants an abortion. I have never had a problem with abortion bc its not my body so its not my decision, but I am absolutely heart broken bc she was so excited for this baby and planning it and everything, and now all of a sudden, she sees that they aren't ready for kids, she isn't ready with or without him and she wants to figure out who she is first. 

I don't think I would be so heartbroken if she made this choice closer to finding out, but now, I am devastated. I was excited for that baby too. I almost feel like she is just scared and confused and that she is going to regret this. How can you buy onesies, and then decide you don't want that baby you imagined wearing it anymore. 

What do I say to her? I can't say don't do it, or anything, because it is not my choice. I want to support her in whatever she dcides, but I have literally just been crying all morning. OMG. She is just going to tell everyone she had a miscarriage. 

by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 11:11 AM
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by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 11:15 AM
Idk I guess I would ask her what made her change her mind. Express that you are worried she will regret her decision because she was so excited at first. Listen to her and offer your support one way or another. That is all you can do. I wouldnt try to change her mind if its fully made up.
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by Ruby Member on Aug. 24, 2012 at 11:17 AM
Support her whether you agree or not. Its her decision.
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by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 11:38 AM

I don't want to change her mind. Of course I support her. 

But am I allowed to feel this heartbreak? Like I don't need her to support me through the loss of HER child. I need to be supporting her. lol. So I am trying to figure out how to repress my broken heart so I can hold hers. This was a tough decision for her, but it was also such a sudden one. Who do I turn to so I can cry about this. I don't want to cry to her and upset her. 

by Member on Aug. 24, 2012 at 11:45 AM
Definitely support and be there for her. She's making a decision that she will think about every day for the rest of her life.
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by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 12:33 PM

You tell her you are sorry she has come to this decision and that you are there to help her whatever she decides.  You also tell her that she has a limited time in which to have an abortion and that the longer she waits the more difficult it will become.  

by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:14 PM

I would just express how you feel. Tell her how worried you are that she hasn't really though this out.  

by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:19 PM

 She's your friend and I'd be honest with her on your feelings. Since she was adopted maybe suggest an open adoption might be the way to go since then she can still see her child. I'm just not sure what to say but I am glad that you are willing to support her whatever she decides.

by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 2:20 PM
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Of course her having an abortion is going to affect you also because you love her, so you also love this baby. I would tell her how you feel. Express to her what you have told all of us. So what if she's taken back a little, maybe that's what she needs. We are always so worried about hurting some else's feelings that we hold back on telling people the truth. Like you said,I'm not going to get into my whole anti abortion opinion, but she can always put the baby up for adoption, once she gets an abortion there's no turning back. And from what your saying, it seems like she's leaning towards that because she's upset. When we make decisions in a moment that we are upset or angry, there is always regret. And regret of this type is forever, she will suffer greatly.

by Member on Aug. 24, 2012 at 3:03 PM

Let me just say, I  would love to have you for a friend. It's obvious that you love her and care very much about her.She is lucky. But I would tell her just what you've said on here. Just talk to her and maybe just tell her she's not in this alone,that you will help her any way you can. Maybe if she doesn't think she will be all alone, it will help to ease her fears. And of course tell her you supposrt her no matter what. But honestly what  you've written here touched me, so I am sure it will her too, when she hears it from you. Good Luck!

by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 4:23 PM

Hormones, the guy being crappy telling her she is worthless cna't be a mom etc....that's why she is confused.  My heart goes out to all of you.  My friends have been trying to adopt for years have ahd 2 miscarriages along the way...they have one son but would like more and are the most wonderful people a bay could ever desire for parents.  If you get her to change her mind (I'll be praying for this"  urge her back into the adoption world...message me Ill send you my friends facebook page....maybe looking at their story will help her make a new story of her own...God Bless and good luck!

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