I'm going to sound like the worst mom ever!

Have you given any thought to the idea that you may be expecting too much from children?  With all of your "qualifications" I see nothing about being a parent.  Have you given any thought to being "just a parent"?  

I'm going to agree. They are kids. But, they should be able to listen to you, and act in a civil manner in public. My son at three, knows these things. What ate your tactics of discipline?

Quoting CoeyG:

Have you given any thought to the idea that you may be expecting too much from children?  With all of your "qualifications" I see nothing about being a parent.  Have you given any thought to being "just a parent"?  

I worked in the Corporate Care world for 15 years, too. I know all that that requires and takes out of a person. So I will echo what the others have said. There IS a difference between being Boss Care and Mommy. Discipline may need to be different than they way it is handled in the center, a firmer hand. 

Take a little time out with your kids, together or by themselves. "Get to know" (and I say it that way, as in I know you already "know", but REALLY get to understand) their likes and dislikes and how they tick - as Mom. Then when it comes to an exceptionally good behavior, you can spend the effort to praise and enforce it. And when it comes to a disproved behavior, you will better know how to enforce correction. 

As another Corporate Care girl, you know as well as I do, that a redirection won't ALWAYS be the key to an avoided situation! ;)

I am an educator as well, recently in early childhood field (last 3 years). And my children are the same way. They have the smarts, but use them in naughty ways. It wears me out, especially since I also work with other peoples children. It is much diffrent with your own children than teaching others children. My dd is in Kinder and she has outwitted the teacher since day 1, I feel horrible because there really is not anything I can do while she is there. The teacher has asked me to take her to the doctor for eval and I know better and her preschool teacher who was also a formor co-worker knows that really is not her case also. This year I am mostly doing what I can to enforce good behavior at home. I have met with the teacher 3 times in 2 and half weeks. If she won't take my advice on how to talk with my dd, then I sit here scratching my head.

I have felt what you are feeling and still do at times. You just have to except that you can raise your children, but you can not choose their personalities. Many qualities they have are because they are very cognitively smartand will help them later in life. I have tried many techniques, books, and my youngest one is just a diffrent type of person and has to be handled in a way that makes her feel like she is using her logic to make choices. I figure God gave her to me because I have what she needs in some way, though that girl pushes my buttons. Except it, they are not a mold.

I spend a lot of time with my children and yes I would say I "know" them very well.  I think what I am asking is how to have an effective balance between firm and consistant and letting kids be kids.  By nature I am not particularly overprotective or concerned with typical child naughtiness.  I remember what it was like to be a kid and I think kids are expected to get into scuffles or misbehave or even be somewhat agressive. But in my field I have been "conditioned" to handle theses behaviors swiftly because although they may be developmentally normal, they are not socially acceptable.  

So anyone who has not been in my shoes, most people do NOT overlook these behaviors and chalk them up to "they're just kids", people get very upset.  I overheard another parent say about my daughter at soccer today "what is she retarded or something? The girl spends more time rolling on the ground than playing, she' so dramatic" The poor girl just didn't feel like playing today...put then again she was the only one behaving that way instead of just sitting on the sidelines.  But honestly, how am I supposed to feel when someone says something like that?

I do agree I need to start being more "just mom" and not  "Psych degreed, early ed mom."  In fact, because of these issues and my feelings, I actually just quite my job last week and am now a full time mom.  I feel it a step in the right direction, but now what?  I really feel like I harp on every little thing they do and EVERYTHING has become about "listening" and "being good" and I just don't  want our whole lives measured in good or bad all the time. Does that make sense?

 I agree with some previous posters...there is a difference between being a parent and working in that profession. My SO's sister has a problem determining between being a teacher and a Mom. Good luck though. I hope you can get it worked out. I don't believe you're a bad Mom either.

Ever hear the saying a shoemakers children are never shod? 

Because you've been trained to swiftly stop these antisocial type behaviors you are stressing about some things that would probably go away if you were able to let them go. 

I have five kids. Two of which have Sensory Integration Disorder. Not bad enough that they are classified as being disabled but bad enough that I have had some serious stares in public before. Especially at this age. 

I'm not saying yours have this problem, just that you had the same problem I did. I was bothered by what people said or did. 

I was so stressed out trying to get them to behave all the time that I wasn't enjoying my own kids anymore. It took a psych giving me permission to stop before I could.

SO, let me say this. STOP. You are not a bad Mom. They are KIDS. It's OK. Forget everybody else and focus on them. Ignore the negative in so much as correct it with no emotion or big scene and move on. Focus on the positive, reinforce positive, to the point that you hate your own voice. 

"Hey, thank you for holding my hand, I really appreciate you being safe!"

"Wow, you remembered to put your coat up, thank you, it gives Mom more time to TICKLE YOU"

If they're doing something that isn't ok, correct and move on. Like it never happened. 

Give yourself to freedom to say, so what if other people don't chalk it up to normal kid things. You don't have to live with them, you aren't responsible for their childhood. Enjoy your kids. You have permission. ;-).

Well that's damn awful a grown adult would say that about your child...now THAT is not "normal" behavior. I have found that parenting has a lot to do with accepting your kids for who they are. If you say you do everything you can, there is nothing wrong with them developmentally, then just let them be who they are...maybe your kid doesn't like soccer. Maybe that's why shes rolling around in the grass. Perhaps she's thinking "this shitty game is boring as hell and I'm just trying to entertain myself." Ask your kids what's up. See what they like and don't like, and let them do things they like. Yes, they should behave in public....but realistically, they're not going to be angels either. And they will find ways to entertain themselves when they are bored out of their mind. Who cares if people don't like it. Most normal adults whom have children are more accepting than you might be thinking. Stop being so insecure about your children's behavior and strangers perception of them, and just love and accept who they are

Quoting efsbunny:

I spend a lot of time with my children and yes I would say I "know" them very well.  I think what I am asking is how to have an effective balance between firm and consistant and letting kids be kids.  By nature I am not particularly overprotective or concerned with typical child naughtiness.  I remember what it was like to be a kid and I think kids are expected to get into scuffles or misbehave or even be somewhat agressive. But in my field I have been "conditioned" to handle theses behaviors swiftly because although they may be developmentally normal, they are not socially acceptable.  

So anyone who has not been in my shoes, most people do NOT overlook these behaviors and chalk them up to "they're just kids", people get very upset.  I overheard another parent say about my daughter at soccer today "what is she retarded or something? The girl spends more time rolling on the ground than playing, she' so dramatic" The poor girl just didn't feel like playing today...put then again she was the only one behaving that way instead of just sitting on the sidelines.  But honestly, how am I supposed to feel when someone says something like that?

I do agree I need to start being more "just mom" and not  "Psych degreed, early ed mom."  In fact, because of these issues and my feelings, I actually just quite my job last week and am now a full time mom.  I feel it a step in the right direction, but now what?  I really feel like I harp on every little thing they do and EVERYTHING has become about "listening" and "being good" and I just don't  want our whole lives measured in good or bad all the time. Does that make sense?

Well I hope I'm doing eveything I can.  I'll be working on it.  I just really want to be there for them.

There really is no "balance" You simply have to pick your battles, ask yourself what is important.  As they grow you have to decide what rules can be adjusted and which ones can be tossed out.  Parenting rquires one to be flexible as the child grow.